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My fiance is so wonderful to me and my little girl. Don't get me wrong I in no way want to leave him, but he has one thing that is driving me insane and I don't want it to tear us apart. His ex wife cheated on him. I have never cheated on him or had any intention of cheating on him, yet he looks through my stuff constantly, my phone, my mail, my car, my purse. We have had several fights just because he finds something that in his mind shouldn't have been there. I'm not a secrative person at all. I know he's looking and my opinion on it is I have nothing to hide at all so if that makes him feel better whatever. But he can't understand that if he finds something, I obviously didn't think it was a problem, because I know he's looking and he found it. Recently he saw an old sweatshirt with a phone number on it (company sweatshirt) from a guy that I used to see for a breif period of time. He swears that he's seen that number in my phone and jumped all over me about still being in contact

2007-03-09 05:49:36 · 6 answers · asked by coffee_inthe_evening 2 in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

with him, I have not talked to him since about 2 months after I started dating my fiance ( he used to do a little work for my company) and now he's saying he's going to pull all my phone records and if he finds the number he's out. I'm not worried about him finding the number, cause its not there, but how can I get him to stop getting himself all worked up? He was really mad about it, and there's nothing to be mad about? He is a wonderful man and father, and he does so many wonderful things for me, and I love him dearly. He's honestly everythign I've ever wanted, I just wish he knew that.

2007-03-09 05:53:13 · update #1

6 answers

sounds to me like he is not ready to get married. in order to have a healthy marriage he needs to trust you. Just because he had a bad experience in his past, it does not make it ok for him to not trust you and bring it into his present...
You both need to sit down and TALK about this situation. Marriage is about trust and respect, and it looks like at the moment he is doing neither...

2007-03-09 05:54:44 · answer #1 · answered by stephanie 6 · 0 0

Trust is the foundation to any relationship. If he doesn't trust you now, he never will. Just think what it will be like after you are married. You won't be able to have any kind of life. Surely you can find someone else that treats you and your daugther wonderfully without all the day to day drama.

I think you should sit him down and tell him that this behavior can not continue or you will leave.

2007-03-09 05:54:50 · answer #2 · answered by Red 2 · 0 0

Set up a date for just the two of you and during this date talk to him about your concerns if this is really the man that you want to spend the rest of your life with ask him what you can do to ease his fear of you cheating on him. Reassure him that he is the only one for you. If that doesn't work then maybe it wasn't his ex that cheated. If you accuse someone of something that they are not doing they tend to do just to spite you. Get out before that happens

2007-03-09 06:01:19 · answer #3 · answered by arshaun2 2 · 0 0

just let him know nothing is going on & ur not his ex wife...that u love him & u wouldn't think of hurting him.. let him kno if he wants to know something instead of looking through ur things to jus ask u bout ..sooner or later he'll get the hint.. but he should also trust u bcuz trust is a big thing in a relationship...let him know that u feel..really hurt that he don't trust but yet u can kinda understand bcuz he was hurt really bad in his last relstionship..tell him how u feel bout everything & that u don't want this to tare u guys apart..

2007-03-09 05:56:38 · answer #4 · answered by crazysmith187 2 · 0 0

You need to have a serious talk with him. Let him know how much you care for him and that if hurts you that he takes out his ex's mistakes on you.

Tell him you know he goes through your stuff and you dont care because you have nothing to hide, but if he is that insecure and cant trust you, then you dont know if it will be able to work. You need someone who loves you for you and will trust you, not worry about his ex's cheating and assume that everyone is like her!

2007-03-09 05:54:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Give him the ultimatum:

Either he can trust you and communicate with you like an adult or.....

He or you can leave.

And ask yourself ~ How will this relationship be 10 years from now? And is it worth it to keep going?

2007-03-09 05:53:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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