2nd grader very confused about sex?

Question

I caught my daughter kissing her 10 yr old cousin.We dealt with it and made her understand that is a NOt Something that is done and we monitor them very closely now.She understood and was very repentive about it.She recently told me that a boy in her class put his hand on her privates while they were watching a movie in class under a blanket. There are other kids who are making comments like-lets pretend we had sex if we are playing mommy and daddy.My kid is very confused.I think she is dealing with peer pressure too to be cool with these things.
Should I take her for conseling?If I talk to her perdiatrician will they have to report it?
She did not walk away from the movie as the teacher had told that no one can get up before th movie is over.She is a very obidient kid .I am afraid to talk to her about sex'causeI feel she is too young to deal with that info and might use it wrongly.This is a new school for her so she has limited friends.She does not want to alienate the ones she has

Answer 1

Kissing her cousin is VERY normal, children see thing like kissing and are curious about it. They usually talk to or ask or experiment with it with someone they trust. As for acting out having sex playing house, this is not new, I think that's been going on since the game of house and doctor started. Children at his age know that boys and girls are different and are curious about it. She is showing you and screaming out that she wants to know. She won't grasp all of it. Let her know where babies come from, get an adolescent pamphlet and show her "this is a girl, this is a boy" - I say pamphlet as the pics will be drawn and are just done usually in anatomical poses. Once you sait her curiosity about the subject, THEN teach her about appropriate and not appropriate. When to say no and about permission. Let her know that she can not give consent as she is too young. Inform her teacher immediately, obviously others in the class are having the same curiosity and confusion. The same topics need to be addressed within the class as well. Never shame your child nor encourage her to feel shame about these things. You don't want her to grow up to be sexually repressed and confused. You're obviously doing a good job as she felt comfortable enough to tell you what happened.

7 years old is a perfect time to talk about sex, reproduction and menstruation. An alarming number of children are having sex between ages 6-9. She will start her period in a couple of years, she needs time to be prepared. She deserves to hear it from you, in the way you want to teach it, not from her school nor from other children.

Good Luck, hang in there, you're doing a great job!

Answer 2

You'll take her to a therapist and let a total stranger talk to your kid about sex instead of doing it yourself? How is that cool or good parenting?

If she has questions, answer them. Also make sure she understands where the zones on her body are where others should not touch her as it is socially inappropriate.

As for questions of sex, she's young and likely will not understand if you start talking about penises and vaginas and sperm and eggs. What she will understand is that it's something that occurs between people in love. Remember that she has no exposure and thus does not know these things. Therefore you can tell her limited information and she will take it in and you don't have to go into detail. Tell her that if she has any questions to ask you, and you as a mom should answer them truthfully.

Keeping this issue behind closed doors will only ensure that your child is sexually under-aware, and that does no good for her in the world. She needs basic knowledge now that she can develop later on.

Also if she asks something that you feel is beyond her years to know, simply tell her that you don't think she quite needs to know that yet, but if she asks you later on you will tell her. This gives you time to thoroughly research the topic and tell her the most informative answer possible.

Best wishes to you, and remember education starts at home, and sensitive education such as sexual development shouldn't be taught by strangers.

Answer 3

Situations like this are *exactly* why you need to talk about sex so young. Other kids are getting the information and not always in very flattering ways. Just think, since we can watch any movie we want at home kids are seeing R rated stuff every day. Sexually nuanced shows premier during prime time. Kids see this and if parents aren't talking about it the kids have no moral guidelines to process the information.

Personally, I started my sex education with my kids with how I named body parts. I didn't just name nose and mouth but the whole range of private parts too. And I made sure I talked to them as they grew older so they knew what "private" parts were and if people wanted to see or touch them they needed to tell a trusted adult. Me, a teacher, grandma, a doctor...tell someone. Their education has grown from there as they grew. We'll never have "The Talk" because we have had lots of little ones as the subjects come up.

I think if your DD's peers are so sexually knowledgeable you *need* to give her the information along with your moral compass. She's second grade so she may not need to know the full mechanics of sex yet but does need to know that it's part of a relationship that adults have and maybe even that it involves private parts and sharing. That's why it's only for adults. She needs to know what to do if others try to take her into that sort of relationship when she's not ready. She needs to know it's ok to say "NO" when it's happening. As an obedient child she needs to know that saying "no" is more important than any other instruction she's been given.

You may want to talk to the teacher to see if she's noticed activities like this in class and how she handles them. It's sounds just like kids being kids but how she handles it determines how it grows.

Answer 4

Don’t avoid your child’s questions. Children know that their other questions are answered, so they are confused that questions about their bodies and sex are not. They may interpret this topic as shameful. Give them a simple and understandable answer.

Tell the truth. Don’t dance around the topic with fantastical tales, like “babies come from the stork.” If your children believe these myths, it will be hard for them to know when you are telling the truth.

Try to disguise your awkwardness. Your own anxiety comes across to your child, and undermines your point when you are trying to send the message that sex is healthy and natural. If need be, rehearse what you are going to say, so you can stay calm and collected.

Broach the subject at the right time. Your child might not ask directly about sex, but instead make comments like, “Sally said there is a baby in her mommy’s tummy.” Use these as opportunities for further discussion.

Don’t delay. The longer you wait, the harder it is for you to break your pattern of avoidance. Plus, you want to establish yourself early on as a source of good sexual information for your child, so they know they can come to you later.

Connect with other parents. Especially as your children grow, knowing what is going on with their friends and schoolmates can give you clues about what’s ahead in this arena.

Also tell her that if ANYONE touches her there at ANY time she is to tell an adult right away. Wether it be a teacher or if she leaves the room and goes Directly to the princeiple. Under the sercumstance i would belive an adult would not care if your child left the room and if they do then it is not a school i would alow my child in. Tell her that the people that touch her there when she is uncomforetable is not a friend. You must be direct in how you handel this situation. children are easily confused.

Answer 5

Hi
My first instinct would be to discuss this with your daughters teacher and make them aware of what is happening and then they can at least monitor closely in future circumstances and watch the boy involved. They may even speak to his parents and organize someone to come into the school and do a group talk on touching and how it is inappropriate and that it is ok to say no or to even go and tell someone. Id then be inclined to not make a huge deal out of it with your daughter just monitor her closely for further incidents. Then maybe think of seeking advice from a professional. You don't want to confuse her at such a young age. I think that this is all it is that these children are young and are mimicking adult actions that they may have seen or heard about on tv etc.
Hope this helps

Kind regards
Jewelz

Answer 6

Wow, she is awfully young. I didn't even know anything about sex or even that it existed when I was that young.

First off I would tell the teacher about the incidents so that she knows who to monitor.

Next explain to your child that no one should be touching her private parts or make her feel uncomfortable. If that should happen, she should tell you or her teacher right away.

Tell her that pretending to have sex while playing is also inappropriate, and it's a very intimate activity that should wait until she is MUCH older(abstinence).

You don't have to get into details with it because she most likely won't get most of the information anyway.

Answer 7

Sounds like her classmates are not so confused. Are you in an inner city area?

When I was growing up I too experienced similar things at young age from my peers.
Children at that age are not slow or deaf n blind- they usually learn what they do from their parents or caregivers- sometimes siblings....

It is normal for children to experiment but close adult supervision is necessary so that they dont go too far... You did the right thing by telling her not to kiss her cousin.

I am appalled by the act that happened at school. I am shocked the teacher allowed blankets- the type of act that happened is why they are not allowed at most school functions.

Tell your daughter that if something like that is going on she has every right to scream out to the teacher "Mrs Jones, Tommy is putting his hands on me please help" or whatever.. cuz the child can feel its acceptable if nothing happens

Your daughter is old enough to understand that sex is real and its something that only married adults do and its to make babies. You can help her to understand that her body is hers and she needs to protect it and save it for her husband.

I have a third grade girl whom I have to deal with these topics. Lets just say Our sex life is suffering because we have to be sensative to what the kids hear, see, smell

Lets face it anybody watching television, reading magazines, looking at billboards or listening to todays music can plainly see too much for their own senses... The world is messed up and we as parents have to be careful of what the kids are exposed too... even through their peers...

Answer 8

My oldest is in 2nd grade. I can't believe what you have to deal with already! I don't look forward to it either! I would think generally it's too young to talk to them about it, but you have a different situation on your hands and need to act accordingly. Obviously you always want to be the first to explain things to them so they do fully understand. And even if your daughter does seem too young, you kind of have to now b/c of what happened.

It will give you a chance to let her know what is right and wrong, so she completely knows when someone is doing something to her that they shouldn't be. It'll be tough, but she's better off learning a few things about it before her idea of it is totally warped from these other kids. Good luck.

Answer 9

It's too bad but it seems like it's time to have "the talk" and make sure she isn't "confused" anymore. Help her understand that it's ok to say "No" when another kid touches inappropriately.
She doesn't need counseling, she just needs the correct information for what she's exposed to.
Specifically mention the movie rules. Tell her that if someone is doing something bad to her like that, it's ok to get up and tell the teacher. Even though there's rules, there are also exceptions.

Answer 10

You need to teach her about sex and that it is a private matter between adults who love each other. Children should not be allowed to share blankets in 2nd grade. You should have a talk with the teacher about what is going on in her classroom. You also need to teach your child that if someone is touching her or making her uncomfortable that she has the right to say something always...no matter where she is. Make sure she understands that she is in control of her body and the only people who are allowed to touch her private area are Mommy, Daddy and the doctor (only if mommy or daddy are in the room).
If you have concerns on teaching your daughter feel free to talk to your pediatrician or to the school counselor. Both are required to report suspected sexual abuse, they will most likely not report this incident.
The less you talk to your child the less she will understand and the easier it will be to take advantage of her. Well informed children are less likely to be abused sexually and they are more likely to report abuse if it does happen.