My wife was molested, several times, when she was 6 by her older 1/2 brother. She is now 47. We have been dealing with this for probably over 7 years (since she told me). She has been to couseling and is doing great on a personal level, but her family, (5 sisters and a mother) who all live close by- make my wife feel bad and say she is a "trouble maker" and likes to open old wounds. It gets really sad and ugly at times. I suggest we stay away (even move away) from them but it's like those Chinese finger puzzles - the harder you pull away the tighter it holds you in. Any insights on how to deal with them?
2007-03-09 04:04:07 · 8 answers · asked by The Hero Inside 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thank you all for your understanding. I'm happily surprised that most of you can see the true heart of the matter and the exent that the family is wrapped up in this. My wife happens to be from Peru, so they are somewhat more secretive regarding these things.
2007-03-09 04:33:00 · update #1
i'm with you...move away, and stay away from them...for sure keep your own children away also. your wife can't possibly "open old wounds" that may never fully close. it has to be terribly painful for her to even be in the presence of the very people who should've protected her. her family is in denial...they were probably all molested by the freak and can't deal with their own issues. it's very sad that they would rather protect the violater than the victim. you are a good man to stand up for her, and provide empathy and understanding when she needs it. keep reinforcing the fact that you are her "family" now, and you both get to call the shots as to whom you allow into your family. best of luck.
2007-03-09 04:21:04 · answer #1 · answered by pirate00girl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They are in denial, or worse yet, haven't got the guts to admit he molested them too. Some states (Alabama for sure) say it is too late to report the incident when the girl turns 18 unless her memories were repressed and she didn't "remember" them until after she turned 18. Find out if this is true in the state that the incident(s) occured. If it's not to late, tell her to file charges against the 1/2 brother. The truth will come out and your wife will be exonerated. They might still be in denial but sometimes the "swear to tell the truth and the whole truth" thing gets ppl to admit to things they wouldn't normally admit to.
If he abused your wife, I am sure he has abused others...Do a little investigating.
2007-03-09 12:21:17 · answer #2 · answered by Carol D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've learned that you should only keep positive people around you and stay away from negative people...but, if she is the one who wants to see her family and be around them, then make sure you all meet in a place where you can easily get up and leave when the conversation turns sour...you can't keep her away from her family if she wants to see them...maybe she should only see them in small doses so that all they have to talk about are positive things!! It's too late to turn back time...now you can only go with the flow
2007-03-09 12:16:28 · answer #3 · answered by Cutie Patootie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell your wife to tell them that turning away from her pain is telling her they do not love her in a healthy way. You need to move away. She needs to move away. My insight says to me, how can you deal with total ignorance? My suggestion let it go and take her away from this as soon as possible. She is still with abuse. Abuse from her 1/2 brother and now abuse from them. Somewhere in her life she will have to say enough with this abuse. The wheel stops here. Tell her to get off the wheel and stop the cycle of abuse forever with her and them!
2007-03-09 12:24:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have nothing to with them. They are as bad or worse than the molester. You might wan tto get her some couseling to get her seperated from them. Then you could move away. She need to get away from them.
2007-03-09 12:08:13 · answer #5 · answered by megan261980 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move and stay away from them. How they handle all of this is entirely up to them. How you and your wife handle is it entirely up to you. Never live your lives trying to please anyone else, especially these people.
2007-03-09 13:43:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
im am sorry to hear that your wife went through that. my sugestion is to move as far away as possible!!
2007-03-09 12:21:03 · answer #7 · answered by HOTTIE 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am with you stay far away!!!
2007-03-09 12:08:19 · answer #8 · answered by spikester83 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋