Is he being unfair to me? We are both 37, would be second marriage for both. I have a son he has no children. We have known eachother since we were 5 and we are best friends. But, I want to get married and he just keeps telling me he is scared. I do not want any more children, neither does he so it is not like me biological clock is ticking but I just love him and I do not want to grow old alone. I will not "shackup" either so that is not an answer either.
2007-03-17 04:05:12 · 12 answers · asked by Suzie R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If he is not committed to marriage at the present time, have a talk with him and put him on notice that this is unfair to you, by keeping you on a string, and ask him to make up his mind soon.Life is full of risks, and marriage is one of them.
2007-03-17 04:12:29 · answer #1 · answered by WC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is a rule on how long.
I am currently in a relationship for almost 1 year, she constantly states how much she loves me, and how she wants to marry.
I have been separated from my 2nd wife of 17 years. She tore my heart out and I am getting better, but still have a lot of pain.
I have been upfront honest that I care about my GF but don't want to get married again. I am worried that too much stuff will change in the relationship. Marriage is too final and formal and scare the bajesus out of me right now. The more she presses me the more it makes me think maybe I should just break up and move on.
Just restate how you feel and what you see as options (no shack up, etc) Let him know how long you might be able to wait and that you would then move on. Your not kids anymore so a calm serious conversation is in order to clarify the relationship and where it is going.
Good luck, I know I need some.
2007-03-17 04:16:41 · answer #2 · answered by shovelkicker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is telling you he is scared he is not ready and pushing him could push him away or worse into something he is unsure of and that can lead to other problems. You need to decide whats more important to you, him or the marriage thing. I understand that at 37 you may think your running out of time but trust me your not if you love him and truly believe he loves you be patient and take the chance, no matter what way you go it is a gamble, there are no guarantees about relationships. Also does he know why he is scared? Is it due to his last marriage, if so he still has issues to deal with before he can truly move on and trust, are you willing to wait and pay for what some one else did? Everyone has baggage all depends on what you can handle. Best of luck
2007-03-17 04:17:50 · answer #3 · answered by tarows_sorrow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is the only key to this door. Everyone is scared before the I do words come out. Before I got married we went out and did everything we dreamed of doing single that way neither of us had any regreats about spending the rest of our lives together. I hit clubs, fast driving, and even evaded a mini police pursuit. She hit clubs, ate fatty food, and street raced with me. I was 21 then we met when I was 17 and now 10 years later we are happy as can be. So try that approach
2007-03-17 04:12:34 · answer #4 · answered by 1chance 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's tough....he's probably scared that he'll get divorced again....but I guess if you guys love each other then there is really not too much rush to get married. Afterall, you guys are still together. Have you asked why he is scared? Maybe talk to him, and let him know that you understand that he is scared but that you really want to marry him because he is the one. But assure him that you don't want to pressure him right away, you just want to let him know that you love him. If you think it's possible that he's afraid of commitment or if marriage is something you really need and that he will not give, then you might want to reevaluate your relationship and see if you can come to a compromise. Goodluck!
2007-03-17 04:11:24 · answer #5 · answered by M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may not be what you want to hear, but it's time to move on. If you are willing to sit and wait and wait and wait for a man to make up his mind, you will be waiting until your last social security check comes. He knows what you want. He's not able to give it to you.
On the other side of the coin, you know what he wants. To be fair to yourself (and him too), you can't give him the kind of relationship he wants.
You say you don't want to be old and alone. What if you get married and he gets hit by a truck? You came into this world alone and you will leave it alone. You can't live your life for someone else. You can't spend your life sacrificing what you want to make someone else happy. You may "have" someone in your life, but you won't be yourself.
You want security. A man can't give you security. You have to give it to yourself.
2007-03-17 04:17:15 · answer #6 · answered by JoAnn W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, you can remain friends.
If he doesn't want to commit, he doesn't have to,
but then neither should you.
Have you thought of dating someone else?
It wouldn't surprise me if the prospect of you
dating someone else would shift his perspective.
If not, well, it may well be time for you to move on.
2007-03-17 04:09:42 · answer #7 · answered by Elana 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have picked a non committing man and that is too bad. there is nothing that you can do. were you married we you 2 met? please add this in your details. non committing people usually choose partners that are unavailable. now that you are he is afraid. leave him alone. you have 2 choices: move on or stay shacked up. sorry.
2007-03-17 04:10:40 · answer #8 · answered by REALLY 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait up to 4 years then if he hasn't decided to marry move on.
2007-03-17 04:09:36 · answer #9 · answered by Terbo 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Over 18 months is too long to wait. Move on. Sorry. :( Good luck! :)
2007-03-17 04:08:05 · answer #10 · answered by searching_please 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋