Does this poem suck? I read it to this friend and she wasn't impressed?

Question

She's just a friend, nothing like that, I just needed an opinion....what do you think? She says she doesn't like poems in general....but does this suck or is it good?

Thanks




Closer

The closest of friends,
But I want to be closer,
When I see you,
You lift me up,
When you're not here,
I fall without you,
I just want to stay high all day.

He loves you,
And she loves me,
But you don't love him,
And I don't love her,
But I do love you.

A mirror of what I see,
You've made me a better person,
I find it hard to tell you,
That you're the only person I see.

Is it worth losing,
Two loves for one,
If that one love,
Is greater than the two?

I hope it's not confusing, it's about a guy who loves his friend, but they're both in a relationship and he wants to know is it worth risking alot to gain everything.

Answer 1

I don't think your poem sucks. I am a professional writer myself, with a degree, and have been through many literary analysis type of classes. First of all, poems are all subjective. It's like the term "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." So you may in fact find some people out there who can relate to your poem and love it, while others don't get it and hate it. So, take criticism with a grain of salt, but remember that if you truly enjoy expressing yourself through poetry, and if you are writing from your heart, than it can never "suck."

That being said, writing is like any other skill you learn. It takes practice to perfect it. I think one way to improve your poem is to search for deeper meanings.Right now your poem is vary straight forward....try using metaphors, personification, alliteration...all of those writing techniques that enhance writing and give it deep meaning. Furthermore, "form should aways follow function." What i mean by that is the way the poem looks should reflect what it is saying. For example, if you were writing a poem about rage and anger, you wouldn't have many punctuation marks, especially periods, because anger is generally uncontrolled and expressed as a "run-on" sentence.

Some things to think about. Continue at it...I think you have lots of potential.

Answer 2

i don't think it sucks and write poetry on the side...u said that she's just a friend but is she really. I mean I can only write when I have the feelings to. Like I'm happy or sad or just thinking a lot. and the poem you wrote sounds like it could reflect some personal feelings from you so maybe that's why she didn't act too impressed. I will tell you that it's not bad and it really is good. the only suggestion i would have is to check the rhythm. I don't mean for you to rhyme the lines, but make them balance. Like sometimes you have a short line and then a line that carries over like with the first few. I try and read my poems out loud to myself to see if they are easy on the tongue. but really yours is not bad and I wouldn't even change the whole lines thing unless it bothers you. so great job!

Answer 3

When you pour your heart
into something.........
It can never be bad.