My 16 year old brother stays awake all night and sleeps all day. Don't know how to help him.?

Question

His sleeping hours are between 8:00am and 10:00am, and he wakes up between 3:30pm and 5:00pm. I always advice him to try and stay awake one whole day even if he didn't sleep that night but he never listens to me and he's very pessimistic (in part because he simply doesn't want to try and he just doesn't want to do what I suggest). School is coming up next week and he'll need to wake up early. Last year after he got both of his legs injured he missed about a month of school and he got into this same routine of sleeping during the day and "living" during the night. Due to that schedule he missed most of the school year because he couldn't wake up to go to school. He got left behind. I know my brother is depressed because of our family issues (alcoholic father who always picks on him and treats him badly -no physical harm though - and our mother left to another country to work and live). He refuses to go see a therapist with me. I don't know what to do, he never listens to me. At all.

I am his only "role model" and somewhat substitute for a mother, I'm his sister and I'm 19 definitely not a mother. I really want to help him, it's very important that he goes to school. He hates school and I suspect he is doing this so he can simply not go to school, just like last year. Our father is non-existant as a disciplinarian and a father in general... he's more like a nuisance who gets paid. So my brother has never had discipline and structure in the past 5 years since our mother moved to another country.

I have to work and go to college during the day and I don't have much free time to spend with him sadly, and he usually is waking up by the time I get home, around 4:30-5:00 pm.
He spends most of his life in general gaming online with his friends whom with he also goes out some nights during the week. His friends by general rule are older than him (over 18).

We cannot count on our parents as my father is an alcoholic and is absent most of the time. When he is here, he mistreats my brother and verbally abuses him or nags him most of the time. And mom doesn't live with us and is not accesible at all. We have no more family.

Answer 1

I've lived this life. Slept all day; up all night. The reason your brother is doing this is because he has severe depession. He wants to escape life/reality/people/responsiblities. If he's awake during the day, he's a target for your dad or anyone else to hurt or belittle him. But if he's in bed, he's in a soft coocoon and no one can touch him, or so he believes. At night, he comes out b/c he knows that life for the "normal" people has stopped and he can join life again free of the everything he's tried to escape from. He knows you're asleep and won't lecture him about his sleep/deperssion, etc. Because as much as this hurts to hear, your brother does not want help. He has worked hard to come up with this plan (not conciously) and it's working for him. He's not going to let you or anyone else tell him it's wrong for any reason in the world. He needs help, but he doesn't want it. He is exactly where he wants to be. In this situation, the only person that can help him is a pychiatrist. He/she could prescibe medications for his depession and anxiety, as well as trying Melatonin. There are ways of getting the body clock back to normal. He may be willing to do it if a doctor tells him to and he sees that he is feeling better by following all the doctor's orders....the change in sleep cycle may be the last to come around....but every progress he makes is work in the right direction.

The second possibility is that as a teenager, he has chosen this lifestyle and will "snap out of it" when he becomes an adult. Of course, he can't become a responsible, working adult if he doesn't go to shool, but my point is that there are lots of teenagers or college students who have this lifestyle and eventually, they go back to a regular sleep schedule.

The third thing you might want to use as help is a "LIGHT BOX." It helped me a lot. It is used to treat those with SADD, a condition where a person gets depressed when there isn't enough light/sunshine during the day and the nights are long. (Which by the way, note that the fact that your brother doesn't see daylight is contributing enormously to his depression.)

I no longer know how my light box works, but basically, no matter what time you wake up, you sit in front of this infrared light (not bothersome) for about an hour (you can do other things while the light is in the room). The theory here is that your brother's body clock has changed and he has what's called "Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome." In laymen's terms, that means that your brother's brain actually now thinks it's normal to have that sleeping pattern. There are lots of ways to treat DSPS (one of them is the light box I mentioned.)

I could write a book on this subject and/or maybe your brother and I should just live together lol. But seriously, the first thing you should find out is if he wants help. Tell him that it is not a small issue. This can ruin his life the ways drugs and alcohol can. And that soon, he will seek those substances to deal with depession when sleep doesn't cut it anymore. At some point, he will have to deal with the real issues at hand and I pray that he deals with them without resorting to drugs/alcohol.

If he wants help, then great....take him to a pyshatrist, mention the light box (even do some seach on that on the internet)
Also, there are many doctors who actually specialize in sleep disorders and believe me, they've seen it all. They might run a test on him as he sleeps in their lab one night and maybe they'll find something all together different.

It's a tough condition to treat and some doctors are baffled by it. But a good doctor will know just how common is really is. As a last word, I recommend seeing a phychiatrist rather than a sleep specialist or anything else. This is a mental issue (depression) masked as a sleep issue.

Good luck to you both! You are an angel of a sister and even though your parents didn't turn out to be the greatest, they created you and your brother. I hope the two of you will stick together and help each other heal your wounds. You only have each other. So take care of each other. Just as you are now. I will pray for you and your brother tonight.

Answer 2

Well, I'm Christian, so I get where you're coming from. Perhaps it really was a demon. There has to be a back-story for why it came though. It isn't your fault. Demons only come when you allow them to, and I'm not saying you summoned it. Maybe someone in your family has done something and the enemy is after you. The enemy usually comes after the weakest, or smallest in the family, and I'm also not calling you weak, because when you prayed, that's what made it let go. I'm glad that you're firm in your belief. Praying was the right thing to do. If you still think about that night, you just pray to God to lift that burden from your shoulders. Jesus said, "Come to me those who are heavy burdened, and I will give you rest." So you just pray off that heaviness, and trust me, the scariness will cease. And if you think it's going to come back, that is not of you. That is the enemy telling you to think that way. All you have to do is rebuke it in Jesus' mighty name. Email me for further questions.

Answer 3

Maybe if you both got out from under your father's roof he may feel like a new person.If he isn't on drugs and you know he isn't then deep down he's hurting for his mother no matter how old he is .He needs to see a therapist to get him over this hump. And yes you can help him by talking to someone for him and letting aunt or uncles or cousins know what your going through.This is no life for him or you.Get out go on assistance if you have to but an alcoholic father isn't the person either of you should be living with.Good luck but don't wait till it's too late to do something.

Answer 4

I had the same problem due to feeling alienated from society. The root problem is likely depression and maybe anxiety, or a social phobia. I'll tell you this: if someone doesn't try to force a change in him the pattern will most likely continue which will only lead to misery. The best thing to do is make him aware that life needs to be dealt with or else life will deal with him in a harsh way. Send him to school!

Answer 5

You can put his sleeping habits back to normal with this,

Hello, just wanted to let you know of a miracle pill that puts you to sleep, available over the counter, is actually very very beneficial for your health, and is only 3 bucks!! I had trouble falling asleep for years. I would lay in bed, and think and think and think for hours before I could fall asleep. It was literally driving me crazy!! I had tried every over the counter sleeping pill on the market and nothing helped. I turned to Nyquil and that did the trick. I had been drinking Nyquil almost every night to go to sleep until I stumbled upon this miracle sanity saving nutritional supplement named MELATONIN. And you can buy it at any GNC health food store. I advocate GNC because the melatonin they use goes through 85 different quality checks before its bottled. Buy the sublingual melatonin. The kind that dissolves underneath your tongue tastes like cherries and it’s good for you!! I was shocked at the effectiveness in putting me to sleep. If you have any questions before you buy it the sales associate at GNC should be able to answer any questions you have. It comes in 1 mg, I take 2 right before bed. The only side effects are weird dreams for the first two nights if any at all. You must take the sublingual kind from GNC otherwise it might not work because of quality and potency, should be taken at regular bedtimes in the evening.
God Bless
P.S. after you try it and it works don’t forget to tell others about it. You could be saving someone else’s Sanity

Answer 6

I have had family members attend the accredited high school below. He can do his school work at night or anytime. You can tutor him. Try to make sure he at least completes high school. GED's are not accepted on some jobs. He feels traped and out of place at his school. Show him there is a way out. Tell dad to step up and pay for it.

Just want to add a list of some of the graduates of the school include:
Shulamit Ran-Pulitzer Prize
Jamie Wyeth-artist
Sho Yano-graduated at age 9, 3 years later graduated from Loyola University in Chicago
Jessica Alba-performer
Tiffany Evans-performer
The Everly Brothers-singers
Donny and Marie Osmond-singers
The Osmond Brothers-singers
Christopher Paolini-novel writer
Wilson Chandler (basketball)
Randi Griffin (hockey)
Kathleen Horvath (tennis)
Andrea Jaeger (tennis)
Vincent Kunkler (artist)
Robert Morstein-Marx (Rhodes Scholar)
Anna Maria Padilla (guitarist)
Selena (singer)
Phillip Simmonds (tennis)
Tanya Street (figure skating)
Daniel Trifan (guitarist)
Marioara Trifan (pianist)
Giegorio Vargas (circus)
Aurelia Wallenda (circus)
Andrea Zoppi (circus)
Justino Zoppi (circus)
and several sport stars.

Get him excited.

Answer 7

It's hard to watch a family member who very clearly needs help decline. But really, there's not much you can do. When teenagers are depressed, it's really hard to get through to them. When I was 16, I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety and tried to take my own life. My parents send me to a psychologist, but because I didn't want the help, it really had no effect. I'm 25 now and still struggle with it, but now I am receiving medical attention for it and taking steps to cope. Just let your brother know that you love him and your worried, and if he needs to talk your there for him. Talk to your parents about it and let them know your concerns as well. Although there's not much you can do, it's good to have people on alert to watch out for suspicious behavior.
Good luck to you. It's not easy to deal with, but your brother is very lucky to have someone who cares about him.

Answer 8

I was in the same boat with my little bro, he would stay up all night gaming, his online friends became his social crowd until he didnt have any others and dropped out of school. You need to do whatever you can to get him out of the night life.

Perhaps if you offer to do something with him that he likes during the day as an incentive??

Answer 9

bless you for caring about your brother. All I know to do is be harsh with him and insist on him going to therapy. He is on the road to nowhere. See if your school guidance counselor or a trusted teacher will help you. Or maybe your therapist has some ideas. Your father's verbal abuse will last your brother's whole life and he needs to go for help. My heart breaks for you. I would even write to Dr. Phil or Montel for help.

Answer 10

If all other solutions fail, send him to the Army. He will get disciplined. You are a great sister, do whatever you can to help him but don't ruin your own life because of that.