Am I right to be angry right now?

Question

here is the story... I just want to find out if I am right to feel this way...answers please

This morning my husband was supposed to go have a tire changed, so he left and I stayed home with my 3year old daughter and my mother in law who is here for the day. Anyways, he comes back and starts talking about how he went to the local SPCA and that he saw this beautiful 2 year old Lab and that he wants to adopt so he came back to bring our daughter and our 6 year old snchauzer to visit the dog and see if our dog would get along. I was, at that point, not too thrilled about the idea. A dog of that size needs more room than our little dog...and I thought that the moment was not right...but he had his heart set on having a big dog. »Anyways, he never asked me what I though about it and , after we came back home and I expressed that I did not think this time was right...anyways, he left and he just came back with the Lab... I am soooo mad. He did take what I said into consideration!!

Answer 1

After 39 years of being married, I have learned 2 things.

#1..If you are right, and he is wrong...do you really WANT all of the consequences of being right?

# Is this issue important to the success of your marriage, and happy family?

Have you thought about HIS rights, and how he feels about you not taking his feelings into consideration, but merely banning him from having this dog? Is the lack of respect double sided here?..Do you make all decisions about his life and lifestyle? I am sure you do not, but does he feel that you do?

The dog is there..Can you learn to respect the dog as a real being, and not resent it because it has been put in a situation out of its control?
Will you allow the issue to undermine your marriage, or is your marriage strong enough to put the resentments aside, and continue a loving, caring household.
Pick your battles carefully..Cheating is a degradtion of your marriage vows..This issue is not.

Yes, you do have the right to be angry right now..but do you have the right to destroy or harm a loving relationship over this?
Your choice is whether to have a happy relationship, or one that ends in the courts.

Answer 2

Yes you have a right to be angry, it is something that should have been discussed............ but maybe there was something he heard about the dog from work or where ever that really pulled at his heart strings and he knew that if he asked that you would say no and he hoped if he simply brought it home that in time you would accept it. It does not mean he does not love you, and heck I would much rather have a husband that brings home stray or abandoned animals than stray women. Believe me life could be a lot worse.

Why not sit down with your husband and ask why this particular dog find out what his reasoning is,

and don't be angry with or take it on the dog, the poor thing was abandoned and had no say in the matter and is probably feeling pretty insecure as it is right now if there is a lot of tension going on right now in the house

Answer 3

I'm angry for you!! I would be sleeping at my parents' with my daughter if I were you. That's not ok. The fact that he didn't listen to you is troubling enough, but he manipulated the situation by first bringing it up while his mother was there, and then taking your daughter to see a dog that she of course was going to get her heart set on having. I personally would call the S.P.C.A and tell them that you just can't keep the dog, that you don't have the space, that it wasn't a concensus decision, that your husband just brought it home against your wishes and that you don't believe the dog is going to get the best care under the circumstances. He went behind your back and undermined your opinion, I would return the favor, because in this case, it truly is in the dog's best interest. Also, having worked for the S.P.C.A., I really don't buy his story that this is where the dog came from. They almost ALWAYS do home-visits and background checks before sending a dog home with prospective families.
Good luck to you, I am dying to know how this shakes out!

Answer 4

Of course you have a right to feel angry.
But try to remember, grown men have the most adorable tendency to act like little boys when they get excited about something. The problem with that is that we're their wives not their mothers and we can't make them stand in the corner for time out when they go too far. I'll bet good money that if you talk to him he'll tell you that he's wanted a Lab since he was a small boy. He honestly couldn't help himself. Its some kind of short circuit in a man's brain.
Take a deep breath and try to give the new dog a chance, you can keep a big dog in a small home you just have to be sure to go for lots of walks.Walks in the rain ,walks in the snow, long long walks first thing in the morning and lots of time outside in the afternoon.Guess who's job that's going to be? That's right, the Man / Little Boy of the house. AHHH...SWEET REVENGE :)

Answer 5

You do have the right to be angry furious in fact. You are supposed to be partners and make all of the decisions together right? Tell him what you feel and if the dog doesn't grow on you in a few days like most do ask the spca if they would consider taking him back and finding him a home where all members in the family would be happy to have him.

Answer 6

So he went to change a tire, and more or less came back with a dog. OKAY.... I am going to guess that he is inconsiderate of other peoples feelings and wishes in other aspects as well. I feel sorry for you, sounds like you married a very selfish man. I bet you will be the one to do most of the care for this dog also. Maybe it is time to take a good long hard look at your marriage, and decide if he is really worth it.
Good luck with that!

Answer 7

You are very right to be angry. He’s just committed your family to a 10+ year commitment of your time, money, and space without caring how you felt about it. You were not against another dog, and not even against a big dog, but you felt that it was not the right time. He really disrespected you by not taking your feelings into account and waiting until you were ready.

One thing though - did you make it VERY CLEAR that you did not want this dog? Men can sometimes be a little thick, and they don’t pick up on non-verbal signals or vague disapproval as well as we’d like them to. If you just frowned or said “I don’t know if now is the right time…” he may not have gotten the message at all and felt that you were not really against it.

I think you’ll get attached to the dog, and I think it’ll add a lot to your lives, but I still don’t think it was right for him to do that. I definitely wouldn't take the dog back, but I wouldn't let this guy off without a talking to either. Next time, he might just come home with a car.

Answer 8

You have a right to be mad. Everyone has the right to be mad at anything they choose.

Frankly, if I was married and my husband did that, I would be livid also.

Than again, there is nothing you can really do about it now. The kids are getting attached to the dog and so is your husband. It will be hard to get rid of it now.

You can stay mad and blow off steam, then have a converstation with him about why your are angry. No just about getting the dog but about his behaviors about going to get it. Then learn from the mistake.

I am not married, but this is the more resonable thing I can come up with. It may be harder then it seems.

But to answer your question, you have every right to be upset.

Answer 9

You have every right to be upset but now you have a dog to take care of. Just make sure you don't take your frustration out on the dog. I have to say though that I am a lot like your husband and my husband is a lot like you. I fall in love with animals very easily and he is always talking me out of them. I get frustrated at him for always saying NO but we do have 2 dogs and a baby on the way and I know in the end that right now isn't a good time. I would sit down with your husband and express your frustrations and how you wish he would have asked you your opinion first and then see where do you go from here.

I have to say Props for adopting from the local shelter instead of buying a dog from a breeder!!!!!!

Answer 10

You voiced your opinion that you weren't "thrilled" with the idea but didn't really put your foot down. His mind was probably made up and couldn't bare to see that poor dog lingering away at the SPCA.
Anyway, he overruled you but you have a right to be a little tee'd off. Make the best of it, you might actually come to like the big sucker! Your husband AND the dog!!

Answer 11

I have to agree with a couple of the others here. I have had a very long, happy marriage, and years together before marrying.
I know that you have to give and take..
Yep, you got a right to be upset..
But, if you are the bigger person, the mariage will be much happier.

But, please don't take it out on the dog. he didn't have any choice in the matter.

Hey! Now is the time for you to press for something that You really want!! The ball is in your corner..go get em girl!