A good friend of mine recently gave birth one week before her due date. Apparently there were complications and the child was deprived of oxygen and passed away before she was ever born.
I want very much to be supportive, but I don't really know what to say or do. If anyone has experience in this situation, it would be much appreciated. Was there anything in particular that brought you comfort during such a hard time?
2007-03-09 18:22:27 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I found this site and copied. Hope this helps. Thank you for being there for her.
Things you should say.
Do call her and tell her you are sorry for her loss.
Do send her a card or flowers to show you care.
Do let her talk as much as she needs to or wants to.
Do give her a hug to let her know you care.
Do offer to help with housework, babysitting or other things that she may not feel up to doing.
Do acknowledge her baby.
It is okay to say I don’t know what to say or I don’t know how to help.
Do call and check up on her. The pain does not go away in a couple days.
Give her extra attention. She needs to feel like other people care about what she is going through.
Do ask if she wants to talk about it.
Things you should not say.
It was probably for the best.
At least it happened early in the pregnancy before you really got attached.
It was God’s will.
I understand how you feel. Even if you have had more than one miscarriage, you may not know how she is feeling.
It was only one miscarriage.
I know a friend that had such and such miscarriages and she has children now.
It was nature’s way of getting rid of defective chromosomes.
At least you have one child .
I don’t understand why you are so upset.
Maybe you should consider adoption, not having children.
Don’t not talk about it. Don’t avoid her.
Don’t try to cheer her up. She probably doesn’t want to be cheered up and by doing this you are not acknowledging her pain.
It may be difficult for her to be around children or pregnant women. Be understanding and sympathetic. But don’t avoid being around her if you are pregnant or have children.
Do share your experience but this is not the time to go on about how bad things were for you. She needs your support.
If she does get pregnant again, don’t dismiss her anxiety by saying things like lots of women have spotting, cramping, etc. Be optimistic but acknowledge her fears
And yes my best friend was due within a week of myself and her son was stillborn. It was hard on us as friends but we shined on. We talked it over and over. That was 21 yrs ago. And just now thinking about it still hurts.
2007-03-09 18:50:35 · answer #1 · answered by charontheloose 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've never personally experienced it, but a very good friend of mine had cramps a week before her due date. The next day she was rushed to the hospital but the baby had already passed away. She had to labor thru a normal delivery for a deceased child and it was very hard for her because that was her first child and she already knew that the child was deceased. She didn't really talk about it, but she opted to have the babies photo taken and months later, she appreciated having those photos to remember her by. She talks about it now, and having her friends and family around her really helped her thru it. Talking when she wanted to talk and NOT talking when she didn't want to talk is all we did. It seemed to help, because her second daughter is a healthy one year old and aside from being a little over-protective, she's fine! Like the previous answer stated, she just needs time...Be there for her, she needs her friends now...if you guys are religious, it helps to know that according to the Bible, she'll see her baby again...I hope this helps!
2007-03-09 18:57:41 · answer #2 · answered by hot black babe 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have experienced this with my friend who lost her baby on her due date...same complications as your friend's...She was very depressed and sad as well as angry and confused. I gave her some time to herself. That's the best thing for starters in any situation when someone is going through something difficult. They need time to their self to cope and self-heal. Then you can work your way in by comforting her. I say this because right after my friend lost her baby I rushed into trying to comfort her. She yelled at me and I knew it was just because of the loss of her baby. So give her some time to her self. She should understand...goodluck
2007-03-09 20:54:51 · answer #3 · answered by llehctim0789 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my sister had a stillborn........I know that it was the worst time of her life........i went to the hospital the day it happened (the cord was wrapped around her neck and she died the night before)
time, time and more time........that's the only thing that helped my sister.....knowing that she could try again........hopefully your friend can try again.......
try and spend as much time with her as you can....it helped my sister to have people around her......she didn't like being alone...........too many thoughts in her head........
I'll pray for your friend..........
2007-03-09 18:41:33 · answer #4 · answered by nemofish 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋