Favortism!?

Question

Why do parents pick favorites?

OOOO IT BUGS ME!
and dont tell me its all in my head, or that im imagining it, because i am NOT

Answer 1

I know how you feel, because I was slightly ignored when I was younger b/c my sister had a learning disability and that gave her TONS of attention after school and weekends for when she was doing homework.

However, having grown up and moved out, I can now safely say it isn't that my parents loved my sister more, but that she needed the attention and they gave her what she needed. As for love in general, my mom and dad love my sister and as much, just with different qualities.

In the end, your parents love you just as much as your siblings, but they love different things about you. The reason that you feel they don't is probably hormones and the likes from being a teen. lol.

Answer 2

Honestly, I think parents USUALLY don't intend to do this (and the ones that do - well they are just jerks)... But children are still people - whether or not they are your kids. I am sure you get along better with some people versus others, right?

Now take this one step further - as a parent you spend a LOT of time with your kids - and from a baby the bonding process begins. Think if one kid is an easy baby - and the other is a chollicy nightmare - or one child shows from an early age similar interests or a closeness to one parent more than the other child - or I feel most commonly is the rank in birth order. I have waited till my son was older - comletely out of the baby stage before even thinking of having another baby -

I know it can be hard when another child is the favorite, and I am sorry your parents have chosen sides. This is likely to influence your relationship with your siblings and also effect your self esteem. You have to look at the whole situation here and be willing to talk to your parents.

I am sure they love you still and they may not even realize they are a "choosing sides" here.

Answer 3

Coming from the black sheep, no it's not all in your head!
Ready, here I go.........
I was raised in a rural community and my family farmed, needless to say I was the "weak" girl and my brother was the "strong" older child. You know I didn't always help out, I was 5 years younger than my bro and simply wasn't big enough. But as I grew and helped more, spending 8-12 hours a day out in the blazing summer sun, setting, hoeing, topping, cutting tobacco, loading the wagon and hanging it in the barn. Then in the winter months taking down, loading the wagon and stripping the stalk of all its leaves, whilst the skin on my hands absorbed the tar like residue. I would receive no pay, I had to beg for $5-10 when I was a teen to go out on the weekends. Little did I know at the time my brother was banking! Getting half of each check my father would receive from selling each bale of tobacco that contained all our blood, sweat and tears! He(dad) would even pay neighborhood boys to come and help us, and let me tell you, I worked just as hard, if not harder because I knew I would get in trouble. Not long after finding out everyone was getting paid but my mother and I, I refused to help.

They say don't bite the hand that feeds you, well in this case, I didn't like being fed bullsh*t!

Since leaving home years ago, our relationship is still strained. I gained a husband and step child some years ago and my parents didn't make much contact, only when they wanted something. My husband is a mechanic so why not buddy up to me, right? Then we had a baby of our own, and all of a sudden they are more interested about baby than they ever were about the rest of us, especially my step child. You think you've outgrown feelings of "not good enough" and "they don't love me", but sometimes it is so right in your face you just can't forget.

My brother lives beside them on property they gave him and where am I? Still paying rent to someone else, far away and happy!

Answer 4

I agreed with you when I was a child. As a parent, we are drawn to qualities of ours reflected in our children but we really try to treat each one as an individual and bond separately. Sometmes one child and I are bonding and sometimes its the other one. Just talk with your parents about your feelings. Why do you think that they favor the other? If you thik the rules aren't fair, consider if you have done something so that you can't be trusted to follow the rules as readily as your sibling. It is a common feeling during the teen years. Good luck.

Answer 5

I know what you are talking about and it is wrong. Parents should not have a favorite among their kids. I only have one child but if i had anymore i would not love one more than the other or make over one more than the other.

Trust me i know how that goes. I am one of 7 kids my parents have and they have their picks and it makes me so damn mad. Like with my dad his favorite is my little brother. It is like that is the only kid he has according to me and my sisters. My mom has her picks and i really feel hurt by it but it comes down to this -the favorite ones are the ones that would not do a damn thing for their parents.

To parents who have favorites take it from me -i am a 27 year old mother to one child and it still hurts me that my mom has favorites- So if you love your kids you will not do them like that.

Oh yea to that whole different qualities things that is a bunch of bull.

Answer 6

I don't know why parents feel they have to pick favorites and I know it is not all in your head for my grandparents did it with their four children and when my grandfather died you could tell which of the four my grandmother favor because she favored their children (I am NOT one she favores). I have a 1 1/2 year old and am pregnant with my second child 20 weeks and I already feel the same amout of love for both. I know the frustration of knowing you are not loved the same and how much it hurts.

Answer 7

We all choose people who bear resemblence to ourselves it's kind of how we connect. When/If your a parent of more than one child you'll end up feelign slightly closer to the one you understand better. It isn't a choice it just naturally happens.

While my mom has much MUCH more in common with my older brother there are still things she feels closer to me on then him. Like she'll discuss finances, and worldviews with him, but I deal with relationship issues and encourage her to be impractical at times so that she can focus on enjoying herself rather than being extremely serious(her and my brother are both extreme type A personality where as I categorize as a B).

Answer 8

You are not imagining at all

I'm a twin from a boy/girl set. They always favoured my brother and it wasn't fun being compared, especially since we are the same age so technically we would reach the same milestones.

Then the parents deny it

Answer 9

Could be the first born child. They matter more than the other children. It's stupid. Parents should never pick favorites with their children. They should treat them equally.

Answer 10

Well all my kids at one point has said you love this one more than me and it's always been different ones my kids think I love my son who is the baby and I mean only 2 more than them and I'm sure when this one I'm carrying comes I'll love him more I try to explain that there are times when one might need more attention they all have different qualities that I love about them but my love is equal.