spare the rod, spoil the child?

Question

do you agree with this? what do you do when youve tried reason,threats bribery,reward,talking, shouting,?what do you do when non of that works ?

rain...i dont need permission for anything from you. if i was inclined to beat the crap out of my kids i certainly would not come here for validation. i was merely wondering what other peoples view was..oh, and just so you know, i spare the rod.

Answer 1

There is absolutely nothing wrong with spanking and it's not abuse.

If you can raise a child without spanking, fine, but each child is different.

Answer 2

Then it is time for YOU to sit down and take "5".....or 10, or however much time you need to regain control. Trust me, there've been a few times when I've reached this point myself. A spanking begins to sound like a good "last resort"! :0) But it is not, and it only teaches the child that violence is a way to cope with stress or anger, etc. But then, it is also unhealthy to teach them to deal with things by shouting and threats. (Unhealthy for YOU, too!) My advice is to simply leave the room (so long as the child is not doing something that they can get hurt on) for a few minutes to calm yourself, then, look at the situation logically...what is the child doing/saying that has caused this situation. Is there an area of compromise or not? If you have tried reasoning with a child and a "work for a reward" system (not the same as bribery) does not help, then put the child in a time out. Make sure that the room you put them in is free of anything they can get hurt on but ALSO free of toys or games or anything that will distract them from the "point" of the time out. If the child breaks the time out...the time starts over. Sooner or later, they will figure this out. After the time out...which is essentially a cooling off time for you both....it is time to talk. Be reasonable and respectful....hear their side of the story and let them know that you respect their feelings....but ultimately, you are the parent and you make the decisions about things your child can or cannot do. When you have explained why a child cannot have/do something, don't let the whining start...you've made your decision...STICK TO IT! Do not give in just to avoid a tantrum. YOU are the adult. Just because the child is upset does not mean you should become irrational too. How you deal with a situation is how they will learn to cope in life, as well.

Answer 3

Never hit your child, just keep on going. If you try each of those once and give in each time (which i am not suggesting that you do) then they will learn just to wait until your rant is over, and then they still get away with it.
The best way (i am only 14 so not 1st hand experience here!) is to choose the methodthat has the biggest effect on your child and stick to it!
Find something they are truly passionate about (even if it is tv or food) and threaten to stop it, keep a chart with starts and say if they get so many stars they can have some chocolate, or watch tv, or a trip out

Answer 4

No, I don't agree with it. First, if you've gotten to that point, you have already lost the battle. In fact, if you've gotten to the point of shouting, you've lost. You can discipline without hitting; any child old enough to understand loss of privileges understands that. You have to take a firm stance, and not back down when you know you are right; when you take away privileges the punishment MUST stand, barring some sort of true emergency. You likewise cannot confine a child to a room full of toys and computers. It may take a lot of time to discipline a child, and I have no doubt that for many parents it's easier to blow it off, but that's where they lose control; if it means that you stand over the child the ENTIRE time, then that's what it takes, and that's what you do to get the message across. Nobody said it was easy, but discipline can be accomplished if you are willing to do the work.

My son is 26; I never had to spank him, and he is now a successful mechanical engineer who was never in trouble in school, and has a pretty healthy outlook on the world. He's independent, and self-assured, and understands that treating others right and respecting himself are part of what makes a good person. I couldn't be prouder of him.

Answer 5

Shouting really doesn't work well. Rewards is the best idea.

Spanking should be reserved for dire situations.....like running in the road when a car is coming - and even then don't spank them when you are mad.

I'll give a swat on the butt to get their attention sometimes- however it never even hurts them.

What is their favorite thing? Take it away. Some kids hate nothing more than having to sit in a 'naughty chair'. Or to not be able to play playstation.

I've been able to get mine to do stuff like pick up - cause we'll all get an area and do a 15 minute pick up. Actually works really well.

Answer 6

Children need boundaries, it helps them to feel secure, they know how far to go but they also have to know that yes means yes and no definitely means no. You have to mean what you say and let them know that there are consequences for infringements, jsut as there are in the adult world.

If you give in to them and they get their own way from everyone then they will be in for a huge shock when they get into the real world, I've seen it happen.

As for smacking. I certainly don't advocate beating a child and neither does the Bible, there are strong warnings for people who harm children. However, I believe a parent should be able to administer a smack but there are some rules as told to me by my Dad.

Never smack in anger.
always smack as a last resort after all other avenues have failed.
Always let the child know how disappointed you are that it's come to a smack.
Only use the flat of the hand - never the back (where the knuckles are) or the fist.
The only acceptable places to administer a smack are the hands, bottom and backs of legs.
Always let the child know that even though they are being punished, they are still loved,

My addition is that only a parent of a child should be allowed to chastise their child in this way. I am an aunt but not a mother, I didn't smack my nieces and nephews but I did have punishments of my own.

Deprivation of treats/outings, if already out then immediate cessation of outing. I remember one time, we didn't even reach our destination, my sister's eldest two were so badly behaved on the bus down to the town that we got off that bus and instead catching another to the beach, we got the next bus home and their father administered the smack. My punishment was the worst though because they had twenty minutes of worrying about what Mam and Dad were going to say for playing their aunt up.

One of my nephews was often hyperactive, when he got in this state it was better for him to sit quietly, so I invented another 'punishment' "Sit on that chair, you can breathe and blink but that's all." It would start at five minutes but could be extended for as long as it took the child to clam down.

However, the most effective punishment I had was to pick the phone up and ask them what they thought their mother would say. That usually followed "You're not my Mum, you can't tell me what to do!" Oh yeah, I could and I did.

I had (and still do have) a very good relationship with my nieces and nephews, each one of them has come to me and told me that I'm their favourite aunt. "Oh, but you shouldn't HAVE favourites." I would say with a smug smile on my face.

Answer 7

I do believe that there are certain times when a child deserves a spanking. However , I do not believe everything a child does wrong should require a spanking. You need to make out a list of rules and clearly state what the punishment is for breaking those rules. Then each time the child breaks the rules punish them accordingly. Just be consistent. If you do need to spank your child DO NOT do it while you are angry or frustrated. Remember a spanking is not a beating. One or two smacks to the backside is plenty. I have 3 kids (16, 10, & 4months). In the older two's lifetimes I have spanked them a combined total of 5 times (obviously we have not spanked the 4 month old and won't until she is old enough to control herself 4-5 years.). My daughter 16 is an honor student and a peer counselor. My son is a B student who has never once gotten into any trouble. Most of the time consistancy works. Just remember to make the discipline age appropriate and don't give up or in.

Answer 8

i was raised that if you spare the rod ,spoil the child and yes i have spanked my child not beat her but spanked her but i also take away her favorite toys this also helps and i put her in the corner some people may not agree with . but as mothers we have to try a lot of different things to teach our children right from wrong .When i take away her toy for 1or2 days and tell her why this has happen she seems to understand and it has worked pretty good for me. so good luck i understand what u are going though

Answer 9

Always try to use positive reinforcement. You don't say how old your child is but you have to find something that motivates your child at their age level. Be consistent with whatever you are choose to do. When the child is acting in an inappropriate way, give a warning (if you don't stop, you are going in time out). If the child doesn't stop, don't yell, don't threaten and don't hit. Go over to the child and sit them in the spot and tell them to stay there until you say. Usually one minute for the age of the child (6yrs old, 6minutes, 7yrs old 7minutes and so on). Don't argue with the child and if they move out of the spot, without words, put them back in until they stay. Once it's time to come out, tell them why they were there and make them apologize. When my children were little I didn't accept just a "sorry". I made them say "I am sorry for...." That way, they understand what they did and apologize for that action. Good luck!

Answer 10

My son has a very gentile spirit. I will not teach him that it's ok to hit people smaller then you if they make you angry. He is almost 6 and has never been spanked [an occasional swat now and then]. He doesn't need it. He is a wonderful child and so eager to please us. I will not teach him to solve problems with physical aggression. This works in our household. I'm not judging others. Within proper constraints, spanking can be effective with some children. It would just be wrong with our son. Parents, love your children and do the best you can. Enjoy them because they will grow up too fast.

Answer 11

The Bible says in Proverbs 22:,  15Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. While spanking is not always the answer, depending on the childs age and the problem I would say it won't hurt as much as seeing your child later in a jail cell or prison. All Children need discipline in many forms to learn good behaviors. In the days of my youth my mom never hesitated to use the rod of correction and look at me a Minister of the Gospel and Business owner so spankings can have some positive effect. In our home we had Godly love and teaching and that helps too.