Why does my fiance' always want to be with me?

Question

This my perception. I feel bad when I dont want to do something with her. I generally care greatly about what people think of me.

In the past when I do something different. I am told I am selfish and I dont care about anyone but myself.

What is normal in a healthy relationship in regards to time together and apart?

Actually I am selfish! And I have spent 30 years single. Even in male relationships I dont spend much time with them.

But I want to change and I want to know the boundaries of what is selfish and what is ok.

Answer 1

she loves you and she wants to spend time with you. just be glad that you are wanted and loved by someone. cherish the moments together.

Answer 2

It's not healthy if you're feeling smothered by the time you spend with her. You don't want to be resenting being with her, which might be what will happen if she keeps forcing you to spend time with her. In a healthy relationship, you might miss the other person when you're not with them, and you will value the time you do get to spend with them, but they are not your whole life. That becomes boring and puts too much stress on the relationship. You need time apart to keep things fresh and interesting.

Maybe she needs to get a bit more independence, and maybe you need to let her know gently that you're going to be doing other things. Instead of saying, "I'm going out with my friends! See you later!" say "I have to go out with my friends. I'd rather be here at home with you, but they're my friends and they need to spend time with me, too. Hey, why don't you go have lunch with your sister? Maybe afterwards, why don't we watch TV together?" Then why not call her while you're out, and say something like, "Yeah, we're just hanging out. But I missed you and was wondering what you were doing."

You should also find out why she considers you selfish for doing your own thing once in a while. Maybe she's worrying that you're drifting away from her (and maybe she's pushing you away by accusing you of being selfish). Maybe she's worrying that while you're doing something else, you might be meeting other women. Either way, you need to figure out why she feels this way.

Good luck!

Edit: Just read your edit, so that changes things somewhat. I'd say if you don't know how much time you should be spending with her, why not ask her how much time she wants. That way, you'll know what she's expecting from you. I'd say at the very least, you should give her one day on the weekend (the whole day, and if you can't make it, you have to schedule another day), and one or two nights during the week. You should also call her lots if you don't get to see her that often.

Answer 3

Well, hate to tell you this, but better get used to spending time together if your planning on marrying this woman. There is nothing wrong with needing to spend some time apart, to do things alone or with friends, however, she should be your FIRST priority, then comes everything else. How would you feel if you really wanted to spend time with her and she felt annoyed about it? I would say this, I would definitely get this personal time thing squared away BEFORE marriage, so she understands and doesn't get hurt. I've been married 18 years, and still hate to see my husband leave for work, not because he doesn't get on my nerves, but because I love him and miss him when we aren't able to be together. Think about how lucky you are rather than being preoccupied with other things you could be doing. It's all about devotion!

Answer 4

For one thing you shouldnt care what others think of you. Screw them.

Well it sounds like she might be clingy. Being together ALL the time can really ruin a relationship. Abscence does make the heart grow fonder as they say.

Healthy is doing some things together and other times doing things with friends or just having some time to yourself. Everybody needs space every now and then some more than others.

Answer 5

Well sugar...first of all we are talking that you are engaged to this person and already you don't want to spend all your time with her. Do you plan on living apart when you are married? I don't think you should have to spend every waking hour with her (even when married), you should do what guys like to do and maybe if you invited her to a guy kind of think she will likely refuse you. If you don't want to go shopping with her you should get to make that choice occassionally. Encourage her to spend some girl time with her friends....she will want that after you are married. Are you sure you want to marry her?

Answer 6

Realtionships require private time...after the flame burns down from the chase....we all find ourselves wanting some "me time"...which is something that most human beings thrive for. Unfortunatley many people don't know this...and end up driving their mates away...that's were that..."your too clingy" phrase comes from.

Answer 7

Maybe you don't really love her or , as you say, you're just a selfish immature person who only thinks of his own needs.

Answer 8

she always wants to be with you because she loves you if you feel like you don't always have to be with her then maybe you don't love her as much as you think because when you love someone you have to be with them everyday just being with that person makes you feel good maybe you are selfish

Answer 9

You both need to compromise. You need to spend time with her and show her how much you love her. You should encourage your fiance to be a bit more independent.

Answer 10

obviously she will wont to spend a lot of time with you, shes your fiance. And you should want to spend a lot of time with her too.

But its not healthy to ONLY spend time together....make like one night a week for you guys to spend time apart with other friends....