Is my friend being Bridezilla, or am I just hormonal?

Question

My 37-year-old, never-been-married friend is getting married this summer, two months after the birth of my husband's and my first child. I agreed to be one of four matrons of honor. That's a $1000 plane ticket to transport a newborn across the country, which is fine. The other bridesmaids and I just learned she wants to invite 65 people to her bridal shower, which we believe is a little excessive. She also picked out strapless A-line dresses for her bridesmaids (one girl is 250 lbs, two will be breastfeeding, and one is pushing 50 with very saggy breasts) and wouldn't hear of considering something with straps to help us feel better. I know it is her special day, BUT....Is she being pretty selfish, or am I just pregnant and hormonal?

Answer 1

You are not being unreasonable. While a wedding is a bride's special day and every effort should be made to accommodate her, it doesn't give her free-reign to make everyone around her unhappy. Strapless dresses may be in high wedding fashion these days, but that doesn't make them stylish for everyone and every body type. Perhaps suggesting how they might look on breastfeeding women may put things into perspective--also mention how unattractive the pictures and video would look with women in unflattering dresses. If nothing else, you could potentially pick a fight and suggest that the dresses are not age appropriate for the bridesmaids.
As for the shower, 65 people??? WOW. I would suggest that perhaps dividing the group into two or more smaller showers to the bride. Maybe one with co-workers, one with family/close friends. If all else fails, consider telling her that if she really wants all those people at the shower, it might have to be more bare bones and less fancy than it would be with fewer people. If she still insists on the large number of guests, it might help the remind her of the huge costs faced by first time parents and that she might want to help pay for the shower herself.
Also, with the airline ticket, you usually don't have to pay for children under 2....you may want to check on that.

Answer 2

She is being bridezilla for sure.....

The Bridal party and Bride together should agree on dresses and it doesn't sound like any of the bridal party is happy. Have you tried telling her you don't feel comfortable in the dresses...maybe approach it from the standpoint "You know those dresses are beautiful, but with the two of us feeding our boobs will be popping out and we don't want any attention taken away from you." - haha. Or most strapeless dresses can have straps added, don't even tell her you're doing it just tell the other bridesmaids and show up that day with some straps - what can she do.....or else maybe everyone (try and get her family involved too) should sit down and have a talk with her about the dresses.
And don't feel too bad about the Bridal Shower I am sending out 57 invites for my friend's, with a total of 87 people!!!
I think you should have to be a Bridesmaid before you are allowed to get married!!

Answer 3

The bride gets to pick the bridesmaids gowns but the bridesmaids get the right of refusal. All the bridesmaids need to present a united front and tell her that you won't pay for or wear strapless dresses. A good strapless bra costs $50 minimum. Obviously the nursing moms need a gown that they can wear with nursing bras. 65 people to a shower isn't all that excessive. I've been to bigger, do yourselves a favor and don't play games, it just drags out the shower time. good luck.

Answer 4

She's being bridezilla!!! I think she's excited that she finally found someone. Now, you have to deal with her insensitive planning. I would suggest to her that every ones body shape should be considered for the dress option. I'm wondering if she is a big girl? Maybe if she is, she thinks it would look good. I don't think she's being fair
How does she know 65 people that she considers close friends/family?
It all sounds crazy! I'm getting married in August. My sister is my matron of honor and has 3 children. I told her my colors and have asked her to go look and find a dress she is comfortable with. You friend needs a reality check!
Maybe you should give her a visual of what her wedding pictures will look like.

Answer 5

I was lenient with my girls. They helped me pick out the dress, because there were varying bodies in my party, though I had picked out the color. And I told them the only requirement for shoes was that they were die-able so they matched the dresses. The dress I picked was a strapless but could have straps added on if they wanted. My MOH, who is very heavy and had to wear a bra, had her grandmother put thicker straps on the dress and I think they other girls just went strapless, or maybe one had straps put on and the other 2 strapless (It was just in Oct, I should remember). The dress was the only thing that cost a lot of money for the girls, and it was about $170, except the MOH who was over $200 because of her size.

But I think it may be a combo of both you being hormonal and mostly her being a bit selfish expecting people to pay so much money for a dress they won't even like to wear. BUT if it's any consolation, these dress are designed to hold everything in and up very nicely. If one of you guys lives close to her (obviously you don't), you should go with her to a bridal shop and try on the dress to show that it won't look right.

65 people at a bridal shower is quite extensive. My wedding had 90 people at it, and that included my husband and myself.

She is just caught up in the excitement of the whole thing, but should be brought back down to reality before it crashes on her.

Answer 6

She is being very selfish about the dress. Try talking her into using that dress only for the ones that have a body that the dress will compliment. And for the 50 yo and the two new parents (by the way congrats on the new baby) consider dresses of a different style with the same color as the original.

Answer 7

She's being selfish. A good friend would want everyone to feel comfortable being a matron of honor and she should know that you are all going out of your way, paying a lot of money, and taking time out of your lives to particapate in her wedding. And these are not 20-somethings who've never had kids who will look and feel great in any dress.
And what is with these huge bridal showers these days?!?! It use to be 15-20 close friends and family. People are getting greedy.

Answer 8

She says she needs a 'classic wedding ceremony'. traditionally, the bride isn't knocked up at a marriage. traditionally, you do not 'bump up' a marriage date. traditionally, the maid of honor plans the bachelorette social gathering with the bridesmaids. See the place this is going? She's of course the two stupid or delusional, and he or she's definatly a Bridezilla. For the checklist, in case you regular to be a Bridesmaid, you may have began saving up money. Why might you tell her you would be a Bridesmaid? You had to realize a gown and gas might value greater advantageous than groceries. Even a greater value-effective gown could have been out of value variety, in accordance on your submit. So, you're incorrect on that element. yet she's incorrect on so, this way of large form of greater angles.

Answer 9

shes is being selfish. I never agree with the poeple who say "well its her wedding so..." no, your doing her a favor by being in the wedding. she is doing you no favor...you actually have to spend money to be in a wedding. I picked out a few different styles of dresses I liked for my maid of honour (i didnt have bridesmaids) and let her pick the one she liked best then I paid more than half of it for her. she should let you go with something your comfortable it...especially considering none of you like this style dress. personally I dont really like the strapless styles either. I am big busted and I spend the entire day pulling up the dress. I would get together and tell her none of you like this style dress. if she dtill insists you wear them then I would make her pay for them since its nothing something you'll ever use again....congrats on the baby by the way!

Answer 10

Yes, she's being selfish. She needs to consider your feelings and the other bridesmaids' feelings about the dresses AND the shower. 65 people at a bridal shower is crazy. Even if she wanted to pay for it, it's still a LOT of work for you to do.

I think you are a great friend to be in her wedding and take your newborn baby with you. That will be very stressful for you and your hubby. A week before your plane takes off, you should take a day and go to a spa and treat yourself to a relaxing day, so you will be refreshed and ready to take whatever she throws at you at the wedding/shower. (Especially after being pregnant...you are now performing one of the hardest jobs we have to do as women....creating a baby and taking care of it. You definitely deserve a day to yourself at the spa to relax after being pregnant, and before hte wedding!!!)

Here's an article I wrote that may help you to help your friend plan her wedding....you may wanna take a look at it....

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/154422/how_to_save_money_on_your_wedding_and.html


Good luck! :o)