I've lost the man that I love for2 reasons that he told me.Being paranoid¬ letting things die.What do I do?

Question

We started dating 2 years ago&were engaged to be married that following April.After we got engaged...it was like things fell apart.He ended the relationship all together on New Years Eve that year.4 months before we were to be married.I later found out that in that last 3 months we were still together but got rough,he was talking to other women online some sexually&some just to get to know.He ended up meeting some while we were still dating behind my back.We were apart for 5 months&he was seeing other women in that time.Then he came to me&said that he loved me&couldn't be without me&that he was sorry for putting me through that.So we were together&things were perfect.But when one of the people he was talking to while we were seperated and she kept calling and calling and he got so secretive about things(&about the internet thing from before), I got really paranoid and really haven't been able to stop.Now he ended things again&said that it is because of me being paranoid&cont. to next ?

He said that he ended things because i was always so paranoid and didnt' know how to end an arguement when he just said to stop.I think that is because he gets so frustrated over everything&argues with me over little things so when i ask him to stop cause he doesn't need to get mad over it...he just stays mad.But about the paranoid part.I always think that he is hiding things because he used to let me answer his phone when someone called&now it's like if i look to see who it is he gets pissed.Or instead of telling me somethings or telling me he is talking to other women even if it just as friends, he will leave to call them or wait until I leave.He is always on the internet still&gets mad when i ask him to not be on it so much&so often.So again he will go on when i am gone.For example his ex wife is a manager at a gas station locally&he normally has avoided it&if he needs to talk he will call her.Now he has to go by there for school,so he stops to get a pop or gas. Cont. on next

Even if he doens't need to get a pop it's like he always stops. Now on his days off he stops for lunch all the time. I asked him who was working and he named off 3 women and i only knew one. He got defensive right away and got pissed and said i was assuming he was screwing someone just cause he was down there all the time and i said no im not just wondering why when you never used to.

Ok,I didn't type too much detail so let me figure out what to say LOL.He never cheated on me with this women that was calling all the time, he admitted that when him&I were split he was interested in her but he only went&met her once&that's it.She lives at least an hour away,so I know he didn't go see her when we got back together.I was frustrated with the calling when he wouldn't talk to her in front of me&when she called or texted he would cancel it&when he left or I left he would reply back.That was why I kept getting paranoid.He just said that he knew that i get upset when he talks to other women&didn't want to to deal with the dirty looks&me pissed off after.The reason he said that the paranoid part was what separated our relationship was because he said that when i asked him something i was more or less accusing him.But instead of giving me the chance to explain what i meant&why it bothered me he would get pissed&it would turn into a fight.So i got to the point where everything..

was bothering me&i didnt' know when to trust him&when to be worried,so i was always worried, so it always started a fight.I tried to talk to him in a normal voice&he's already mad at that point that it doens't matter.Another reason i get paranoid...&please tell me your opinion on this...he used to be interested in a girl he worked with when we were split&then said she was a waste of space&**** like that.Well now that he is going to school,she has to make up some parts of her class cause she failed some when she took it last year,so she asked to ride with him.The first night it was to talk to the instructor&the second time was just to go to the class I guess.It takes him an hour&15min to get to school from the house.I guess i am more upset with the fact that he never asked if i was ok with it he just said he was doing her a favor&to deal with it cuz he couldn't turn around,but the second time did the same.He never asked her for gas money&that was something we agreed on when she rode the

first time.The second time he didnt either.We spend so much money in gas that that was an agreement we made.It's only been those two times,but it still upsets me.It's not the fact that they could be doing something sexual it's the whole concept that he had feelings for her&he's riding in a vehicle with her for over an hour.I dont' feel i was asking so much for him to not give her a ride.She has a car&she can drive.Now this last time he broke up with me in Oct. I was jobless.So financial things were causing fights too cause i was unemployed for 6months at that time.Well i started staying at a friends for i think it ended up being a month or so.He came to see me every night no matter if he just took me to get a hot dog or just take a drive or for supper or anything.But he came every night.Then he got worried i was with another guy when i wasn't answering his calls or texts til 330am cuz i accidentally fell asleep.He came down to my friends&was so upset and broke down&said that he was

talking to a friend of his&told him he was going to try to work on things with me but didn't think we could do it with me living there.But he knew that i won't work on things with me not living there,cuz ive always lived with him from day one,which i know could be part of the problem,but i feel that if he loves me&wants to work on things,he would do it with me there.So that was said&done...then in jan...he asked me to come back so i could get a decent night sleep with my new job&he wanted to work on things.Well i did, things were great for a while,then not so great for a week, then great for some, just back&forth.Well most of the time it was like we were dating,only he wasn't committed on his end.He no longer backs me up with his daughter when it comes to punishments,&if he gets mad he just gets up&leaves or tells me to leave.He asked me to move out this last Sunday&said it was for good&im so hurt i don't know what to do.i love him more than anything&have forgiven so much..I just want

to show him that i love him and that if he puts in the effort to commit and be honest, things would be great. HAve to run i'll be back. THank you all!!

I love him so much&even though he has hurt me so many times i just don't know how to let him go.I know he still loves me,he's told me he does,but he just doens't want to put in the effort to make a relationship work.He has always been one to think the grass is greener on the other side&when he realizes that its' not,he comes back.I think im just waiting for the time he tells me that he's realized that the grass is as green as it is going to get right here&he's not going to go anywhere to see anymore.I just know that day is far from coming.I was just texting him&found out that he is meeting up with someone he has been talking to from the net and on the phone(He told me about it before when we were split, he said he might be interested in her, but later said no cause they didn't have enough in common)but insisted she was just a friend.He won't tell me where they were meeting&said that he didn't know what they would be doing,she just texted&said she was in the area&asked if he was busy.

I just got off the phone with him.He told me he has no problem telling me what they are doing or where they are going,he just doesn't know if he can trust me for sure that i won't show up there.I have told him in the past&told him now...im not like that nor will i ever be.He said she had some errands to run so if she went through town on her way back home(45min away)to give him a call otherwise theyd make plans to meet some other time.But he said he was going to tell me in person so if i got upset he could be there to explain to me it is nothing more than a friendship.I just told him ok,but it is really hard to believe that when you said that with the one who called all the time&but yet you would never talk to her in front of me or let me meet her.If she is just a friend you shouldn't care if i do run into you somewhere or i hear what you talk about or anything.He said why should i tell you anything, you never trust what i say anyway&still ask 80 ?s.I just don't know how to stop asking

I just feel like if he is honest with me and tells me things now that we aren't dating and trying to keep our friendship, that it will make us stronger and i will have an easier time trusing him. He said he doesn't care if i trust him anymore because we aren't dating and he doens't need to tell me everything and check in with me. But i know he still wants me to cause he brought it up when he said that i never trust what he says so why say anything.I just want to know how to control my feelings and let things out so that he will tell me the truth about things and tell me what is going on instead of always giving me the runaround and gettting shitty with me just because i ask him a lot of ?s.the other thing i have a hard time doing is if we are having an arguement and he says i dont' want to talk about it so stop...i have a hard time just stopping in the middle with it unresolved.So if y ou have any more advice to tell me...have at it.Sorry for spilling everything,but it was nice to vent

Answer 1

Oh, no....I'm sorry honey. If he loved you so much, why would he leave you and why would he be talking to other women and, *sighs*, these type of men make me sick. One minute they say they love you, then the next, they're walking out of the door. I really know how you feel with this. But, you just have to let yourself know that he isn't worth you. You are worth a lot more than him if he's gonna leave you because you're too "Paranoid"..... Break up with you on New Year's Eve, get back and talk with other women?! Ugh, it'll be okay. He's isn't worth you if he would leave you for that reason. And then gonna get all mad and defensive when you just ask him a question about why he's always stopping there and that you only knew one of the three women!?!? Get out of there and don't go back to him! That type of behavior means he's hiding something and can't tell you stuff. Ugh, I guess he just wants some now, and save some for later.

Answer 2

men will give u all kinds of reasons to redirect the blame onto u when theres someone else in your relationship that shouldn't be. the blame does not belong to u, he just changed his mind, the other woman kept calling him, convincing him to come back to her. this was not about u, its just an excuse he gave u to get out of having to take any of the blame. he just can't give up the other girl, and the other girl is not giving him up. your not paranoid, when we get hurt it takes a long time for the trust to come back. he is giving u reasons that just don't make any sense, he just wanted to be with her and he left that's the story no matter what reasons he is giving u. when he came back to u they probably had a fight, and he came running back to the sure thing, the one he knew he could always count on.as much as it hurts u need to distance yourself from him, he is a cheater and a liar. he broke the engagement because he was involved with someone else that's the only reason, not because anything u did.

Answer 3

I honestly belive you are better off without this person. He had no explanation why your relationship fell apart. If he got rough with you physically, drop him at once! He will not change! If he is cheating behind your back,he will continue to do this to you. A man needs to be committed completely, with no reservations. You are not paranoid, just practical. You don't have to settle for this jerk. Shop around more. There is someone out there that needs to love you completely for who you are and is faithful.

Answer 4

He cheated on you my friend,and in any relationship that is a no no.He's playing with you and it's obvious that he has no respect.One mistake might be allowed but not two.Don't get burned again by this cad or you only have yourself to blame.I was married 29 years and forgave my wife the first time she cheated but not the second time.Take this from someone who has the experiance of a truly broken heart.You will find someone again and he will be under your heel and that will hurt him more than he has hurt you."What goes around,comes around...)Love yourself and move on and heal your heart.

Answer 5

Hun, I know it's hard but you got to let this one go. He says you were paranoid...of course you were. He was terribly disrespectful towards you, went behind your back sending sexually explicit messeges, and didn't seem to do anything about the women who continued to phone. He ended the relationship because of immaturity and guilt. It's hard, but he wasn't the one for you.

Someone out there will be worth your time, will respect you, and will love you dearly. :)

Answer 6

Paranoia is unfounded. The doubts you're having about his sincerity seem to be founded. Make a clean break and move on.

Answer 7

W0W!! humm....thats harsh he should be sorry,,he's the reason why your so paranoid.....Its his fault! You didn't do anythign wrong he did......thats cheating.....I hope u get your feeling straight ..... Well you don't need him,,,,,he's not worth our cry s move on..I know it hurts. It happens. I've been there trust me it will be over soon

Answer 8

Forget him. He doesn't deserve your trust, that's for sure. And if you don't have trust, you don't have anything. Move on to a better life without him in it.

Answer 9

So now you wanna have an internet affair?