A teenagers place in the home...what do you think?

Question

I have a 15 year old son (16 on April 3), he dirties ALOT of laundry, some of it I think was clean and he just lets it lay on the floor. It really ticks me off and I do like to have him contribute to helping keep the laundry done as I work full time also. There is a humungous pile of his clothes in the garage on the floor in front of the washer and dryer, I did two loads for him from there but I think HE should have to wash his own stuff if he is going to let it pile it up like that. My ex (his dad) commented that its unfair for me to make my son do his own clothes because I don't make my live in fiance do his. My fiance is my man, almost my husband and he works 12 hours a day in the sun with steel and concrete, my son is a child who goes to school and lays around on his butt, my son also needs to learn to take care of himself, my man even does help fold laundry if I ask. Don't you think my ex is out of line to say that my son should have the same rights as the man of our house?

Answer 1

sweetie, your ex is so far out of line it isn't even the least bit funny. he has no right to try and tell you that your son should not be responsible for helping with his own laundry! your son obviously lives with you, and is almost sixteen years old! he needs to have some responsibilities or he will grow up thinking that he's supposed to have everything handed to him on a silver platter!
you have every right to tell your ex to mind his own business, and you have every right to tell your son that he's going to start helping out more around the house. if he gets by with doing nothing, he will never learn to be a responsible, dependable adult. and as far as having the same rights as the man of the house, when your son gets married and supports a family of his own, then he can be the man of his own house!
I hope I didn't sound too harsh, but your ex has a lot of nerve, and what he said was meant to cause trouble, and that's just not right.
you sound like a great mom who loves her son and just wants him to help out by taking a little responsibililty for his own clothes. that's definately not too much to ask.
Best Wishes.

Answer 2

I think that you are right. Your fiance works hard. Have you tried sitting down and talking to your son? I mean, what would he do if you broke your leg or something? So tell him that you would appreciate it if he would help out some. Tell him to try to keep his clean clothes and dirty ones seperate. Tell him you should not have to do more than one load of laundry in a day for the three of you. I have a 20mo old, and a man, and that's all I have to do a day unless it's time to change sheets or something. If he continues to be inconsiderate of all you do, stop doing his laundry. Tell him you're done doing his laundry and if he wants clean clothes he'll have to wash them himself. He needs to learn to be independent, otherwise you're going to be the mom who does all of his laundry when he comes home from college for a visit.

Answer 3

The question you need to ask yourself is this: What kind of a man do I want my son to be. The kind that does his own laundry, or the kind that waits around for his woman to do it. Your EX is your ex for a reason. You don't have to run your house the way he says. There are different rules for children and adults. That's how it should be. You do your fiance's laundry because you want to , not because he makes you, right? so if You decide not to do your kid's because he's irresponsible about it. I think you're right!

Answer 4

Your son needs to do his own laundry, so he learns how to do it before he moves out on his own. I was such a mean mom I made my 3 kids do their own at age 12. They can program a computer. They can learn how to use a washing machine. Unless they are working a job and contributing to the family budget, they should do their own. I bought each kid a set of towel, each a different color, and they were responsible for those, too.My kids and I always had a good chuckle when they would call home from college with stories of kids who goof up their laundry. I love my successful independent adult children!

Answer 5

Yes...your ex is out of line. For your son's future wife's sake, have him do his own laundry. It's not like you are having him do it by hand!! Kids need to learn how to take care of themselves. 15 is old enough to do laundry, dishes, well, just about every household chore. What about when he goes to college or moves out on his own. That could be in as little as 2-3 years. He needs to learn. And don't pay him to do it unless he is doing the whole family's laundry. Good luck.

Answer 6

YOU are the parent in the home. That means that YOU make the decisions, regardless of what his dad says.

He's 15 years old. He needs to learn responsibility BEFORE he is old enough to be on his own. Maybe he won't get married??? Nobody can predict the future. So, I've always believed that every man needs to know how to do their own laundry, cook their own meals, & clean up after themselves. Including vacuuming, sewing, etc.......

Sadly, lots of men today do not have a clue on how to do anything on their own. And women now working as well, a women SHOULD NOT be SOLELY responsible for those things!!

Also sad is that men STILL expect a woman to take care of the house & children by themselves after the woman works the same number of hours as the man. You know, it takes two to make a child & so, it SHOULD take BOTH parents to take care of them & the household.

Answer 7

Well, put the clothes in a bag and give them to the ex to do. What nonsense! You work, so does your fiance. (Actually, I'd make my fiance wash his own, too, but there you go ...)
I am a Stay at Home mother and during the holidays, I make my kids do their own laundry. Because it's good for them to learn to do it. So go your own way and do not listen to the man. Or as I said, give him the laundry.

Answer 8

In my family, we just wash everyone's laundry together. I was quite a messy kid, but I was still expected to separate my laundry into white, light and dark piles to be washed.

Have you clearly explained to your son how you do the laundry? It really isn't that hard to throw some stuff into the wahing machine if you want to have clean clothes to wear.

I think your ex is just trying to side with his son since he doesn't have much other influence in your life any more. ;)

Answer 9

Yes, your son needs to learn how to take care of himself. Tell him that college kids do their own laundry and he has to learn how. Also, he may want a "bachelor pad" one day so he has to know how to cook, clean, sew on a button, etc. Your mistake was in not getting him to do these things earlier. My son is a gourmet cook, cleans his own home, and does yard work because he started when he was 8.
Start to collect the dirty clothes and lock them away. When he runs out of clothes, he will need to wash them. Don't give in on this. It will benefit him in the end. Your ex is out of line in telling you how to handle this. Let him come over and wash kid's clothes.

Answer 10

Forget your hillbilly, old-fashioned husband, this is all about your son. He'll want to move out sooner or later. Who'll do his cooking and cleaning then? Will he ask all his future girlfriends if they will devote themselves to thier "man"? Not many girls that age think that way!
Don't force him to do his part, teach him to do it. Give him a better reason than your workload. And if he sees your man doing a few loads, that may help too. How'd you get him to stop using nappies? Use the same technique- let him swallow in his own dirt for a few weeks, then he'll want to learn pretty quick!
And if your ex doesn't like the situation, let him spend a couple of weeks with the mess!