A few months ago I asked what I should do about my bfs mother and her snide comments and lies she was spreading about me. She started doing this as soon as me and boyfriend moved in together. I asked my boyfriend to ask her to talk to me face to face about what was wrong. She refused and then saw me in the shopping centre and started shouting abuse at me.
Since then my boyfriends family refuse to acknowledge me which is a bit much since we live together. I have tried to speak to my boyfriend about sorting things out and he says he will but then he never does. I dont want to be friends with them - i want things to be civil so I can stop being upset. Last night we were in tescos and we saw his brother and his girlfriend and they blanked me and spoke to my bf and he never said anything to them. I used to want to marry my bf and have his kids but there is no way i can live like this. I cant stop crying about it
2007-03-17 00:29:18 · 28 answers · asked by Lady Claire - Hates Bigotry 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I told him last night after we left tescos and he said he never noticed. But when they said bye they said it just to him and not me.
He sticks his head in the sand about everything and it makes me think that he doesnt care enough about me to do anything. I dont have any close family and I am a student so i dont have the money to leave him
2007-03-17 00:46:10 · update #1
get rid of him, if he does not do or say anything in your defence then he`s not much of a man is he? he should have sorted it out the minute it started, what does that say about the way he feels about you, you can do better than that
2007-03-17 00:37:31 · answer #1 · answered by MAD FEMALE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your bf may not notice it. My husband did not believe his sister was ignoring me for the first couple of years of our relationship. He is the youngest and his sister is old enough to be his mum and i think she was for a while i believe jealous, that is what made her ignore me for so long. It wasn't until he saw it with his own eyes at a party that he realised that she was indeed ignoring me! It is horrible isn't it? What i suggest you do is talk to him and mean it. If he loves you he would not let his family treat you like that. He would stick up for you too. He may very well not realise this is happening to you but make him listen and he should talk to them. If he doesn't maybe you should think again about your relationship? It can work out, i and my husband have been together 13 years now and i and his sister get on great. There has to be a reason? Let him find it out.Good luck hon. xx
2007-03-22 09:02:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll speak both as a man and as someone who has watched close family members (mom and step dad) go through the same thing.
It sounds like he's waffling between his loyalties to you and to his family. He should decide which is more important - and quick! I wouldn't put up with my family making rude comments about my girlfriend or treating her in an abusive manner. If he's worth anything, he shouldn't either.
He may have trouble standing up to his mom or may not want to lose her over this, but if he really loves you, there's no reason he can't step in and lay down the law - this is not going to be tolerated.
If it continues, the best thing for everyone involved would probably be for your boyfriend to distance himself from his mom and the rest of his family.
Sorry to hear about this - hope it all works out for you.
2007-03-17 17:08:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a couple of things that stand out to me as you describe your situation. The first is that your boyfriend is giving you no support in this at all. He has already shown you that he honors his family over you--he's still a "boy" not a man. The kind of character he is revealing to you isn't likely to change so if you remain with him, it will most likely always be this way. The other thing that I see is your pain and sadness. Love can be work sometimes but, in the end, you still want to have joy,comfort, and connection with the person to whom you're giving your heart, your body and your spirit. Right now, you seem quite broken and it's obvious why. I don't know you but the pain is evident. If you were my daughter, my heart would be breaking to see your bf and his family treating you this way and I am certain there are people in your life who cannot stand to see your pain. Lean on them, let them comfort you, give thanks for their presence in your life, let yourself heal. Then one day you will feel like meeting someone new who treasures you the way you do him and who is worthy of your love. Take care, sweetheart.
2007-03-17 07:46:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are at college, go to your student welfare officer and tell them the situation; you need to move out of this appalling place you are in. You wanted to marry a guy like this who has no awareness of how his family treat you? It also sounds like you are depressed, so even if you do NOT move out for now, you will need help to get through this bad patch; so again, your student counsellor or welfare officer. You do not need this rubbish when you are putting together a life plan for yourself by going to college. There must be another way to survive without this guy. Do you work part-time? Can you move into shared accomodation? I don't accept you have to live with someone because you can't afford an alternative.
2007-03-17 08:10:49 · answer #5 · answered by marie m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this sounds like a really bad situation to be in :(
I think you should have more firm words with him, because if he isnt doing anything now he probally wont. Especially after the tescos things, thats really out of order. If you saw that his brother was ignoring you he should have said something there and then.
As I said, I think you need to have firm words because his family will probally play a large part of his life, but at the same time so do you!!!
If he doesnt have words with them, then you need to think whether this hurt your feeling is worth it. It sounds like your going through alot with his family and if hes not doing anything thing then the question is why isnt he doing anything?
Just make sure hes aware of how upset its all making you, and i wish you all the luck getting through this,
Gary
2007-03-17 07:42:00 · answer #6 · answered by Gary 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for you it sounds like this boyfriend is not for you if he really loved YOU then you would come first and he would do some thing about the way his family treat you. it sounds like it is his mother that he dose not want to up set, may be if you move in with a friend and let him see that you will not be treated like that by his family or him either he will do some thing about it or leave things as they are either way he will show his true feelings.
2007-03-24 12:19:50 · answer #7 · answered by Granny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a few alternatives based on the degree of how much you believe what I am about to say:
You are in an abusive relationship!!! he isn't abusing you but he is allowing others to abuse you, and that is just as bad.
1) Get a job, move out on your own or find a flatmate and go to night classes to complete whatever it is that you are studying. OR
2) find a new boyfriend and complete your studies. OR
3)Stop complaining
He won't change, and witholding intercourse is never advisable as it is unfair and manipulative.
Good luck
2007-03-23 16:12:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whats money got to do with it, your happiness comes first, he obviously doesn't give a dam and probably doesn't want to have a conflict with his family, but if you were important to him then he would sort this out.
You are a human being you NEVER allow people to disrespect you, cheeky bas***ds, if he loved you he should do something about it, especially if your thinking of marrying him, he should have more respect for you.
I feel so sorry for you ,you sound so upset, you need to tell him either he sorts this out or your gone.
I wish you so much luck, you sound like your going to need it with the mother in law from HELL.
Lots and lots of love Pixie.xxxx
2007-03-21 09:03:48 · answer #9 · answered by pixie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hiya hun,
Well you need to think about what you want from this relationship. Do you want a weak man who will not stand up for you? Are you happy to be slapped down by his family? Do you want more than this from a man? At the end of the day this is your decision. But you cant blame him for this if your not prepared to fight your corner, (i know Ive been there!) and i wont take that again. Look at how you see your self, respect your self enough to say "NO" to any type of abuse. Im glad your having doubts about marrying this fella, if he cant stand strong for you then find someone that will. But we don't know the abuse that he may take from his family him self? Just sit for a while and think about what you want, Good Luck babe,xxx
2007-03-17 08:33:05 · answer #10 · answered by krissyjrmy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a man answering this question. The man you live with is a total pr.i.ck. He dosen't deserve to have you. He obviously dosen't have a mind of his own and is too influenced by his family. By letting his mother and other members of his family treat you with such disrespect means that he is disrespecting you also. His mother sounds mental to be honest as do the rest of his family. I understand you are really upset but you will be upset all your life if you stay with this idiot. Take my advice and move out, go back home to the support of your family if you can and put this down to experience. You made a mistake, we all do it but don't carry on living with it. Good luck for the future. x
2007-03-17 07:39:00 · answer #11 · answered by Pete R 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋