I was abused as a child. Now as an adult I find myself with not self esteem, no self confidence and confused in relationtionships. I don't know how to tell if my current husband is abusive or am I just feeling sorry for myself. I have been to counseling several times to some very good counselors. The problem is, I always end up back where I am right now. Depressed, confused, and wondering.
2007-03-09 08:14:09 · 7 answers · asked by Jan H 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Defintitely seek counseling. I was verbally abused as a kid and in my head, I still play those harsh words over and over. I can't really take compliments, and I feel undeserving of praise. You really have to have a tough skin NOT to let it bother you, even decades later.
Good luck!
2007-03-09 08:19:34 · answer #1 · answered by Holly 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Did they refer you for medical screening?
If not, they were not very good just for this oversight.
There is always a possibility that you ahve not been able to get proper neurological functioning to occur, and you may need more therapy,
but you may also need chemical help to get the brain, an organ, to work just right.
Or close enough.
For instance, there was a physiological psychology study done in which adrenaline was injected into some patients (told it was a cold vaccination or something), and then there were people injected with just sugar water.
Well, the people with just sugar reported really even-tempered feelings, a little up, a little down.
The people who were injected with adrenaline were all kinds of pissed off about having to be stabbed with a needle or happy to have had such a nice chat with some stranger in the waiting room, you know?
We can start to have all kinds of thoughts, just because of poor hormonal or neurochemical balances.
2007-03-09 16:22:55 · answer #2 · answered by starryeyed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I WAS the exact same way!!! You just need to find a hobby that you can really gey into with some of your friends. Maybe take a week off work and go have fun at a resort or where you think you could smile!
2007-03-09 16:43:16 · answer #3 · answered by ziggygirl101 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes you do but now without it's affects.
I was in an alcoholic abusive relationship for 13yrs and not only was there verbal abuse in the home but in public places as well as physical abuse in the home only.
Even after I got out of that marriage,I had one live in boyfriend who also used physical abuse ONCE and I filed on him.
As I began to date and spend time with men I saw I too was scared and if these men used loud voices or said curse words,I could feel myself withdrawing within myself.
Sometimes I would get panic attacks and I would have to physically leave the premises.
If someone was to catch me off guard and grab my arm when I didn't realize they were anywhere close to me I would get sooo very anxious and on one ocassion I came out swinging and trying to free myself from this person's surprise approach though I have little memory of doing such.(the guy meant nothing by his grabbing of my arm).
I began to realize that I could let my previous abuse issues continue to control me or I could take the control over it.
I had to realize that not all men behave like this (and if they do I can always LEAVE) and IF I wanted to ever be able to get into another relationship I needed to LET GO of the past.
Sometimes I have had to just stand tall and listen when I felt like running.
Sometimes I have had to just tell someone that I was uncomfortable with their behavior.
It's like fallling off of a horse,unless you want the horse to know it can run over you. . . you get back on and keep on getting back on until you beat that horse.
It's been 10yrs and it has taken work but I can honestly say that I am ALOT better.
I'm in AA and have been for the last 10yrs (drank because of my low self esteem and the abuse) and I have learned in AA that when I get into my self pity I need to figure out if I am truly a victim or if I am a volunteer.
Are you truly a victim or a volunteer (accepting unacceptable behavior when you have recourse to do otherwise)?
I had to be HONEST with myself and look at my abusive past and admit that I had been a volunteer verses the victim I always thought I was so therefore I was partial to blame for my abuse because I stayed in that 13yr relationship when I had other options that I chose to ignore.
We as women tend to pick the same kind of men that our fathers were and mine was somewhat verbally and somewhat physically abusive. . . picked a man like that and stayed with him for 13yrs.
I showed progress when I took on the next guy and he hit me once and I filed on him and got him out of my life.
Now when I get into a relationship I have a good measuring stick for deciding whether to stay with that guy or not and my measuring stick is IF I have any kind of a nightmare about my abusive past,this dream is telling me something. . . I've actually see this work in my life and at first I poo poo'ed it away but I can now see that this is my internal alarm and now I listen to it.
Be sure to see where your husband is right vs you are wrong.
Be sure to see where your husband is wrong and you are right.
You know what abuse is and you know if your husband is being abusive. It is now your turn to step up to the plate and recognize if you are using this to play the victim,to get attention to gain control over your husband etc.
Kinda harsh words but if you want to get over this it takes getting HONEST! ! ! ! !
2007-03-09 16:53:46 · answer #4 · answered by Just Q 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep a relationship with a good counselor ongoing so they can track your moods and help you decode your life.
There is healing for you in Jesus also.
2007-03-09 16:38:59 · answer #5 · answered by Makemeaspark 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep up the counseling and just try and figure out ways to move on
2007-03-09 16:26:28 · answer #6 · answered by TheOneNOnlyTK 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you've got too the developed the fvckum mentality
2007-03-09 16:22:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋