A 14 year old is dead.......does the mother have the right to grieve publicly??????????

Question

A while back, I had co-worker tell me that a distant cousin of hers was senselessly (does it ever make sense?) shot at a party. Then she told me that he was raised by his father and grandmother and the mother never had anything to do with him. She basically gave him away to his father and paternal grandmother at the age of three weeks, never bothering to see him again (or just be involved in his life). After he was murdured (and fyi, they eventually caught the person who shot him-hopefully they will be sent to prison for a very long time), the mother was on the news crying about her son and how he was such a good boy and great basketball player, really saying things that in my opinion only someone who was in his life has the right to say, publicly that is. My question is, do you think she has the right to do this-display her grieve publicly-when she never had anything to do with him since he was 3 weeks? (or does it even matter since u can't change the fact that he's dead?)

http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=local&id=5065713

I didn't say that she doesn't have the right to feel the way she does....my question is "did she have the right to do it publicly?"

First, I am not judging the mother. I know the info I was given is second hand. I would also like to reiterate the fact that I didn't say the doesn't have the right to grieve! I said "publicly!!!!!!" So please, stop writing 1000 word answers to a yes or no question.
And as always, it is simply a question. Me putting my opinion in the question does not mean that the mother's actions bother me.

Answer 1

The media will use whoever they can get to make thier story more profound or touching to us. They dont really care about whether she was in his life or not.
My sympathies to this family in their time of loss!

Answer 2

I think the fact that she went on television to proclaim her grief to the viewers was a bit of a shameless exhibition in her circumstances.
However, she had the right to grieve for the death of a son she had given birth to. She would have been truly cold not to have felt some pain.
Maybe she felt he would have a better life with his father and paternal grandmother than she could give him?? Maybe not? It is hard to know what she was thinking when she gave up her child.
As you said, it is probably all a bit irrelevant now that the poor boy has died.
What a tragic sad story.

Answer 3

why wouldn't she have the right to grieve? I'm not sure of what the circumstances where when she gave up her son. how old she was, what her situation was. i'm not justifying it, nor am i saying it was the wrong thing to do. but if you dont' know the whole facts then i wouldn't let it bother you. sometimes when someone we care about and love passes away, our grief comes out sideways. we are angry at the fact that they are dead. we lash out at things that wouldnt' normally bother us. if this were someone you didn't know, i'm sure it wouldnt' bother you so much. maybe it would to some degree. but i dont think it would a whole lot. so i would say some of the anger you are feeling is probably greif, some anger towards her is i'm sure valid. but as i said, not knowing the whole situation is easy then to pass judgement. either way you look at it, she did carry the child to term and gave birth to it and her child passed away. so she has as much right to grieve as anyone else. how we grieve is individual choices we make. some hide it, some ignore it, some get angry, some lash out at our family and friends, some numb out, some cry for weeks, months and sometimes years at a time. some don't move beyond the grief. so have heart in the matter and pay attention to what is going on for you. don't let it bother you know matter how you may feel its wrong. either way, thats the way she is choosing to deal with it. talk to your own support network. do something in respect to honor your friend. it will help you in your own healing and acceptance of were the other person is at.

Answer 4

I personally think that she had no right to display her grief publicly since she had basically abandoned him to begin with. She will insist that she was a mother and as a mother she would feel the loss. If she felt the loss then how could she abandon him to begin with. Maybe I'm not looking at this right but I think she was tring to save face for what she had done. It really is very sad and unfortunately it happens more than people realize.

Answer 5

Everyone has the right to grieve publicly whenever they are sad about anything. Why on Earth would you try to stop people from paying respect to the dead. It's a testimony to this young man's character if a woman who, according to the story, barely knew him is publicly crying about his passing. Why would you want to cover that up? Attention should be paid to all those whose lives he touched. That's what grieving and remembrance are all about--not squabbling about who is right or wrong.

But of course, you seem to have already made your mind up about this, and you'll just pick whichever answer you agree with. This doesn't seem so much a question as an opportunity to vent.

Answer 6

Sometimes, moms walk away because they know it is the best thing for the child. A mom is not always a mother ,but she is forever the birth mother, she is the one that carried him/her for the pregnancy. She most likley always grieved for him and that was her way of showing that she really did love him although she was not there.

She has a right to grieve in whatever way she chooses , no one should judge her, simply because no one truly knows all the facts of why she was not in his life.

Answer 7

Yes, she has a right to grieve publicly and you have a right to evaluate and empathize or criticize her grief as you see fit, since it is done in public. I think it is important to keep in mind that everything that reaches us through public communication--whether the grape vine or mass media--is an incomplete picture. So, our judgments lack gravity indeed. Still we make them, and who could stop us, except ourselves.

Personally, I take a dim of public grieving no matter what the connection to the deceased. Grief makes sense to me only as a private affair.

Answer 8

Sorry, the mother can say whatever she wants. You and I know differently, but she's trying to look like a grieving mother, which is what she's expected to do. In the same situation, in front of news cameras, would you say, "Sorry, I didn't really know my own son, I gave him to his father, so I really don't have a right to grieve?" Of course you wouldn't, that would make you look like a complete idiot!

Of course, she may be sincerely broken up (and probably is at least a little bit), and we need to look at that possibility before hating her guts.

Answer 9

You have all this information second hand. You don't really know what the relationship between the woman and her son was. And so I don't believe you are in any position to judge what she does. And even if it is true that she more or less abandoned her son, that doesn't mean that she doesn't regret the choice and now grieve that she can never make it up to him. If you aren't walking in her shoes, you can't know her motivation.

Answer 10

Seeing they asked her publicly yes she does.She is human and maybe realizes what a horrible mother she was to him.She at least gave him up to people who loved and took care of him being honest enough to admit she couldnt or didnt want to.She could have sucked him into a sink before he was born.She will live with the guilt for the rest of her life.

Answer 11

She has every right to grieve but I agree with you about the public display. Sounds like she just wants the attention.