Is it me, or its it him? no sex? male opinion welcome please?

Question

my fiance and i have been together for 4 years and have a little girl who's 1. we used to be very sexually active and loved just fooling around ang having fun? now we are never intimate at all, when we go to bed we just sleep? ive tryed everything to be more intimate but his just not interested but i know he love's me? ive even started having dreams of sexual affairs with other people and i feel terrible, like ive cheated? i have put on weight and i wonder if he just dont fancy me anymore but when i ask him he say's he does(but then he would). is it me, i just dont understand? i do love him but im getting sick of it, i know sex is not everything in a relationship but it makes me feel closer to him? ive even thought about leaving coz of it, is that stupid? ive tryed talking to him about it and he try's to make the effort for about a week then it stops again? what do you think? thank you

Answer 1

I have found that I have the same problem. After the first child comes its like you are living for the kid not yourself. and what I mean by that is they always come first from a father prospective I have to work all the time to support my family. I know i was turned off from sex after watching my children being born. He just may be under a lot of stress worries and every little bite adds up. I have to give him credit for trying when you talk about it. What my wife and I do is once a month we set up date night it may sound corney but it works. send the kids to a family members house orfriends for the night and its great. in return you do the same for them.,

Answer 2

I'm guessing the biggest problem would be that the two of you are hardly ever together without your child, am I right? I say this because a similar situation has been happening to me and my husband also. My suggestion, which has worked well so far for us, would be to go out together, just the two of you every so often. It really helps, believe me. And, the best time to really just be alone is after your baby goes to sleep. Keep candles in the bedroom and keep the T.V. off if you have one (or get it out of the room). Start out by just laying there with each other and talk about your day. This should help him feel more closer to you and should want to start getting more intimate. If none of this works and you really have tried talking to him about it, then try writing him a letter. I find it's much easier to write down your feelings than to say them out loud. Let him know in your letter that you would like to hear his thoughts also and invite him to write you a letter. And that way, it won't turn into an argument. Good luck!

Answer 3

I am a female but I can guarantee you that if a your man isn't getting it from you then he is getting it from somewhere else. That's just how men operate. If all of a sudden he is not interested in you anymore then you know there is a problem. True enough there might have been a little weight gain on your part probably due to the one year old that you guys have but if he loved you he would accept that and deal with because you gained that weight bringing something of him into this world. My advise to you would be to sit down and talk to him about the situation. Ask him why he is not interested in your intimate relationship any longer and I would do this before the nuptials.

Answer 4

Here's another case for better communication.Talk with him before, during and after practically anything. You're right when you say that sex is not the only piece of a marriage. It takes a lot more, and to find out what his needs are, you've got to communicate. And don't think for a minute that it's all about talking. Body language is very important, as well as what you do for each other. My wife outweighs me, and I go 237. I love every ounce of her. I must, because we've been married for 40+ years.

Answer 5

Just sounds like you need to spice things up a lil more... One night when he's in bed put on some sexy lingere(his favorite color)...some music and do a little striptease for him. MAke him want you . Become his fantasy. When he is in the shower go inthere with him bath him. Sensually kiss his body as the water beat down on him. There are lots of things that can be done. He is just in a slow down period because of your time together. All you have to do is awaken his surpressed sexually side again. There is nothing wrong with him or you. Just need to spice it back up... Good luck

Answer 6

Men lose interest in sex for several different reasons. The weight gain could be the cause. If that's the problem and he won't tell you, you've got a communication problem. The one year old could be part of it. If your daughter is sharing your bed or if she prevents both of you from sleeping, that could affect your fiance's interest. Finally, stress lowers men's (and women's) sex drive. Any one of those issues could be the cause.

Answer 7

No question if you put on some weight he might not be as attracted anymore. I dated a girl who weighed 130 when I met her and was 180 within a year. I still liked her, but I was so turned off I didn't want to go there anymore. Relationship over.

Answer 8

He's having sex everyday with somebody else. Many people do not believe in limiting their sex to their mate, but they will not tell you. You ought to call the show Cheaters and have him followed around. It's a wonderful show. People report their spouse whenever they are suspicious. The tv show follows the spouse around and gathers information. When proof is found, the show brings you and cameras to your spouse while he is cheating. I love watching it.

http://www.cheaters.com/

Answer 9

What does he say when you talk about it?Obviously he' not interested. Either he can tell you or won't tell you for some reason.
See how me feels about getting another bloke on the side, if he can't be bothered.
It's pretty lame to be in a relationship where you won't shag your mate!!!!

Answer 10

Okay, one thing you should NEVER do is change your physical apperance to appease to anyone but yourself. Realisitcally we've all done it but we can all try and make an effort not to. My best and only advice is to be creative, think outside the box but within your comfort zone. Good luck, and happy landings :)