how can i get my mum to understand my life and point of view?

Question

i'm 18, i'm responsible and very mature. i have a place at uni, i am involved in college and community life. my mom doesn't want to get to know my boyfriend we've been together for 6 months and we love each other. i get on with his family very well. she recently said she think i shudn't see or speak to him until after my A level exams this summer. am i wrong to think its unreasonable? she even gives me a curfew still. it was 6pm but i managed to get it to 7/8..i'm 18! my cousins and friends my age don't have curfews! wen i try to explain she just gets defensive. my big sis thinks she's finding it hard to let go. but what can i do about it? i need practical advice. thank you.

Answer 1

It seems like she's afraid to let go and accept that you're growing up and becoming an independent young woman. She also doesnt understand that she could lose you for good if she continues with her insecurities. She needs some reassurance that you are a responsible person and you're not likely to do anything stupid. Curfews are pointless cos if you wanted to do anything it can happen at any time of day. I can only suggest that you have a day out together. Go shopping, to dinner, lunch or something and spend some time together. Then talk to her, let her know she has nothing to worry about and that she should trust you. You love and respect her and understands how she feels, but soon you will be going off to university and be getting on with your life. Ask her how she feels about whats happening with you and why she feels so uncomfortable about you're involvement with this boy? What is she afraid of and reassure her. Her actions will push you away permanently. I should know... I did that with my daughter and although we are more closer and i love her more than cooked food, we did have our moment too, and she left home, got pregnant and made me a granny, (boohoo!!) lol!! Good Luck hun!!

Answer 2

Oh i know exactly how you feel, its just a mum being mum. To them it does n't matter if your 8 or 80 lol you'll always be her little girl and she is just finding it hard to realise that your growing up and soon you'll have a life of your own. You seem like quite a responsible young which is good. I know its hard but try and bear with her.
listen its going to be about 6 months untill you go to your university halls. Revise do well in your a level exams and make sure you meet the requirements for course. Then you'll have all the freedom you want, thats what i did!

Answer 3

your mom is being a little extra strict but it sounds as if she's doing it because she's not sure you can concentrate on your studies and your relationship at the same time. You and your mom need to sit down together and you need to acknowledge her concerns but express your own issues with her strictness. If you approach her in a mature, adult manner and have an adult conversation with her she should be able to at least see your side and give a little. Offer to take her to lunch or go home on a day off and have a good long chat with her (just the two of you, no interruptions!). Good luck and God Bless.
P.S. Sometimes it helps if you write down the issues so you don't forget something you want to say.

Answer 4

Get your sister and any other relatives to talk to your mum, she IS being unreasonable, whatever her motive. Are you the youngest in the family? Your sister may be right. Your mum knows she's going to be loosing you soon to Uni. and probably wants to hold on to you just a little bit longer. She's most likely dreading the 'empty nest syndrome'! Try to compromise, after all, when you are at uni, you'll have all the freedom you want. Good luck.

Answer 5

I know its hard but don't push her if you do she won't want to listen to what you have to say I am sure she knows your respondible but doesn't want dating to get in the way of your education so take her out to lunch and have a serious talk and listen to her reasons and try to understand if she is still ubjective talk to her about changing your cerfuw ask the reason why its so early to eplaining your point of view if it still doesn't work try getting a real cheap but nice apartment and invite your parents over for dinner show them how well you can do in your school work and with you bf maybe he can help with the pay you guys can own the apartment together and show your mom how well it is working out from here I don't think there is anything else you can do!! GOOD LUCK

Answer 6

This sounds difficult for you, I know you said you have tried to explain to her how you feel but perhaps you could be specific by saying exactly how you feel and base the conversation on feelings. Perhaps even including her feelings so she also feels listened too. If anything hits a nerve and you feel angry, try not to get too worked up or shout as this may destroy the communication between you. Still don't bottle it up and say "this makes me feel angry/frustrated etc". Good luck I hope it goes well for you

Answer 7

Sounds like your mum is being overprotective, but for your own sake. She just wants you to do well in your exams. The best thing you can do is sit her down and calmly try and explain your point of view and how you feel. Try not to shout because the minute you raise your voice she will stop listening

Answer 8

In addition to what your sister says, your mother can be afraid for you. The news we read scares the hell out of us. I don't know what kind of a neighborhood you're living in, but your mother is probably trying to protect you. Trying to understand her reasons and finding reasonable explanations may help.

Can she be afraid that by coming late, therefore not working hard enough, you might endanger your future prospects?

Think about your neighborhood, your lifestyle, and try to understand what is scaring your mother. You are the only one that can solve your problem. Mothers are reasonable creatures, but you have to show her that YOU are reasonable, too.

Answer 9

you poor thing, that must be hard for you.tell her u want to talk to her,explain everything and compromise.start with one or two things at first,almost proving yourself to her,explain what is important to you and that she needs to try and understand the person you are and the person your becoming.if she wont listen,write it down.as for your bf,get him to make an effort with her,then she might respect him and learn to like him.be patient tho,cos she wont change over night.Good luck.hope i helped in some way.xxx

Answer 10

What you need to understand is not everyone is perfect and depending on what happened to your mother when she grew up has affected how she treats you. Don't get yourself upset over it just look forward to getting out and being able to move on with your life.

Thats what i did.