Catholic with Mormon Fiancee Help!!?

Question

I am Catholic, though not very "hard-core" i do not go to churhc every Sun., though I do believe in the Catholic beliefs. My finacee, who I have been with for 7 years, is Mormon, he has not been practicing for several years, however, believes that the Mormon church is the "right church". While this isn't going to split us up, I am concerned about having children. I would prefer not to raise them Mormon, as it is very hard for me to understand and accept what the religion teachs and preachs. I do not feel that they should need to be Catholic, but they need some type of religion. I have tried to suggest other religions that we may be able to settle on and my Finacee is not budging. My parents were 2 different religions (Lutheran and Catholic) which are very similar. I am not asking him to convert, however, his family thinks I should convert to Mormonism. My grandfather was Mormon and didn't have a good expirience and I am having a hard time saying I will raise my kids as Mormon.

THIS IS NOT A DEAL BREAKER!!!!! We have been together for 7 years and we were both aware of the religous diferences. We are both responsible and are trying to find a soultion prior to having children.

As for our wedding, we will be married outside by a non-demonimational minister.

Answer 1

Well first off I think it is very important to deal with the issue before the marriage. Also I would say a great deal of this depends on how important each of your believes are to your life. I know Mormons are very set in their beliefs and can feel a great bit of guilt for turning away from the "true church" as they see it. I would recommend pre-maritial counseling with the person marrying you. I would imagine if they are doing your wedding in the first place there would have more of an open mind as opposed to telling you to only go to the church they minister at. I am a minister at non-demonational Christian church myself and have done counseling sessions like this before.

Answer 2

I think you've got a deal-breaker there, sorry. And the problem is more than just different religious beliefs.

You won't be happy being half-a-Mormon and he won't even try anything else, right? What do you think it would be like with kids in the picture? His family will become more and more insistent about their church where their grandkids MUST go, and about their son's apostate wife. I've seen this happen before, and it ain't pretty.

Tell him goodbye, give him his ring, have a good cry and look for someone a bit more willing to try a compromise - or someone of your own faith. If you were both LDS, or both Catholic, or for that matter, both Hindu, perhaps things would be fine. But I worry that your guy's unwillingness to even look at compromises will carry over into other areas as well. Marriage requires a heap of compromising, and if one party is inflexible, the marriage is likely to become unhappy and fail painfully.

Answer 3

Years ago I knew a couple that had the same issue as you do. She decided she would eventully get him to see things her way. She never once relized that he had no interest in changing his views and as such never would. After they had 3 kids they worked out a deal where she took the kids to Mass every other week and he took them to the LDS church the other weeks. By the time the kids were in elementary school they had decided they wanted to be LDS because of the kids activities and the friendships they had developed thru Primary. So she called her sister (who was a Nun) and asked for some advise. Her sister told her she could have either her religion or her family. Her sister also told her to follow her family becauce she had agreed to love and honor her spouse when they married and it was time to do so. They are still a family but they are all LDS now because he was firm in his belieiv in his religion.

Are you willing to risk losing your family down the road if they don't agree with you? If you are willing to consider changing religions now and his is not why would you think that would ever change for him? Do you relize you already said he believes it is the true church and you don't seem to have that feeling about your religion and don't really feel that way about any religion. So why are you trying to fight this because it is what he wants and will not budge, that is not likely to change. So either you will have to change your thoughts and ideas to accomidate him or end it now because you can't make him change a belief just to suit you. Just like he can not make you beleive in his religion.

Answer 4

I am in a similar situation where I am Catholic and my boyfriend is a pantheist (ie he is spiritual but believes that God/whatever is in nature and not in church). Here is how we resolved it:
- We will get married by a catholic priest with as little religion as possible in the ceremony (the person above is wrong, you don't have to convert at all. Just to agree to raise any children in a catholic household)
- Our children will be raised to be respectful of all religions and will go to Catholic CCD to learn values and the bible, however they will not be confirmed until they are old enough to decide what they want
- my boyfriend will not convert and will attend church with us on Christmas and Easter
- when the children are old enough to question religion (like 10+) we will discuss why we have different views
- both of our parents will support us in not pushing religion/lack there of on the kids

We got to this point after over a year of talking about it. I would recommend either setting aside a designated time to have "the talk" and come to an agreement or to go to counseling to come to a compromise. However, do not get married and bring children into this world until you know for sure what you are going to do.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

It sounds like you guys accept each others' differences already, which is good. You also understand that with each of you believing differently it will be an extra hurdle in the relationship you will have to face. Neither one should feel any pressure to change their religion, unless they want to (and it would be wrong to expect the other to do so). I am Mormon and my wife is agnostic (not as easy to find a middle ground as a Catholic and Mormon). We understand our differences. I go to church weekly and she does her thing (chills or whatever). We have a 10 month old son and the issue has obviously come up. I blessed my son at birth, but we are in agreeance he will make his decisions as he gets older, with out support (although it may be tough for my wife if he wants to be Mormon because she thinks the religion is wacky). We will each be an example and live our faiths. We will teach him to respect all religions and to find out what is right for him on his own. It will be hard, no doubt, but if there exists trust and respect in the relationship it should turn out fine (one can't have a hidden agenda). Good luck, but it can work fine. I love my wife and son to death and don't regret the decision one second!

Answer 6

Well, make sure your man and you talk about it. As long as he is willing to stand up to the church and family on that side than you should be okay. Otherwise, tough luck. They "care" a lot about their members (sometimes it seems like care, sometimes it seems a little much) and will really pressure members, even inactive ones, to come back to the church, and especially to raise their children in the church. I am not LDS, so I would say never raise your kids in the church, I have met too many that feel guilty all the time for things they do wrong, but won't leave the church because they depend on it so much. On the other hand, they have great options for kids that don't get them into trouble, such as church dances and such.

Answer 7

Your fiance is not a person without reason, just as I am sure you are not. Before one of you tries to push the other into a new faith, I would hope you would both be willing to explore each others' religions before closing your minds to them. I know for a fact the LDS church does not teach against any other church. Though I personally believe the LDS faith to be true, I think mutual understanding can definitely be reached. I am not implying your converting. Just try to have an open mind, and ask the same of him. Good luck!

Answer 8

This is an issue that needs to be decided before marriage and children. Religion is such an important issue, as illustrated by your future husband's refusal to raise the children as anything but Mormon. This is also why most religions prefer that you marry within the church. It is kind of silly to expect your fiance to just choose a new religion when he already believes he has found the only true one and interesting that, as a catholic, you would choose to just become something else - it doesn't really speak to the conviction of your beliefs.

Answer 9

I hate to say this but, this is a problem that leads a lot of couples to divorce. That is why a lot of pastors won't marry people from 2 completely different religions because the thing that ends up splitting them up is how they raise their children.

It's not that you are on different levels, but that you are on completely different fields. I know you love him, but you are also being wise to think about your future and your future children. This is a very serious issue because, if you give in to what he wants, you could grow to resent him later for forcing it on you. I reccomend you go to a counselor.

Does that man who is marrying you, do counseling? If not, find someone who specializes in this. They will be able to talk to both of you and you might discover that this is not something you are willing to compromise on. But having a mediator is the best option given your situation. It has to be someone that is unbiased, and is not from either side, and doesn't have a vested interest in swaying either of you, one way or the other.

I am sorry you are in such a tough situation

Answer 10

You can teach your children both religions, and later, when they are older, they can decide for themselves which they choose to follow, if any!

As far as his family wanting you to convert to Mormonism... that's a personal choice, and my advise is don't let anyone push you into anything, especially a religion you are unsure of. Investigate the church if you wish, and make your own choice. You can even attend the church with him and not join. Don't feel pressured, the decision is still yours!

Good luck!