Who has a good (religious?) joke?

Answer 1

its not religious. but what would they call it if Hooters did door-to-door.


Knockers. =]

Answer 2

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town their two
young sons were in some way involved.
The parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their sons' behavior. The mother had heard that a priest in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if he
thought they should send the boys to speak with the priest.

The husband said, "We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my temper!"

The priest agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually.

The 8 year old went to meet with him first. The priest sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
The boy made no response, so the priest repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer.

So the priest raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"
At that the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home, slamming himself in the closet.
His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?"
The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it."

Answer 3

Two pastors who'd gone to seminary together meet in a bar. The Adam is all dressed in expensive clothes, Steve looks disheveled. "How can you afford your outfit?" Steve asks. Adam says:

"I discovered a secret. Near the end of the sermon when everyone is getting tired, I take out this gold pocket watch and start twirling it. Pretty soon everyone is hypnotized. I tell them all to get up, take the money out of their wallets, put it on the pews, and leave. Then I just pick it up and I've never had to worry about money since. Here, you borrow my watch and try it next week."

The next week they meet and Steve not only looks disheveled he looks filthy and he stinks. "What happened? Adam asks. Steve says:

"I did what you said and it was working great. I gave a long sermon, twirled the watch, and you were right. They all got hypnotized. So I told them to stand up and they all stood up. I was so shocked that it worked that I dropped the watch. When that happened I shouted Oh S! And they did. And I've been cleaning it up ever since."

Answer 4

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"

Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.

"How do you know this, Sister?"

"My Mother Superior told me so."

"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"

"Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself"

"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"

"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"

"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know."

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.

"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"

"Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?"

Answer 5

After Adam was created, there he was, all alone, in the Garden of Eden.

Of course it wasn't good for him to be all by himself, so the Lord came down to visit.

"Adam," He said, "I have a plan to make you much, much happier. I'm going to give you a companion, a help mate for you -- someone who will fulfil your every need and desire. Someone who will be faithful, loving and obedient. Someone who will make you feel wonderful every day of your life."

Adam was stunned. "That's sounds incredible!"

"Well, it is," replied the Lord. "But it doesn't come for free. This is someone so special that it's going to cost you an arm and a leg."

"That's a pretty high price to pay," said Adam. "What can I get for a rib?"

Answer 6

An atheist is being chased by a bear. Just when the bear was about to pounce on the man he cries "oh god!" . Time stops and God says to the atheist, "If I save your life will you believe in me?" The atheist says "it would be hypocritical for me to become a christian just because my life is on the line. Why don't you save the bear and make him a christian instead". Time resumes and the bear is standing over the atheist praying " Lord I thank you for this meal which you have provided for me. Amen" LOL

Answer 7

What is similar about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders?

Well, they were both founded by Spaniards, St Dominic for the Dominicans, and St Ignatius of Loyola for the Jesuits. They were also both founded to combat heresy: the Dominicans to fight the Albigensians, and the Jesuits to fight the Protestants.

What is different about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders?

Well, have you met any Albigensians lately?

Answer 8

Jesus walks over to a group of people stoning a man to death, and says "Let the man or Woman among you who has not sinned cast the first stone". A little old lady comes up and start whipping stones at the man, and Jesus walks over to her and says, "You know Mom, some days you really piss me off".

Answer 9

Who was the richest woman in the bible?

Pharoah's daughter.

She went down to the Bank of the Nile and withdrew a little prophet.

.

Answer 10

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy.
There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy, if the Pope won, they would have to leave.
The Jewish people met and picked an aged but wise Rabbi, Moishe, to represent them in the debate. However, as Moishe spoke no Italian and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they all agreed that it would be a "silent" debate.

On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Rabbi Moishe looked back and raised one finger.
Next the Pope waved his finger around his head. Rabbi Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. Rabbi Moishe pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope stood up and declared that he was beaten, that Rabbi Moishe was too clever and that the Jews could stay.

Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope, asking what had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there is still only one God common to both our beliefs.
Then, I waved my finger to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us.
I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He had me beaten and I could not continue."

Meanwhile the Jewish community were gathered around Rabbi Moist. "What happened?" they asked. "Well," said Moist, "First he said to me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I said to him, Up yours!
Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I said to him, Mr. Pope, we're staying right here." "And then what," asked a woman. "Who knows?" said Moishe, "he took out his lunch so I took out mine."

Answer 11

Sorry, no jokes - I did see the cartoon RUBES; Friday 3-9-07. Jesus walking his dog Rex. (Yahoo cartoon section)
I love the cartoons - angels and devils, Noah, every aspect of mainstream religious life.
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Thank you for asking this!! What great answers you have received!