So I'm usually a very layed back person. I'm getting married in a couple months and I'm soo stressed out. The main reason is because my future mother in law is driving me insane! She went out with my future sister in law and had my furture sis pick out all my wedding acessories like (guestbook, cake cutting stuff, wedding glasses etc.) I'm soo upset because I don't like any of the stuff it isn't me at all. I don't know what to do. I think I should of been asked what I would of really liked. Am I wrong to think this?
2007-03-09 04:24:45 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I would recommend you still go ahead and purchase the wedding accessories you would like for your wedding ceremony and reception. But to keep the peace, I would let them know that you have already made plans for your accessories but would like to use the accessories they purchased for your rehearsal dinner. This way, you still get to choose what you want for your wedding and at the same time you are still using the items that purchased without your input.
2007-03-09 04:32:03 · answer #1 · answered by Veronica W 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ugh... hopefully this was a well-meaning faux-pas on their part and not trying to take over your wedding.
Are you wrong to think and feel the way you do? Absolutely not. It's your wedding and you do have the right to have things you like.
The one question that popped into my mind is whether or not she thought she was asked (or maybe WAS asked - check with your man) to take care of these details. If so, the best you can do is say something like "I can't thank you enough for taking this over for me. They're lovely, but I have to be honest, they just don't fit my personality. Can we have a "girl's afternoon" next Saturday and shop for them together?
Now, if that isn't going to work, or she did this all on her own, you are under no obligation to use the items. Be gracious and polite and if possible, see if they can be used elsewhere during the big day.
And one other thing - since this is "in law" stuff, make sure you and your guy are on the same page with all this. With all the pre-wedding stress, the last thing you need is an argument about family.
2007-03-09 04:49:51 · answer #2 · answered by Church Music Girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong, it is your day and you should have some say in the matter. Maybe you should talk to them, let them know that you appreciate their help, but they should have asked you about it first. Even if you are not paying for the wedding, you still should be able to pick what you want because it's your wedding. It sounds like they picked things that they wanted for their wedding. Talk to them, then talk to your soon to be hubby let him know what has been done and how you feel about it. I think picking that stuff out should be between you and your hubby because you two will have to look at it as a memory of that joyous occasion for the rest of your lives together, not his mother and sister.
I hope this helps =~)
2007-03-09 04:37:51 · answer #3 · answered by Cormeliusb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No
I think you have a right to be upset they should have consulted with you or maybe offered to buy the things but you can come and help them with a decision of what to choose. Especially if you had a theme in mind and this stuff is all wrong. Sorry to hear that a tough situation I would just ask if they don't mind bringing it back and picking something out that is more in the theme or colors you were thinking.
2007-03-09 04:39:19 · answer #4 · answered by Tracy.W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's it, your wedding is officially doomed. You do not have the right accessories,........ you might as well just give back the ring and call the whole thing off....
Seriously though, as long as it is not intolerably tacky, and you did not have to pay for any of it, I don't think it is too much of a problem.
But then again, it might have been nice if they had included you in their decisions, seeing how it is your wedding, not theirs.
If you are feeling really miffed about it, you ought to respectfully tell them, that you appreciate that they are only trying to help. But you are certainly old enough to pick out things for your own wedding. Then Go and buy things that *you* like, with *your* money.
Tell them that you care about them, but you don't deserve to be treated like a child.
Don't let your new inlaws walk all over you. You need to exercise the dying art of being polite and caring, yet assertive.
Congratulations, btw.....good luck.
~Donkey Hotei
2007-03-09 04:48:50 · answer #5 · answered by WOMBAT, Manliness Expert 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The stuff isn't you, and they should have asked first. Did you tell them you didn't have that stuff? If not, go pick out a new guestbook and one other item that you feel needs to be completely you, tell her you already had that item and use it during your wedding.
If you want a long-lasting relationship with your FMIL, you will need to give a little. That does NOT mean being a doormat.
2007-03-09 04:43:22 · answer #6 · answered by Ask Aunt Amy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is not her wedding, it is yours and your mans. So have him take care of this problem. He can nicely go to his mother and let her know that you have something different in mind, thanks for the effort, but that you already picked out what you like and this is your day, so your choices will be the ones you use. He should step up, guys don't do anything in the wedding prep, the least he can do is help you with dealing with his mother.
OR
You could go buy what you want and then go to her and thank her for her offer, but you already have these things.
Try not to burn bridges, try to build new ones. Give her something to do for you, that you don't have a preference on. Or ask her to help you with options of something. That way you still make the final decision and she gets to help. She has her own daughter to torcher.
2007-03-09 04:50:48 · answer #7 · answered by casady96 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've never understood the whole process, expense and unnecessary stress of a formal wedding. My husband and I were married by judge and we've been together 17+ years and I don't regret it one bit.
However, since you choose to go the traditional route, you must simply be firm with your wishes. And when it comes to your inlaws, especially your husband's mother, you must not only be firm, but be careful of damaging the relationship. I don't think it's such a big deal which things she picked out, she obviously wants to take part in the celebration so why don't you meet with her and your sister-in-law for lunch and ask them what they'd like to do to help, assign them tasks and responsibilities they'd so obviously enjoy taking on.
It's not that difficult to placate people if you just understand their needs. And lose the idea that your wedding day is all about YOU. It's not. It's a celebration of the joining of TWO people, of TWO FAMILIES. Include them.
Best wishes.
2007-03-09 04:33:27 · answer #8 · answered by §Sally§ 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Absolutely not.
You will run into this alot with people. I cant tell you how many toasting flutes we got as gifts. I used NONE of them. I picked what I wanted.
If you dont like them, say thank you and go right ahead and purchase your own. You are under NO obligation to use anything that someone gives you as a gift.
Dont worry and DONT let anyone spoil this kind of stuff for you, planning should be a fun and exciting time for you, and you are allowed to be picky and have exactly what you want, it doesnt make you a "bridezilla" (I hate that term anyway).
Good luck!
2007-03-09 05:44:21 · answer #9 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your wedding, but this is also your family. Having said that, when I got married, I included my sister-in-law in the wedding party to be nice. She took over everything and drove me crazy! I bit my tongue the entire time! How well do you get along with your sister-in-law? Maybe you could get her to go with you and return and pick out some new items. Tell her you had something else in mind, or they don't go with your theme or colors. Try and be polite, but most important, this is your day, enjoy!
2007-03-09 04:32:35 · answer #10 · answered by doodles 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋