How am I supposed to react? What would you do?

Question

My ex - also the father of my daughter, and the adoptive father of my son lied and cheated on me. With multiple women, but one in particular. We were together for nearly two years. When I finally caught him at it, it sent me into pre-term labor twice, and we almost lost our daughter. Recently I've also found out that he has been doing and selling drugs, and that he was using them, while we were together. He asked me to marry him, and until I realized that his replies and excuses for where he had been were just to fake to believe, I was happy. I still let him come to my home. I still make dinners and invite him to share them with us. A RATIONAL woman would be cussing him out, and telling him to stick it where the sun don't shine. I don't want to be with him anymore, and the "in love" is gone. So thats not the issue. He continues to talk to me like I'm an idiot (lying), he disrespects me, and tells me that its my fault that he cheated on me. I only allow him aroung because of the kids.

I know that he's manipulative, and that I can handle. I know that I should tell him I don't want anything to do with him anymore, but I'm not sure if its fair to keep the father of my kids out of their lives. I know that I am sick of him continuing to hurt my feelings with the stupid *hit he says to me. And I don't want his actions to be an example for my son. I just don't know anything anymore. He broke all trust that I have and now I second guess everyone's motives. I hate how he's treated me. What should I do? What will make ME and the kids feel better? Anyone have a suggestion?

Answer 1

cut him out of your life completely. you say that you stay in touch with him becuase of your kids but do you really want your kids growing up with a man like that for a role model? they are better off without a father then with one who occasionally visits, mistreats their mother, and is involved in drugs and adultry. i think you should go to court,get the full parental rights, and completely cut off all contact with him for good. this will allow you to move on, it will allow your kids to move on, and with him out of the way maybe you will meet someone better who will set a better example for your children. i truly wish you the best of luck and im really sorry that your in this situation but dont loose hope

Answer 2

You may be an idiot.

I don't mean this disrespectfully, believe it or not. I'm simply stating a fact. You may be an idiot.

Here's why:

1. He uses drugs;
2. He cheats on you;
3. He lies to you;
4. He is a bad influence on your children;
5. He blames you for his mistakes.

Even one or two of these things would be reason to reconsider a relationship, but all five? Please.

So, in other words, I have every reason to believe that you and your children would be much, much, much better off without him around. Yet you still want him around, and admit that you are irrational for doing so, even though you don't love him.

Meanwhile, if you weren't together, he could still get visitation rights. Saying "I keep him around for the kids" is a copout, because all he's giving the kids is lessons on how to be a horrible person. And you, with him around, are teaching them how to be treated like crap.

That leaves three options:

1. He's so incredible in bed that no woman on earth would leave him;

2. He's so wealthy that no woman on earth would leave him;

3. You're an idiot.

So -- which is it? Act accordingly.

Answer 3

You have to get this loser out of your life and move on to what ever is next. We all make mistakes, we just all just don't compound them for years like you are doing. Sometimes no matter how much we love someone, they are still scum.

Integrity is a real possession, those without it tend to try and take it away from others. You seem to have allowed this meatball to take yours from you. The only way to get it back is to end the dysfunctional relationship you are having with the guy. If you had married him, the problem would have been even worse than it already is.

Drug abuse and felony related drug activity is no way to raise a family. Even if you have no concern for your own well being, you must be responsible for your children. Integrity and decency take courage. Show some and do what is right by your children if not yourself and provide a safer environment for them. Nothing you say to the guy will change him, some people are lost causes, parasites or worse.

Good luck, you and yours have my prayers.

Answer 4

Are you kidding? That is not a positive role model for the kids! Toss the bum out of all of your lives. The kids deserve more than that, and as soon as he is gone, you can concentrate on finding a solid human to be a good role model for them. Blood doesn't give you a free ticket to influence the lives of others -- you have to earn that right. He hasn't. A better man is out there for them. Do the right thing for your children.

Answer 5

you are not doing your kids any favors. if you can trust him to take the children then do that, but the drug thing would scare the hell outta me. you don't want the kids to have a false sense of security, in other words don't let them continue to think mommy and daddy are still together and happy for too ling. the longer you wait, the harder it will be. unless they are very young then i don't know. but it sounds like you need to stand up for yourself too, you don't deserve to be treated that way. no woman does. get out of that relationship fast. especially beforee he brings the cops down on you and your kids, then they may get taken away from you. do you have family nearby who can help, give advise etc.? you need as many supportive people around you and your kids as you can get. good luck to you!




you do not have to cut him out of his kids lives forever. make sure he gets rehab and all that and make sure he goes to parenting classes or whatever. there are lots of things the court can make him do if you can prove he is an unfit father at this point in his life. i would be worried about my kids resenting me for not letting them know their dad. just make sure he is fit to have any visitation befor it is allowed. and do not let him take the kids from you for any reason before you go to court, if that's what you do, because if he has them, he does not have to give them back until the court orders him to. at least in Kansas that's how they do it. just remember, its not all about what you want or what he wants, so many people forget about what the kids want. it sounds like you understand that's their dad no matter what though and that's good.

Answer 6

If I were you, I wouldnt want this kind of person as any kind of a father-figure for my kids. It is a bad situation, and bad for your kids. Like you said, he is NOT respectful of you, so why still allow this negativity into your lives? You and your kids deserve good things in your lives, he is not any good to any of you. He's cheated on you and dealed drugs-come on now, how is that any good for you, your kids, any human being? Lose this Loser, and seek suppot from family and good friends!

Answer 7

Many times if not most of the time we are blinded by our mere emotion of 'love' or 'charity'. Remember that the heart is blind when it is in love. In such a case, the mind must help out to see the right thing to do. Do a bit of therapy to yourself by talking to your heart aloud - treating it as if it were a person next to you. Advise your heart to see things properly and rightly. Tell it to be strong and true despite of its weakness to fall in love very easily. Advise it not to give in to empty promises and temptations from that man. Leave him and tell him straight not to disturb you anymore. You have a life to live.

Answer 8

You are enabling him. Someone like that shouldn't be around the kids.

Answer 9

you're still inviting him to your house and cooking him dinner?? Your sprung off his shaboinker

Answer 10

id tel him to go f**k himself