I NEVER had a boyfriend.....big problems.....i am desperate....?

Question

yes i am...I am 18 and a Senior in HS but since 7th grade, i started liking guys because i did and i always dreamt to have a prince who could actually catch me!

in highschool until know, i have liked like 10 different guys...of course NOT at the same time...but it's weird how every class i go to, there's always a guy for me to like and get the same response: NOTHING!

I am desperate....i feel like it's one of my many goals before graduation...u know, just to fulfill it and that not be left out like those POPULAR people in school

i'm a very laid-back, studious type of person, and a LONER......is that the reason y i can't get one?

also, how can i meet a guy if my parents are TOO overprotective of me? whenever i wanna go to the mall, they always have to come with me; i have not gotten and freedom...

lastly, you think there's a way to have a boyfriend before graduation and what shall i do...i can not keep up like this...

btw,nobody i know thinks i'm pretty enough to have 1

Answer 1

The desire to be close to another human being is a strong one. However, your happiness should not be determined by the relationships you have or don't have. There is so much in life that can give you happiness: family, friends, the rain, or even the latest CD you purchased. You ought not view your situation as a "big problem." You will have relationships I assure you. The fact that you have not entered into one as yet is no cause for concern. The important thing is not to press matters and worry yourself about things that are ultimately out of your control. Mutual attraction and affection between two people is something that occurs almost accidentally, hardly ever when forced.

You're at an age when your hormones are in overdrive and your desires are quite strong. You should take note of the fact that your affection for one guy quickly turns into affection for another. This is a result of your current body chemistry. The reason I mention this is to point out that your affections may be more hormonal than true feelings of love. If your affections sway this much you probably don't "love" them for the right reasons. You probably don't know them very well. So if they don't like you back, move on. Nothing is lost here. Keep in mind that the same hormonal issues are occuring with the men. You should be careful to get too attached to someone who at this point in his life is equally as likely to like somebody different the next the day, the same as you. You don't want to get yourself hurt emotionally. If you do meet someone, you should take things slow and make sure there is a real concrete bond between the two of you before you progress into any sexual relations. Make sure there is mutual care between the both of you.

If you feel desperate, you probably appear desperate to others. An oddity of life is that when it comes to relationships, people want to be challenged. In other words, if I were to like someone and I made my affection known to that person too quickly or I come on too strongly, I have hurt my chances. You see, now that the person knows I like them, this person can now seek out other opportunities knowing that should these opportunities fail to succeed I will be waiting in the wings. In other words, I'm placed on the back-burner as a last resort. It may be the case that these boys are able to sense your desperation and experience it as a turn-off. They may worry that in a relationship you'd be too clingy. It would be very difficult for you to try and mask your desperation and play hard to get so the best way for you to avoid appearing desperate is to arrive at a place both mentally and emotionally where you are confident, happy with your life, and possess a certain quality of "I don't care" if you like me or not. So again, I urge you to find happiness in everything else and then perhaps you can then be happy with someone else.

It is possible that your troubles do not stem from appearing desperate, however. Have you asked a guy out or are you waiting for the guys to ask you? Many guys find it difficult to talk to girls, as they are terribly afraid of being rejected. So maybe someone who likes you is afraid to tell you. If there's someone you like, pull the person aside and start a small conversation about movies or something. If he seems friendly and is willing to talk with you, you know that if you were to ask him out at some point in the future, he may or may not say yes but he will not be mean about it. When you do ask, tell him that you like him. Say, "I l'd like to get to know you better. Do you drink coffee?" or something like that. It's simple. It's direct. If you haven't asked a guy out and you're afraid to because you are afraid of being rejected, all I can tell you is that you have to have courage and forget about all that. It's hard but you'll regret not having taken the chance. The worst that can happen is that he says no. Maybe he'll say something hurtful but after he does you now know he's a jerk and you really wouldn't have liked being with him anyway. He no longer matters and shouldn't.

There's nothing wrong with being laid-back and studious. Your studies are the key to your future success and should be a high priority. Guys will come and go until you find the right one for you. This probably won't happen for you until you're either in college or afterwards so while dating now will offer you a variety of experiences and contribute to your growth as an individual, it does not compare to your education. When the boys you may meet now are long gone, you'll still have your smarts.

There is nothing wrong with being a loner either. It is a fact that women are happier when single. It is men that are happier married. That's why if a man gets divorced or loses his spouse to death, he will often remarry quite quickly. If he doesn't, his life expectancy goes way down. Anyway, you have plenty of time to have someone at your side. You should enjoy and treasure the time that you have to yourself. It may not always be there.

Lastly, I would not find fault in your parents for being protective of you. They love and care about you more than you will ever know. It is not easy to think of your child as becoming an adult who has sexual urges. For one your parents will always see you as their baby, the one they wanted so badly before they had you and selflessly cared for all these years. You brought great joy into their lives. In time they'll see that you are becoming your own person, a grownup, and it will become easier for them. It may not be easy and you may fight about it with them but I urge you to take a moment and try and see things from their point of view. If you try to understand and respect where they're coming from, it will be easier for you to communicate with them and allow your relationship with your parents to evolve into more of a friendship.

I suppose you could meet someone at a mall but it isn't easy and the sort of person you are likely to meet is not the kind that you probably deserve. A guy who looks at your figure while standing in the food court and approaches you as if he were some sort of player is only after sex. How could he not be? He doesn't know you at all.

I can't claim to know what sort of person is right for you. Only you know that. Maybe you don't even know but will in time. There are so many different types of people from all different walks of life. Perhaps you ought to look at some of the others and not the sort of guy you're currently looking at. The shy guy in the back corner of the room should not be excluded from your search.

To conclude, I hope that you found my words to be of some comfort and help. Happiness is not about having a boyfriend. It is about finding enjoyment in all things. Have confidence. Be patient. Know that you are special and beautiful. There's someone for everyone. I wasn't dating when I was 18 but I was when I was a little older. Now I have some pretty good memories and a handful of experiences that I can use to mature and grow as an individual. Like I said, it may take time and that's okay.

I wish you the best,

Anthony
Age 24
[e-mail]

Answer 2

Sweetie, I have the same problem.
Of course, I'm only 14.
But it's still the same. Everyone is getting boyfriends at my middle school, too.
One day, though, I got sick of it and I asked out a boy I like.
And you know what?

He hates me now.

But even though he said no (and he said in a very mean way involving curse words, too), it kind of helped me open up a bit more. I've asked out two other guys, both said no. Actually, one said no, the other said he'd think about it. Now, I don't normally deal with rejection very well. Once, my mom refused to take me shopping last year and I had a crying fit. So you might guess I was upset about these guys turning ,me down.

But I wasn't, really. I was like "There are so many other guys who are so much nicer and look past my acne and overweight frame and my super-giant feet and the fact that i'm 5 feet 8 inches tall."

So I guess my advice is that you should ask the guys you like for their phone numbers, or to have dinner or something. Nobody thought I was pretty enough, either. But there's hope. While there aren't many of them, there are a few guys who can look past appearances. I have yet to meet one, but I don't think I want to give up. And you shouldn't either.

Best of luck!!!

Answer 3

Pretty is not what catches the guy, but confidence is. Desperation will keep them away forever. Males sense this in females and won't come anywhere near you.

What exactly are you so needy about? Why not just wait till it happens on it's own? No deadline needed here, nothing to prove. Don't take a guy just for the sake of saying you have one, I can promise you that with that attitude it will be the wrong one and only a pain in the rear.

Put your mind on your life. Success is the biggest attraction of all.

Answer 4

There's someone out there for everyone! And I think your biggest issue is self esteem...you said you're a loner...is that because you don't really have any confidence? I was very shy in high school but it was taken as I was a ***** since I never really talked to anyone but my friends, so all my boyfriends weren't in the same school. The best suggestion I have is to focus on what great characteristics you have and play em up! Guys don't like girls with no confidence. Remember if you can't love yourself, no one else can either.

Answer 5

first of all, being desperate isn't the way to go if you're going to try to get yourself a boyfriend. guys can pick up on that very quickly and it's not attractive at all.

and physical beauty is subjective, too... so this bs about nobody you know thinks you're pretty enough to have a boyfriend is crap.

move all of that nonsense from your mind now because it'll just hinder you from reaching your goal.

it's quite normal for you to crush on guys in your classes... you'll probably find that throughout your life, you'll keep doing that with guys you meet.

one of the things that is most important for you to have is confidence in yourself. this you can achieve though self-acceptance. you gotta love yourself before you can ever hope to love someone else. does this mean that you have to be self-centered? no. just accept you for who you are. confidence will follow suit.

your parents... is another issue. if you've never really rebelled against them, you might be missing out on some good parental drama. you might have to fight for your independence soon if you expect to date.

good luck.

Answer 6

Here are a few things that I would suggest that you do.

1. Tell your parents that you are old enough to get the mail by yourself. That is one of your biggest issues right there.

2. Tell your dad to back off until the guy gets "his foot in the door" as it were. As soon as the guy gets there he can sit in the room cleaning his gun.

3. You need to look for someone that is outgoing to comprimse the fact that you are in your own words "a loner".

Have a great day.

Answer 7

ok......first, think positive......second, you're trying too hard......and third, yes, your parents are too protective........

my advice is to be confident instead of desperate, and get rid of that "no one I know thinks i'm pretty"...Confidence is pretty and so is a nice personality.........

as far as meeting someone, i'd try lunch time during school, or see if anyone hangs out afterwards, and see where they go. It might be a good way to get involved with a group of people..............

best of luck......

(by the way, I didn't date until after high school, and I now have a wonderful husband and daughter...it'll happen...just give it some time)

Answer 8

wow do u actually have any friends? if so what kind of friends are they? a friend would stick by your side and purposefully convince you that u r pretty because thats just what a friend would do.
a good way of getting a bf would be to join some group outside of school. maybe a youth group. get talking with the guys. become friends. and you never know what might branch off from there.

Answer 9

Sounds to me like you have some confidence issues and you really need to sort that out. If you don't love yourself why would anybody else? Next time you tell your mum you're going to the mall tell her sternly that you want to go alone and that you are old enough now to make your own decisions. Forget about the guys, so you want to have one so you can be like the popular girls. Let me tell you why they are so popular, they put out!

Answer 10

1st is to know your self and bee comfortable of your body. No one is really pretty or ugly. there are people who looks kinda ugly but people didn't see them that way because they have the confidence. There are people who are actually pretty but people see them as ugly because they lack of confidence style and they didn't know who they are.

Try to find the right hair color, clothes and other stuff to make you feel good about your self. eat the right food to feel good ,show your talent and be your self.

another thing instead of fantasizing about prince charming , be open to any guy who will court you.

Dont be picky on race,beauty and intelligence. Just find someone who had the personality that fits with you. Someone who will make you feel special.