Please help me- problems with my mom is ruining our relationship, and my health!?

Question

I feel like I have no voice in this house. I'm 15, and I live with my mom- no dad or siblings. I feel like everything I do is wrong, she's always raising her voice over things like 'you forgot to put my coffee pot on' and always angry! She's always voicing her anger, but when I try to, (or sound annoyed) she takes my computer and phone away for a day or more. I can't voice how I'm feeling without being punished! Does anyone have any suggestions or any input on what I should do? There's other problems in our relationship, bur I'm trying to focus on this right now. Thanks!

Answer 1

I'm older now, but have been there with my mom. I realize now, that I repeatedly didn't do what she asked me, which really wasn't alot. I did things my way, when I wanted and not hers. I created a lot of frustration for the both of us. If you make an effort to try to respect her way of doing things (picking up, dishes, etc.), it is her house and rules, and she does have to keep things going with less stress as to how to get things done for her. If you have the same frustrating talks, probably she's just as frustrated at you for not getting it. Can she count on you to do things when asked? If not, you should change your priorities so they reflect respect for what she's asking. You're older, be mature about requests. She probably wasn't really mad about the coffee pot, but if you've shown that requests go unanswered, or you don't care that she's asked you to do something and repeatedly let her down, then guess what? Anger. Maybe everything you do isn't wrong, but are they the same things she's mentioned that you never do - that she can never count on you to do? Be responsible and tune in. It will ease it.
My mom used to give me time limits on the phone at night, and I never paid attention to them. Guess what? She would get mad. Who was to blame? Me. I should have gotten off when asked. She tried working with me, and I would say I'd get off, but always ran over. Try harder with helping. No messes to come home to, and listen. Write a list of what she asks, and answer honestly if you do them - that she's able to count on you. Work to end the constant requests - then there's no frustration. I'm sure she loves you, and wants these issues to go away too.
Listen when she wants to talk about them - don't shut down. Also, kids (yes, you are a kid still at home) do need consequences, like phone taken away, etc. It's all aged based. That's not particularly mean.
Voice how angry you are, but no name calling - be respectful.
Good luck.

Answer 2

I don't have a lot to go by but I'll try to help.

I suspect that your Mom is stressed out, perhaps over her job and responsibilities of being a single parent.

I suspect that when you voice your anger it sounds like a challenge to her authority or disrespect.

Also, right when Mom gets home is not a good time to discuss anything! You can't change another person,s behavior. The only thing you can do is change the way you react to it or change your behavior.

One good way to voice your opinion is to write it down. This way you can do so without a negative tone. You can vent but erase it and then restate it more respectful. Use I statements. I feel ______, when you_____.

Another thing that may help is for you to take off some of her burden. (Maybe you do do this but I don't know) Make sure she comes home to a cleaned up kitchen. Make sure your stuff isn't all over the living room. When I come home from work and have this kind of mess greet me it puts me in a resentful mood.

Little things like doing a load of your wash (all the way thru to put away) or taking the garbage out really make a parent feel like it's not all on them.

Good luck.

I still rememberthe anguish of feeling like you at 15 and I remember being on the Mom side of it. (My daughter is 21 now and sometimes we still have these issues but way less often))

Answer 3

this is hard. You say you have other problems with your mom. maybe they are whats at the root of all this, its highly unlikely its you, but as there is just the 2 of you, you are unfortunatley getting the brunt of whats eating away at her. No one should be angry just because you forgot to put the coffee on etc, these are just excuses to get angry, you are way too young to be dealing with all of this yourself and the only person who can really sort things is your mom. You say you always get punished for expressing your feelings, unfortunately to have any hope of resolving this, thats exactly what you are going to have to do, how about trying a different tactic. Take time, and write your mom a letter. write down all the things that you feel are difficult between you and ask for her help in resolving these issues. Leave the letter for her to find when you go to school, that way she will have all day to digest the information and any anger should have subsided by the time you get home, she will have had time to think about all you have said, and may just be the opening she needs to face whats wrong. As adults we do not always see our own faults, having a mature 15 year old taking the time to point them out would be a sobering thought for any parent, I wish you all the best of luck, she is lucky to have you

Answer 4

Being that you are only 15, you only have a voice when asked. May I suggest you and your mom set a time aside once a week and air your 'laundry' with an understanding that during this time there are rules that you both abide by like no raising of voices, no placing blame and most important, speaking from the heart with full honesty. If this is not suitable, the only alternative outside of leaving home,(as an extremely last resort to protect your own sanity) seek professional assistance. There must be common ground between the two of you since it is only the two of you in the household. Try to speak to your mother in low, controlled tones without forcing her into defensive posturing. Let her know how you feel about different issues. Maybe lead up to this conversation with a few nice gestures and as soon as she acknowledges your gestures, this is when you inform her that the two of you need to talk and it was in your opinion that it was these type of gestures you needed to get your mother's attention at a time when she wasn't being a pain in your young ***.

Answer 5

ugh. I know how you feel!! in a way. I'm 19. It used to be just my mom and I..until i turned 12. Then she had my 1st little brother and moved in with her abusive boyfriend! 1999 she had my 1st brother, 2000 my sister, and 2001 another little boy!....A LOT CHANGED!!

I became an outsider in the family. Her and her boyfriend had a nice little family with my siblings (who i love)..and I was just there to clean and babysit.
I was a good kid, didnt do drugs, didnt drink... (hung out with people who did..but i'd never ever do it)... i got good grades in school - but i was a bit rebellous..so i'd scream and yell at them at times. --- I'm the only parent in this house it seems. Every responsibility that a household holds (excpt paying the bills)...is on ME.. --- thats NOT a responsibility that i wanted at 12...and I cant stand it at 19 either.

My best advice to you (Becuase it wasnt very respectful for me to start screaming and yelling)...is to wright all your thoughts down. Spend a few days tracking all the things that make you angry. If soemthing makes you REALLY MAD..go write it down..after a few days, maybe you can come up with an organized way to express those thoughts - in a letter. Dont swear in it, or anything like that - and try to word yourself so that you're not sounding disrespectful.. if there is a teacher at school that you're close with, maybe you can ask for some help in editing this letter - just to have somebody proof read it.

You can perhaps mail this letter to mom at home..maybe mail it to her work, leave it somewhere...the bathroom counter, her coffee pot..somewhere where she'll see it.

Maybe you can start it off by saying something like
"Mom,

I need you to listen to what I have to say. I am going through my teenage years and I really need to astablish a good relationship with you - one that will last forever. Theres a few things that are going on that I fear are jepordising our relationship. I dont know how to voice them to you without you feeling that I'm yelling or annoyed, so I have decided to write them down."

Saying that you want to have a relationship with her, and that the relationship that you have isnt doing too well -- might make her wake up and say "Jeez, my 15 year old daughter wants to have a good relationship with me... maybe i should listen to her!!" (OR maybe not!)..

But its worth a shot, right?

Answer 6

Oxycodone is an opioid pain medication. It is a narcotic. Oxycodone may be habit forming. Oxycodone and/or its major metabolites may be measured in blood or urine to monitor for abuse. With all that said, your mother has a valid concern. After taking 350 pills you could develop a dependency. However, it's fairly easy to check by having a series of random blood or urine tests, after three months of not taking opiates, you should be clean, and series of tests will prove that you don't take the drug anymore.

Answer 7

Sounds like my mom, but now i am grown up and moved out. We are still not close. It is not your fault so don't let your self esteem get bogged down, and watch out you don't marry too young just to escape or build a family. Try to show her love, but set limits for her abusing you. Try to fix her up with a man, maybe she will cheer up!! STay out of eachothers hair. But take advantage of positive aspects of having mom around. Smeday you will be on your own and miss your mom. Remember nobody will ever care about you as much as your mom and your own kids.