2007-03-09 04:55:13 · 18 answers · asked by Girl with Kaleidoscope Eyes 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i suspected he was still trying to contact her and i found an email he had sent her...saying im back with C(me), but would you like to go skiing?
2007-03-09 04:57:57 · update #1
it just seems like he is trying to make ex gf jealous to see if she still wants him...i think he still wants her back...she dumped him
2007-03-09 06:01:17 · update #2
Of course you say no. An ex is not a good idea to have around in your life especially when you're getting married soon.
You will always have doubts about an ex cos they had an intimate past together. Not to talk of when they do spend time together, you'll start to wonder. Don't even talk let him push you or talk about you not trusting him cos you just don't wave your ex-intimacies in front of your soon-to-be wife. And you can tell him that you may trust him but not her.
You will always have doubts. It's only human to feel as such. And you'll be daft not to question that. Build the future on a clean slate.
He should respect your wishes and concerns. Who should be more important to him? The soon-to-be wife or ex-girlfriend? If he disagrees and refuses, well, think twice about him. Why on earth would he want to keep an ex around to upset his wife? He has to know it does upset you in a little way. And you don't have to feel guilty for feeling so.
My dear, on reading your additional notes, he's up to something. Think thrice now about him. And yes, confront him immediately & see him squrim. It's never too late to back out when you're not married yet.
2007-03-09 05:06:17 · answer #1 · answered by Bugsy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1. There is always the logic of:
A)"I knew her before you."
B) We really are just friends
C) I love her and she means a lot to me/we've been through a lot together... and that does not mean more than what I feel for you.
Well, there are a couple of things that may red flag this situation,
1) Is the ex in a healthy relationship now?
2) Is she no longer romantically interested in your fiance?
3) Does she like and/or respect you?
4) Does your fiance make an effort to make you comfortable around her?
If you have to answer NO to any of these questions, there is DEFINITELY room for an open, honest discussion, IMMEDIATELY. Marriage is a sacred union and one should not enter into it lightly. I don't know where you stand on God's word, but it says that when a man chooses a wife, he leaves his mother AND his father. CERTAINLY he shouldn't be hanging on to his ex girlfriend (that's MY word.)
Bottom line is, if you feel insecure about this situation, he should be making every effort to ease that. It wont magically go away after "I do." And since you are the one he's pledging his life, time, finances, sickness/health, ALL that to, YOU are the one he should be seeking to please. There is nothing wrong with you being concerned and him wanting to maintain ties with a "good friend," but you both have to do what is HEALTHY for you BOTH.
On the flip/Random quick side bar: If you answered YES to those questions, cool off. You don't have to be everything for your guy. You CANT be. He'll need outlets other than you, and a GOOD friends are hard to come by; male or female. Just make sure you guys have a constant open line of communication, give each other room to breathe, listen and adjust. No good comes from panicking and badgering.
****RED FLAG, I JUST SAW YOUR ADDITIONS. If YOU dont trust him sweetheart, BOUNCE. Even if the church/hall is rented and the dress is paid for. Chalk it up as a learning lesson. DO NOT be so caught up in getting a "permenent man" that you end up with a "permanent problem" Lets not even get into the issue of children, STDs, law disputes and straight misery and depression. You should never have to suspect and snoop. The truth is, you probably know the truth already. Its not too late to leave.
Space will probably do you good even if the relationship is worth repairing. Leave. You're giving him too many options and once you're married, dear, you wont have any.
2007-03-09 05:34:58 · answer #2 · answered by EVRYONEVRYWHR 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keeping this girl in his life is only going to put a strain on your relationship. Once a guy has had sex with a woman they never look at them the same. The whole friend thing sounds like crap to me. He needs to move on and ditch the ex or you need to go packing. Once you accept this woman as his friend you will never be able to get rid of her. Do you really want your mans ex to be a part of your marriage. Don't let him use the bull**** excuse that your just being over jealous. Or you don't love me because you don't trust me crap. This isn't a trust issue this is a marriage issue.It's only being sensible. I'm sure he would hate it if one of your exes was your best friend. He seems to be setting himself up with a safety net just in case things don't work out with you. Right now is the time to find out what is more important to him you or his ex. You don't have to go along with what he says on this one and don't be afraid that he will choose her. If he does it's better you know now. Don't be afraid that you may have to start over you'd be better off in the long run. The choice is yours but do you really think this is a solid way to start a marriage. And honey if the man looses it and throws a fit it's because he's realizing he can't have his cake and eat it too.
Don't be stupid on this one your life is riding on this one you want to be happy or just going through the motions just not to be rejected. Take a chance if it's true love he'll do what is best for your relationship with him and not what is best for him and his ex. You can do it! Good Luck :)
2007-03-09 05:18:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's a really BAD idea. I would be willing to bet money that there's an affair waiting to happen.
You guys really need to work this through BEFORE you guys get married. Seriously.
I'm not saying it's impossible for a guy and a girl to just be friends, but if he's slept with her before, he'll want to again. You'll go visit friends/family for the weekend, and well...he'll go "visit" her. They'll cuddle up under a blanket to watch a movie together, and one thing will lead to another.
How would he feel if the situation was reversed?
I've been happily married for 10 years. I hold myself to the following conduct: Don't do something I would not want my wife to be doing.
2007-03-09 05:09:02 · answer #4 · answered by Voice_Of_Reason 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Theres nothing you can do to stop them talking to each other, in this age of mobile phones and internet chat, its pointless trying. In fact if you try to stop it, you make it exciting and naughty, making it desireable.
My advice is to put up with it and address the real issue which is that you feel insecure about this and you worry they will get back together.
2007-03-09 04:59:48 · answer #5 · answered by vaivagabundo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Technically it may be ok, but I don't blame you for being worried.
Out of respect for you he maybe should cool the friendship. To get the point across tell him you're having lunch with an old boyfriend.
2007-03-09 04:58:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
regularly i does not touch this concern with a ninety 9 a million/2 foot pole, yet once you have reliable emotions for the lady that are real and he or she reciprocates those emotions for then you you definately could start to go forward. in spite of if, earlier you do something evaluate your friendship along with her and your guy pal. you may confront him and certainly confer with him approximately how he might sense in case you and her have been to date. in case you 2 are extremely good acquaintances and you does not prefer to lose him over some lady if he's not comfortable with it, then according to risk you may back off and supply it it sluggish to cool down first earlier purely leaping in the present day into the dating. in spite of if, in case you 2 at the instant are not in all probability good acquaintances and you sense even better approximately her then you definately do approximately your friendship with him then you definately could go forward and make your flow. All is straight forward in love and conflict. purely take the essential steps to ease into it. you do not prefer to hurry into something and yet the two your self, her, or him into the awkward place of choosing facets. purely determine that's greater important his friendship or her affection and TAKE some time to settle in this! terrific of success!
2016-10-17 23:16:43 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hell no and the ONLY acception is if they share a child together. Other than that there is NO reason to remain friends with someone u were intimate with in the past ESPECIALLY when u are on the cusp of getting married!!!
2007-03-09 04:58:01 · answer #8 · answered by Papi G 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
some people are much better as friends then lovers. i mean, what if they had dated when they were young and immature, and later grew apart and THATS why they broke up. they could still be great friends, just not interested in each other.
2007-03-09 04:59:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No . Coz there could be a probability that he might fall in love with her again or wanna patch up with her . So watch out
2007-03-09 04:59:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋