How do we start to wean our 1-year-old off the dummy (pacifier).?

Question

My wife and I seem to have made a rod for our own backs by always giving our little girl, Jasmine, a dummy (pacifier) whenever she is a bit grouchy or tired. Now she won't go to sleep at night without it, although she does sleep perfectly with it. Also when she's happy, which is most of the time, she isn't that interested in the dummy unless offered it directly.

This is far from a desparate situation but we both feel that it would be better if she relied on the dummy less over the next year or so rather than more which I would presume woud happen if we let it.

I'm sure there must be plenty of parents out there with tried and tested techniques for dummy use reduction so I thought, rather than trying to "re-invent the wheel" and work it out ourselves, I'd put this out to the Yahoo community.

Thanks

Brian (London)

Answer 1

I think it's a little too soon to take it away. I would try to limit it to when she is sick or sleepy, but if she really wants it..it's OK to give it to her. It wont affect her teeth at this point.

When you do decide to get rid of it (I suggest around 15-18 months old-wait until there are no vacations or things like that). Do it cold-turkey. We told my older son (he was 17 months old) the "pa" is all gone. It broke my heart the first night. He cried and cried and so did I. The next night he asked for it and we said "all gone"...he cried for about a minute. He never asked for it after that (and never cried about going to sleep either). We are approaching that point with my second son (probably next month or so) and will do it the same way.

Answer 2

I think every child is going to be different - and that's the point - don't think that you must conform to some perfect idea of when the dummy should go.

My 20 month old gave up on his own a month or so back, and it took a week ... First of all my wife and I agreed to stop buying any new ones in the shopping, so he only had his old pacifiers to use, BUT WE DIDN'T CHANGE ANYTHING ELSE. We let him have a dummy when he wanted but without offering. Then over the next few weeks as he started to bite through his old ones he would reject them. After two or three times you could tell he was losing interest in the whole thing.

Answer 3

With our younger son my husband and I decided to keep dummies in the bedroom as far as possible. As our son got older and his understanding of what was said to him developed (around 15 months) we told him the dummy lived by his bed. He accepted this as he, like your daughter, was a contented child. In part I put this down to his having a dummy in the first place! Sometimes he would go to his room and have a quick chew on his dummy then put it back in the special dish where it lived. We made quite a big thing of all this "living by the bed" and "special dish" with its "little lid" business and never denied his dummy to him when we were at home.
Eventually (though he was about 3) he had given up completely until he found one under the bed, well-chewed and covered in fluff. He made the decision that it wasn't needed after having a good suck on it!
I think you are right to plan this now but giving your daughter some control over the situation will help her to stay feeling comforted by her dummy without it dominating her waking hours.
Best of luck.

Answer 4

I would advise this gradual withdrawal:
First, confine the paci to the car and house. It is never to be seen in public again. If she has it in the car, she has to leave it in the carseat when she leaves the car. Etc.
Then, when that is acceptable and no longer a fuss (sounds like she's already halfway there on that one), then limit it to the house. It always stays home and never leaves. When she's used to that, limit it to the bed. It never leaves the bed. Ever.
Now at that point you have a decision to make--if you want to lose the pacifier at bedtime as well, sooner or later you'll have to just take it away and let her fuss. Most people don't mind leaving it for bed only till 3 years old or so, once they get to the bed-only point. It's up to you. Personally I think the sooner you take it away 100%, the better. The younger they are, the faster they will get over the "cold turkey" part when you take it away at bedtime.

Answer 5

Hi Brian,as a Mother of 22month old who still has a dummy to sleep with I don't personally worry about it.
He only has it at nap time and bed time, it stay in his bedroom and when its time to go to sleep its "dum dum" time. God knows how and when I'll get it off him but I figure he's not going to be 10 with a dummy! (I hope!) and that eventually when he's old enough to realise its for babies he'll give it up. Its not big deal in the whole scheme of things compared with other things in the life of a toddler.
If you do however still decide to ditch the dummy I would personally go with getting rid of it during the day first if that's a problem, leave it a few weeks then try the night time. it'll probably take a few sleepless nights and a fair amount of tears but its all short term, you'll get there in the end.
My Mum in law had 8 kids and she just cut the ends off of them all when it was time to give it up! (may work better with older kids though!) Good luck with it.

Answer 6

Simple really, chuck it out. Give it to the dummy fairies who live in the bin and get on with life without it. This may be quite hard the first few nights, but Jasmine will forget about it in record time! When she asks for it during the day, just say it's gone and distract her with something else until the moment has passed. Give her a favourite teddy to cuddle at night, ignore the crying, don't discuss it at all or make a fuss about it, and you'll find she will learn to get herself to sleep very quickly.
A lot of parents try to wean kids away from things like this slowly, and just end up with more hassle from the follow on problems! YOU are in control, grit your teeth, prepare for a night or two of wailing, and throw it out! It will be over before you know it!!
Good luck
Flea.

Answer 7

It is very difficult to try to wean a child from it's dummy. Your daughter is only 1 year old and obviously finds it comforting. If you do manage to wean her off the dummy she will probably start to suck her thumb and then you really will have a problem. Thumb sucking can carry on for years, even into adolescence. Whereas a dummy will eventually be gotten rid of. Thumb sucking over a long period of time can cause problems with teeth, not so much dummies. My advice (from experience) would be to stick with the dummy and your daughter will eventually get rid of it.

Answer 8

My daughter has a dummy but we leave it in her bedroom so she knows it is only for sleep. She will not need braces and a dummy is better then sucking a thumb as you cannot take that away. I personally would restict it to the bedroom only and who cares if she has it till she's 20 for bed. I had mine till I was 4 years old and my daughter is now 3 years old and always has it for sleep it doesn't bother me at all. Distraction is the only way during the day and why should it bother you at night, she might start sucking on her thumb if you take it away now as she is so use to sucking on it for night time. I would leave her with a dummy for bed only.

Answer 9

well the best time is usually christmas, and put it on the christmas tree for Santa coming to take it away, but as its a while till christmas,the best thing i can suggest is let her have to go to sleep and take it away from her then
then if she starts to whinge for it, try and tell her even though it will be hard for her to understand, just say shes a big girl now and she doesn't need a dodo(as most call it)
and say the dummy fairy came to take it to give it to another baby
it may take a few tries but keep at it, it will work in the end trust me

good luck

Answer 10

She seems a little young yet, try only letting her have it at bedtime, we managed with our son at 2 by collecting all the dummies and leaving them out for the dummy fairy who left him a surprise for being such a big boy. Its not an easy task, especially when they are very tired or unwell, but if she is only having it for bed chances are she will spit it out as soon as she is asleep.