If you teach your kids not to talk back , doesn't it teach them not to stand up for themselves?

Question

I have a 3 year old and I was thinking about how I want to parent her in that regard.What do you think?

Answer 1

Not at all. I think it's important to teach your children the difference between standing up for themselves when it's warranted, and just talking back because they aren't getting their way. They also need to be taught to show respect to others, particularly their parents and other elders. If, when your daughters grows up a bit, she disagrees with you on something, it's important that she know how to express that without disrespecting you.

Answer 2

no definitely not! It teaches respect, especially for those who are authority figures. To allow her to talk back will teach her how to be rude, demanding, and to think the world revolves around her.

To teach assertiveness, model polite assertiveness. Also, if she talks back to you, tell her something like "Sarah, do not talk to me like that. If you do not like what I told you to do, you may tell me respectfully how you feel" then tell her how to phrase it and what she could have said better. If she still talks back, time to discipline (which does not mean that you are harsh, mean, or even having to spank). This, by the way, is different from just reasoning with her. Reasoning would be saying something like "Here is why you don't talk back to me, and here is when it is okay to stand up for yourself." PP is right: 3 year olds don't get reasoning! You have to set up boundaries. :)

Self-esteem and assertiveness are important, but should not be taught at the expense of politeness, obedience, and respect for others. A kid who is not disciplined or taught these things is actually worse off in the long run, both in self esteem aspects, job attaining aspects, grade aspects, etc, so say studies.

Answer 3

There is a huge difference between talking back and being self assertive with their peers. Talking back is unacceptable but if they are being picked on by their peers then they should know that they should have the right to speak up and defend themselves. My 8 yr old is very polite and doesn't talk back (after years of teaching her not to :) but she is the first one to stick up for herself when some one says something to or about her that she thinks unfair. You may think it a fine line but its really not. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Its a three year old. Don'r try to reason to a three year old. You're going to fail on the intellectual level simply because at that age they are on a totally different planet. This is the age when they tend to talk back. They are deliberately testing your limits. Be firm with rules and leadership.

You don't have to punish physically. Go to a room or stand in the corner. Two minutes in the corner for a couple of minutes nears eternity for a small child.

And no, the effect on a small child on that order will not effect future boldness.

Answer 5

There is a difference in being defiant, disrespectful and bratty(talking back) or being able to stand up for yourself(being opinionated and having a moral compass). Mind you my daughter is only 8 months old but I know my parents taught my sister and I respect for others first and foremost(treat otthers as you would like to be treated). I think if you treat others like that and they are mean anyways then you can teach your daughter that she needs to have respect for herself and handle those situations as they come. I'm sure all different situations will come up where you can teach her different appropriate ways to stand up for herself and her beliefs.

Answer 6

There is voicing your opinion and then there's being disrespectful. My kids can speak their minds, but if they say it with attitude, yell it at me, or have their hands on their hip when they say it, they get into trouble. If they say it after I am done talking, in a calm polite manner that's OK. But they also have to know I have the final say depending on what it is. I don't allow them to argue with me. I tell them straight up, if they argue they have no chance of getting or doing whatever it is they want to do.
They are 5 & 7. They are learning pretty quick what works and what doesn't.

Answer 7

If you teach your kids not to talk back to YOU or ADULT AUTHORITY figures you are teaching them RESPECT!!! How on earth do you expect a child to respect you that has the run of your house and the free run of their mouth???

Answer 8

i think that talking back means being disrespectful you can stand up for yourself and not disrespect the other person. like for instance she should be allowed to stand up for herself if you call her a name (not that you would) but not if she is told to clean up her messes i think a major rule to teach kids is not to listen to every adult since some might want to hurt them im going to teach my daughter to defer to me if she thinks something is wrong with what another adult is telling her

Answer 9

Talking back is disrespectful. Teaching your child to speak up for themselves with out disrespecting others will gain respect for themselves and it will get their message across more effectively.

Answer 10

there is a difference between a child talking back and the child discussing something. A child can be taught to discuss their own opinion or desires with out any back talk.