tacky or inventive?

Question

so I am helping a friend decide on her wedding schedule. They really don't have the money to feed the hundred or so people they want to invite to the reception, so their thought was to have the ceremony, dismiss everyone for dinner, and after having dinner with their families and have a small amount of time for pictures and letting the day sink in then have the reception...

I'm not too sure of this idea and how the guests will feel about it. What do you think?

well her idea was to have the cake and cocktails, maybe some snacks, but the families don't have the money to pay 20 bucks a head for a hundred or so people on top of what they are paying to rent the place...

I think her thought was that if she broke it up this way then no one would remember who was at the ceremony or reception so no one would feel left out or better then anyone. also the couple are very family oriented but really want to celebrate with friends as well, maybe some advice on how to do that?

when I got married and we priced things out we found out that buffet style was more expensive since you have to estimate and you can't get back what you don't eat. She was my "helper" when I planned my wedding so she won't do buffett..

and don't worry I will be showing her this so she can see it's not just my opinion...

hey you guys are preaching to the choir here, I proded her with all types of questions on it, but it seems she wants to break up the day and just have time to breathe (which i don't think would have been humanly possible on MY wedding day!)

Answer 1

its tacky. if they cant afford a full dinner, they can just do appitizers, or fingr food. or no food at all and just do a just deserts reception or have just the cake.

the reception should follow the ceremony without a huge time inbetween. it keeps the flow of the day. shell probably loose some guests if she does it that way.

theres no rule saying you have to provide dinner at your reception, but she needs to include on the reception card desert reception following ceremony so people know not to expect a full dinner.

Answer 2

I recommend a cake and punch reception directly after the ceremony. Have the wedding around 1:00 or 2:00 and then have a 2-4 hour reception with just cake and maybe a couple of other desserts. She can serve coffee, tea, softdrinks and a champagne punch. That's a much better idea than having people come back after many hours.

An alternative is to get married at 7:00 or 8:00 and have a cocktail reception immediately after. You serve some light hor deouvres and wine and beer only.

You have to make sure with dessert or cocktail receptions that the invitations clearly state dessert or cocktail reception. People need to know to eat lunch or dinner before they come.

Answer 3

Here's my opinion...

Have the wedding....it's the most important part, after all....!

Then the bride, groom, and wedding party will all be taking time to breathe while they are taking pictures and stuff....so she will have time to relax...SHE is the bride...most important person there....so you will have to make sure that she sits down to take in the wedding ceremony....she won't want to forget a single moment! Take your time, because your guests will wait....

Then go ahead and have the reception right away, but simply have a very nice cake, and punch. I've been to a lot of weddings like this, where the people COULD afford to have food, but didn't want to. People are usually looking around for a reason to leave the reception early anyway. So have cake and punch, let everyone mingle and say congrats to the happy couple, open some presents, and then everyone will begin to leave...simple as that.

I know plenty of people who could have had lots of food but just didn't want to....plaus she will probably be tired, and want to get out of there to enjoy her new husband!!!

Happy Wedding Day to you!

P.S.~If you have the wedding around 2pm, then it will be over around 2:30pm, take 45 minutes to an hour for pictures and stuff, and the receptions will start around 3:30pm or so. That is a time when no one really eats, anyway. They can eat lunch before the come and eat dinner after they leave. No one expects a big meal at 3:30 in the afternoon. Reception should be over around 5pm or so, and then she can go off to her honeymoon night! :o) Good luck.

Answer 4

I don't think having people leave to buy their own dinner then coming back is a good idea. some people migth not have the money to do that or don't want to wait around for the reception. I'd say have the wedding and ceremony before dinner time then they can leave and do their own thing whether they want to eat or not. Or you could have the wedding and reception after dinner time so they already ate, then you can serve cake and punch and not worry. Also out of town guests won't have to wait around.

Answer 5

this is a terribly tacky idea. I think the guests would be completely offended at such an invite. If you can't afford to do a dinner for everyone, don't do it for anyone....have an early ceremony followed by a cake and champagne reception--end it early so that everyone can leave, eat, go home. The other way is just like asking for a gift but not wanting to feed them--it would just be bad manners.

Answer 6

i think the best option would be to find a new reception hall. or you might try working with the reception hall and have some family members can pitch in and cook- that isnt to say that all your guests should bring food, but depending on what time of day, you can make different things like tuna or egg salad, with bagels and cold cuts- though it does bring the overall feel of the reception to be very casual. OR have a restaurant cater or get family style from a restaurant and put it in fancy bowls and just have a bufffet.

i do think that it is a little tacky to send out of town guests off to eat on their own. and the others are correct- i'd feel disjointed like there was a lull in such a special day.

Answer 7

I am having a similar day for my wedding. We are having a late afternoon ceremony, a break for pictures and then a dinner for the wedding party, parents and grandparents only (we simply cannot afford to hae everyone come) Then the reception is set to begin. there will be a 2 hour gap so guests will have time to go out to eat and then regroup for the reception where we will hae the cake and and wine. I don't think this is tacky at all. I think it makes it that extra bit special to have the privacy of time spent with immediate family and the wedding party, and i don't think the other guests will be offended or apt to ditch the reception because of it. it's not like these are strangers, they KNOW her situation and they will respect it! Besides, in my case anyway, a lot of people are coming from hours away and the town we're marrying in is my hometown, it's very small but incredibly pretty with many small restaurants that overlook the water. I think the guests will have a great time at dinner whether on their own or at mine. it's not offensive and its not tacky. she can only do what she can afford. wish her luck for me!

Answer 8

What time of day is the wedding? I have never heard of this being done but it is there wedding. Many people who leave will not come back and some maybe offended. Is it possible to have light appetizers at the reception then end it earlier and maybe have a later reception/dinner for close friends.
If the wedding ended at say 7 have appetizers and drinks cake etc from 7-9or 10 then after the reception ends have dinner with those closest to them. Not everyone would know and then feelings would not be hurt.
But then again it is their wedding and they can do as they please.

Answer 9

I would think people would be offended and confused and less likely to come back for the reception.

What about cheaper alternatives for food - buffet style? Order food from a simple place (Super Mex, Chinese....anything) and make it appear "fancier" with garnishes, nice borrowed dishes, etc.....no one has to know where you got it.

I think not feeding your guests at all is kind of rude and tacky...sorry and good luck.

You're right it is her day, so she does what she chooses. However she then needs to remember that if guests choose not to return after her break, she cannot be upset. Actually if it were my wedding I would rather guests come to the recpetion as opposed to the ceremony....because the ceremony is very one on one you and your groom - whereas the reception is the celebration and time to mingle and enjoy everyone's company. Maybe she instead can cut down on the ceremony costs.......decorations, photographer, and all that jazz.

But basically as the MOH you are right it is your time to just stand by and do as she pleases....believe me I am going through the same thing right now :)

Answer 10

That is awfully low-class/tacky - and just screams "I am broke but want lots of people and lots of gifts". Gadz!! Her friends must know she isn't a Trump so they would probably roll their eyes and wonder how much in debt they're going if she has a huge wedding for hundreds of folks. That is just stupidity and totally unrealistic for her family to consider. If she has a small budget, then she has to have a small wedding. Period. You have the ceremony and dinner for close family and photos. You tell people who ask if they're invited (rude of them to ask anyway) that you have chosen to have a very small, intimate immediate family wedding. You don't grumble and moan about money being tight. You simply state the facts. My gosh, even movie stars and millionaires have small, intimate weddings as they wish to preserve the sanctity of the wedding and want to have time with families!! Your friend doesn't owe anyone a big party!! After the event, send out announcements and enclose a picture. Digital prints can be as low as 20 cents each in quantity! The announcement simply states that "Brad and Mary Smith wish to announce their marriage , Jan. 5, 2008, at a small family gathering. " sometimes the parents send these out and state "John and Sue Brown announce the marriage of their daughter, Mary, to Brad Smith, on Jan.5, 2008 ..at a small family gathering"
We have had a couple of instances occur where friends of a couple have thrown them a big party a couple of weeks later without being asked, or when they return from honeymoon, as a celebration. No stress, for sure, as the friends planned it all! Tell your friend to relax, set her budget, then put the money on her dress and photos.And, if she still insists on inviting half the town, the only solution is to have an afternoon ceremony (too late for lunch, too early for supper) and state clearly on the invitations " Cake and dessert reception to follow the ceremony" People understand situations if they know what to expect, but, if you don't state "Cocktails and hors d'oevres reception" , they'll expect dinner.