I know, this is a serious one. My mom used to criticise me a lot and punish/beat me with a metal belt in my childhood often. I know that it did not just hurt me, but left "scars on my soul" if you know what I mean. I used to think that I have dealt with it by now and learnt to have a healthy self-esteeim, yet sometimes I feel so unsure about myself and so desperate for love that it scares me. Is there such a thing as dealing with it once and for all or is this pain supposed to be with me forever? Btw, my mom would still not admit that it was wrong what she did. In fact, she prefers to pretend it never happened.
2007-03-09 05:55:41 · 10 answers · asked by Alyssa Macey 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
There's a lot of good advise and understanding that has already been sent your way. For that I am thankful since it has helped me understand as well. It's just a work in progress for all of us. We continue to search deep within and heal ourselves for the love, nurturing and acceptance we never got as children.
Unfortunately getting hurt in adulthood while still looking to fill that void. I sure know the feeling of that. So far what has sometimes helped is to keep myself positive by following things that can help me grow as a person. Gone back to school to finish my degree, joined the gym (again) and eating healthier to love my body and nourish it.
Just keep reminding yourself that you are worth very much, and that you choose not to see yourself as a victim anymore. Also keep in mind that our parents were never perfect, and they're just as screwed up as we are. That is why it's called the chain cycle, they're just continuing the cycle of abuse they endure, not intentionally but it still happens.
It takes a lot of courage and strength to move forward. Best of luck and hope you find the help you need.
2007-03-09 07:04:31 · answer #1 · answered by grldragon101 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most abusers do feel that the abuse they dealt out was justified, they know how to turn the situation to make it suit their needs and to ease their guilt.
When you are abused as a child it will never leave you it has changed how you define yourself, this makes no difference if you where physically abused mentally abused or sexually abused it never leaves you.
here is the good news though it is something that can define you as being a loving caring person who's choice in life is to never hurt another that way.
I got so tired of hearing people say it happened a long time ago get over it, and now this is what I say to them, I will never get over it but the difference is I have learned to live with it and it no longer occupies my every thought. I am no longer the abusers victim I know what happened to me I don't need the abuser to admit it.
2007-03-09 06:44:06 · answer #2 · answered by Marla D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It will always be with you. How can you forget it? Childhood is a vulnerable time. You should have been loved and nurtured. Of course there are times when your self-esteem will be low due to your past. You will feel unsure of yourself because of the unfair criticism you received. Just know that you were unjustly treated. You can't forget, but you can forgive.
Don't victimize yourself a second time by attributing all your problems to your upbringing. However, be aware that there are many cruel people out there just like your mother and when you encounter one of them it hurts just as much. It won't be your fault either. Shake them off as quickly as possible and move on.
I know from experience. I had a similar childhood. I also never quite feel loved or validated. Life is hard. Just love as much as you can. God loves you unconditionally.
From time to time I have seen therapists. It helps, temporarily, but you never really get over not being loved and nurtured as a child. Not even after succesfully loving and nurturing one of your own as I have. Again, just love as much as you can. The scars are permanent, but they are also a testament to your strength. You survived! So did I. The struggle that remains is learning how to live.
2007-03-09 06:11:33 · answer #3 · answered by amazingly intelligent 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It happened to my mother from her father also, and more. She kept it to herself until the last time I saw her before she died. Don't wait this long hon. It will keep you from getting as close to people as you want. For my Mom she had a lot of problems with men. She never sought therapy, and thought my going into psychology was silly. She just acted tough.
Don't do this. Get counselling or join a support group. You will never forget what happened, but at least you can live in the here and now. Open yourself up hon. Good luck!!
2007-03-09 06:01:55 · answer #4 · answered by Huguenot 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may never completely get over this, Hon, especially if no apology is forthcoming from your Mom. I say this because my mother did the same things to me, in fact, I could have written your question.
I stopped seeking my mother's approval and love a looong time ago; I love her ONLY because of the fact that she's my Mom. There's really nothing else to love. The best thing she ever did was to move to a distant state, and we get along just fine this way.
But Hon, believe it or not---there is one good thing that will come of the way your Mom treated you, and that's that you will never, ever, treat your own children this way, knowing the pain---both physical and emotional--- that was inflicted.
2007-03-09 06:06:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was abused as a child by my mother's boyfriend. I was taken from my mothers custody at 10. I was in therapy for awhile. I acted like everything was fine, but inside I was a nervous wreck. I was always hiding so much pain. I started hurting myself, and lashing out at others. It's always with me, even now. No matter how much therapy I go through, it's still there. I'll always have the emotional scars. You could try therapy. It helps, but it's not going to go away overnight.
2007-03-09 06:03:39 · answer #6 · answered by insomniacprincess2002 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's good that you are aware of your past. Now you can go beyond it and focus on your present. Live the way you want now because you can always make a choice of what you want. Start thinking of what you want in your life. Your mom acted what she knows best. Forgive her and live on how you can improve yourself and be a better person.
2007-03-09 05:59:58 · answer #7 · answered by uniqueness 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, I've heard that story before and mom will say "I rasied you the best I could". Yeah right.
It's not something that goes away. She's not going to change no matter how much you want her to. You have to put it in perspective and accept that this is the person she is and there is nothing you can do to change that.
2007-03-09 06:04:44 · answer #8 · answered by m k 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personal counselling would be useful.
2007-03-09 06:00:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yea go up to her & tell her face to face wat she did to u was wrong..let her kno she not only left scares on ur body but on ur soul and she maked u for ur life..thats wat i do she needs to kno wat she did..or tell her to read the book a child called it!! she'll feel sry bout wat happen to the lil boy and than she will see wat she did to u..if not she than has no heart! & needs help
2007-03-09 06:02:31 · answer #10 · answered by crazysmith187 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋