can anyone tell me a good joke?

Answer 1

"I'm very, very jealous. Sometimes I walk down the street
and I see a beautiful woman and I think to myself: "I'll bet
my boyfriend would like to sleep with her" and I get SO
ANGRY. I run right home and smack him, and say "How much
more of this do you think I can take?"
---Denise Munro

Answer 2

Poor guy

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

worst day in life

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."


"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

Answer 3

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their
> new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.
>
> Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been
> taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell
> what the
> weather was going to be.
>
> Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the
> winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village
> should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader,
> after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the
> National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be
> cold?"
>
> "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the
> Meteorologist at the weather service responded.
>
> So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more
> wood in order to be prepared.
>
> One week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it
> going to be a very cold winter?" he asked.
>
> "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going
> to be a very cold winter."
>
> The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect
> every scrap of wood they could find.
>
> Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you
> absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
>
> "Absolutely," the man replied. "It looks like it's going to be one of
> the coldest winters ever."
>
> "How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
>
> The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."
>

Answer 4

Guy: Did you buy the tickets yet?
Girl: Tickets for what?
Guy (flexing his muscles):tickets for the gun show

Answer 5

dont know any