My husband an I have taken over custody of our grandson. He lies about such things as having homework. This child has had a rough time at home and has been terribly neglected. Any ideas how this might be handled delicately?
2007-03-09 06:02:52 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
It makes sense, since he has had a rough time at home. Make sure he knows that you won't punish him for lying. Well, at least, not as severely. Let him know that you'll love him no matter what. Don't scold him the first few times he does it again - because he will do it again. But if he lies too much, look him in the eyes and tell him how disappointed you are in him. But it's most important to know that you won't give him excessive punishment, such as a beating.
2007-03-09 09:30:48 · answer #1 · answered by Lacey Crescent 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm having the same problem with my 11 yr. old, but it started when he was ten. My question is... Does he play video games or go outside and play after school? I work with my sons teachers on this... First, he is not allowed to play video games except on weekends. Second, he can't watch t.v. or play with his friends until he shows me a completed homework assignment or a note from his teacher stating that he has no homework. He goes to middle school next year, so I don't know what we will do then. It does take commitment from the teacher, child, and parent (which is what you now are). Trust me, if my son doesn't have homework he will make sure his teacher writes a quick note.
If he is lying about other things you probably should take him to counseling. Kids will talk to a counselor long before they will talk to a parent. His lying could have started because he just wanted a different life for himself. So he invented one and it simply became a habit. He could have also started lying to get attention, then it is your job to teach him that his lies won't get the attention, but being honest will.
Good luck, my husband was also neglected by his mother, then raised by loving grandparents. He has turned out wonderfully. IMO, Grandparents Rock!
2007-03-09 14:16:11 · answer #2 · answered by Jayda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem. My son is 10 and he is starting to ly. Take away the lying's success. if you know he is lying keep asking "are you sure it is...." till he comes clean. All kids lie at this age. If he realizes the lie won't work....he will stop. No need to punish unless it is a lie that hurts someone or is dangerous. Just don't let him think that the lies will work. At this age he is not experienced enough to tell really good lies. Just don't let him get to the point of getting good at it....that is when the real problems occur.
2007-03-09 10:24:43 · answer #3 · answered by silliw1961 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's what you do. Become his friend. Work on getting in his world, being accepted by him. Establish yourself as a loving authority figure. When he lies, be innocent. Don't yell, act really sad and hurt by the lies. Tell him how very disappointed he's made you and that lying is for people who are weak.
If the boy is good (and I'm sure he is), it'll kill him to know that he's hurt you. When I was about 13, I told a lie to my dad. I am one of the most truthful people now because learning how bad I hurt him hurt me more than anything. I never wanted to hurt him or anyone again and I decided then and there to be less of a liar! Now I feel sick when I lie, even if it's a little white lie for someone's benefit.
God Bless you for taking your grandson in. Everyone deserves a second chance!
2007-03-09 06:16:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
He probably will continue to lie until he gains some trust in you. You can working on gaining his trust by giving him some responsibilities, like putting out the trash every week, cleaning his room, vacuuming. If you give him positive feedback for these types of things he may become more responsible and honest about other things with you.
2007-03-09 06:38:18 · answer #5 · answered by deejay30 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Lots of patience and love - if his former home situation included neglect, lying may have been the only way he could get attention. Negative attention is often preferable to no attention at all. Encourage him to be truthful by letting him know he can tell you anything, and you will still love him and care for him. He really may not know that. Good luck!
2007-03-09 06:22:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
The real question is why doe he lie. If he lies about homework it is most likely because he has problems with the work.
You have to consider what is more important now. Getting him into a situation of hope and trust or getting him to do his home work. I personally would give him a break for a while.
2007-03-09 06:15:07 · answer #7 · answered by Ernie 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
this is a finished toss up, yet in line with possibility provide him a flavor of his very own medicine! Say, "hey, we can Chuck E. Cheese's on Saturday," and whilst Saturday comes say, "Woops! I lied!" Then, boost a recent 2nd that he lied to you. Now, in the experience that your youngster is one that runs the abode and throws issues at you, in line with possibility that's not a solid thought. it may additionally be super-traumatizing to him. in line with possibility, shaggy dog tale approximately not likely, point out that it rather is purely like how he lied (those days), then take him besides. If he keeps mendacity then do it for authentic. I in no way lied to my mom, for the easy actuality that if she ever found out, she would beat me until i could not walk.
2016-12-18 09:23:11 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes when a child comes from a bad home they become an habitual liar, because they have had to lie for so long to protect their parents and whatever has happened to them.
It is only when a child knows that it is alright to talk to you about ANYTHING...no matter how shocking. that a child will open up and you will see differences.
good luck
Remember stay calm because harsh punishments will not get the habitual liar to backtrack!
Also KNOWING the child to catch a lie as soon as he had dreamed it up worked for me.
I used to tell my son 'Now i know when you are lying...look in my eyes and tell me what you just said'
If he was lying he would not look straight in my eyes.
He knew it was a futile effort to lie to me.
2007-03-09 06:52:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
ask him how it feels for someone to lie to him. tell him you do not trut him and whenever he actually does tell the truth (since he lies so much) then you are not gonna believe him..(boy crying wolf kind of situation) tell him look if you want me to trust you and believe you then u need to not lie because liers get in worse trouble...trouble for actually lieing. my daughter is a bad lier too and she is 15 and now i got to a point that i simply do not trust her . she has back stabbed me has bad mouth me and acts all "Eddie Haskall" style...u remember eddie hascall from leave it to beaver?? he was a lier and back stabber ...my daughter acts like that sometimes. but she wants me to believe her but i wont until i trust her and i even said i might turn the tables and tell u a lie and see how u liek it. u might want to do that with him~ good luck
2007-03-09 06:48:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋