Is it OK not to tell my wife a female lover I dated on and off in 1984 - 1985 got HIV? I tested HIV negative.

Question

To clarify:
1) My girl friend never made love to me after finding out she was HIV positive in 1985.
2) I met my wife in 2000 and have never cheated on her.
3) I took an HIV test at least a year after my girl friend died in 1986.
4) I never been sick that required a hospital visit and take no HIV medications.

Answer 1

These tests should be banned in the first place. Ask your doctor to read the insert disclaimer that comes with the tests. NONE of them are FDA approved to diagnose HIV infection. To answer the question- this is something you dont need to share with her.

Answer 2

If you are tested negative, first, congratulations. Your female lover got HIV after you left her or you are one of those luckiest ones.
Whether telling your wife or not is up to you in this case. if your wife is so sensative and being jealous on every little thing, it's better not bring it to her because it will end up in miserable situation for awhile. but if you want to tell her and she is a person who is able to understand about the past, then it's up to you. Some women take it seriously even though it was in the past while some take it as trust/belive and understanding. If your wife is one of those who likes to get all the truth and be able to understand past, future and present, then there wouldn't be a problem to let her know. So, you are the judge of whether to tell her or not. Good Luck!

Answer 3

If you were tested negative more than a year after the sexual contact you should probably be okay. It is important to remember, however, that the standard HIV test only tests for your antibodies to the virus. It is possible that the HIV is latent in you and your body isn't responding to it. (some people are fine with HIV because of subtle differences in their T cells)

For the sake of honesty, and because of the one in a million shot that you could be carrying HIV, you should tell your wife.

Answer 4

I frankly don't understand why this would even come up. Over 20 years ago you had sex with a woman who became HIV positive.
You are HIV negative. Is this someone you had an affair with while married to your wife?
If your point is to unburden yourself over something you feel guilty about, a general rule is not to confess something that will cause more harm to the other person than remaining silent

Answer 5

I believe in leaving the past in the past. If you are negative why bring it up and cause her concern? I think somethings are better left unsaid. I am sure that there are things that you may not know about her past. If you were my husband I would rather not know if you didn't have it because it would freak me out and I would probably be paranoid for the rest of our lives. Take another test to make sure that you don't have it and then forget about it. This is just my opinion, good luck.

Answer 6

This does seem odd. as someone asked, did you have an affair with this woman in 84-85 while married to your wife? When did you get tested for hiv, and when did this exlover first know she had hiv?

Answer 7

I would think that the answer depends on when she contracted HIV. If she got it while or shortly after your dating her then your wife also exposed.

I get the feeling that you are hesitant to tell her because you have been fooling around since you got married.

Answer 8

Even though you tested negative you should still your wife that you dated someone who has came up postive for H.I.V. You know that you do test one time and you go back 6mos. later to be retested again,right. Just because you tested neg, the one time does not mean that ou have not been esposed to it. So yes tell her and the both of you go down and get tested togather.Ple-ase dont be the one to sign her death certicert. You should not keep this from her. Thank You, It takes alot,and you will be alrigh.

Answer 9

If you're negative, NEVER bring it up.

There is NOTHING good that could come from your wife knowing about this. Nor is there ANY good reason to tell her. The only thing this disclosure might accomplish is to make her trust you less, and think about STDs when you're wanting her to think about intimacy.

Your wife doesn't need to hear the "truth" about this any more than she needs to hear the truth about the crow's feet developing around her eyes, the widening of her hips, or the losing battle her breasts are fighting with gravity.

Not all truths need to be spoken. And this is one that you ought to take to your grave.

Answer 10

You should be honest about your sexual history with your wife.

She may find out later and divorce you for not telling her.

Even if you recently tested negative, you could still have it and pass it on to your wife. She needs to know so she can be tested too.