My daughter is 9 and her father has been in and out of her life for all nine years of it. Some times he's really into it and calls her every week and talks about her coming to visit. Then she goes to visit once or twice and then its like he forgets about her for few months. I have to call him and remind him to call her if he hasn't talked to her in a week or two. He only lives about 10 miles away so distance is no excuse. I have another daughter who is 3 and her dad is really envolved with her. Visiting her 2-3 days a week and includes my oldest in holidays and birthdays. My 9 year old is really starting to express her upset with her own father and says she feels like no one notices her. Should I say something to him to encourage him to step up or just leave it alone and let her learn yet another disapointing fact of life?
2007-03-09 05:59:17 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Little additional info- I was married to the fathers of my children when they were born, to reply to one comment.
2007-03-09 06:51:08 · update #1
Speak to him about it in a good way. It will do both of them good if he will get involved in her life. You do not divorce your children.
2007-03-09 06:03:49 · answer #1 · answered by SKYDOGSLIM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am all grown up now, but my dad was not around a lot. He would call maybe twice a month and i might see him once a month, there was distance, but we were, and still are not close. You should try having a closer relationship with your daughters so that the disappoint ment becomes unnecessary. My mom and are super close now, and I still don't really go out of my way for my dad. find something else to absorb her time leaving very little time for her to become depressed by her relationship with her bio-father. The more time you two spend together , the less time she has to stew on how her father is never going to be there for her. And if he does start stepping up more, you will find her telling him she has plans. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad, but i would do anything for my mom. My dad now has 6 children with his wife and I don't hear from him but maybe once every few months, as well as I have not seen him in years. I make myself available, take the time to call and let him know when i am going to be in town, and he never has time. Also, no birthday cards, nothing more than a card at christmas. I won't lie and tell you it doesn't hurt. But my relationship with my mom is strong enough to get me through those hurt feelings, and make me realize who my real parent is.
2007-03-09 14:08:17 · answer #2 · answered by casady96 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well for starters i guess you don't have to make excuses for his inactive participation in parenthood - there's really no good reason for him to be so absent in her life.
on the other hand the other guy sounds like a really nice fella and seems to genuinely play the father figure-role really well.
let your 9 year old feel whatever way she does about her father, but also tell make her realise how special she is so much so even the 3 year old's father dotes on her too.
i think it's ok for you to shower a little more attention on her to "make up" for what little affection she thinks she's missing from her dad because its just a matter of time before she becomes a teenager and wants little attention from any of her parents :)
all the best!
2007-03-09 14:11:07 · answer #3 · answered by Alex R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I remember when I was a kid wondering if my real father ever coming back to see me and he did and then disppeard again and see him again dissppared but you know by the time i only saw him like 10 time for last 34 years and he died last year 2006... I got a letter before his death he was so sorry for not being there and he said it wasn't you son... it me and not being a great father or good father to you and I really sorry and I hope you forgive me...
Reason he not callme becasue I am deaf and he is hearing... But I know that my dad loves me and He done alot good things with other kids making sure they good in school and looking after them... You know my first time to visit my dad side family for 34 years????wow.. shocking huh?
Really your daughter should call her dad and talk to him how she feel.. If you tell him or remind him and all that later she will find out who he really is... Make sure your daughter call her and tell her father how she feels and I do felt really bad.. That why I work really hard to make this marriage work with my wife and I have 3 kids age 3, 2, 5 days old... and you know I make sure that we here as a family ... I will never leave them...
Again you need to tell you ex husband tell him that pls do not promised thing if you can't keep?? Let your daughter know who you are and knowing that you can't keep your promise... talk to him about how much impact he done to this own daughter.
I hope this helps... I do still missed my real father. I want to give him the second chance but he never able to do it.. It was too late for me and him to hug... my mom and jill hated my father.. you know that Jill not my real sister half.. I am real son to my father. I really want to hug him and hold him and say Dad, I love you all my heart and I want you to know that. You always will be my father no matter what. I love you and if you can't love me back that fine... just letting you know that I think of you every day... I want to tell him that but never able to get a chance to tell him.
Make sure the father knows that what if someday you died and your daughter will never be able to moved on her life since she never able to tell you love you and missed you... pls make sure you contact her and because she does talks about you alot.
2007-03-09 14:20:28 · answer #4 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your daughter about her father and most importantly, be honest as much as possible. Remind your daughter that it isn't her fault that her father keeps walking in and out of her life and he does love her. Also, you need to talk to your ex about this issue because he needs to start taking full responsibility for his actions and stop making excuses for his stupidity! Besides, if he doesn't want to be involved in his daughter's life, then let so be it, because he will deeply regret it later by not playing an active role in his daughter's life and your daughter won't respect him as the years go on! Good luck to you!
2007-03-09 14:23:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to express her feelings to her father
herself. Have her write a letter to her father.
Mail it to him. Hopefully that will give him a wake
up call. You might want to get her some counseling
to help with her feelings. You can't make your ex
a better father if he doesn't want to be a good dad
but you can help your daughter cope with her feelings.
2007-03-09 14:08:01 · answer #6 · answered by Precious Gem 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to her that him being absent is not her fault. that it has nothing to do with her. if possible, invovle her with her uncles, or some male figure that can be trusted. talking to her about what she is going through is very important. she has to express her anger verbally, or she will act out in ways that will cause her a life time of sorrow, again, tell her she is not to blame!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-03-09 14:07:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please do not think I am trying to beat up on you.Just don't make another baby til marriage is in the picture.a husband who loves you and the kids would make the absences a distant memory
2007-03-09 14:22:20 · answer #8 · answered by miraclehand2020 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell dad that he is causing his daughter emotional distress and if he doesn't step up to the plate he will be paying for therapy.
2007-03-09 14:04:42 · answer #9 · answered by jezbnme 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Speak to him about your little girl concern. hope he can do something abt it.
2007-03-09 14:36:41 · answer #10 · answered by ButterMilkQueso 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋