Has anyone ever "given up" on their child?

Question

Why? How do you feel about it now and what would you do differently if you could?

I'm not implying that you don't love your child, just that for some reason (drug use, crime, prostitution, etc..) you have had to let them go and move on yourself.

I've been through the mill with my 17-year-old daughter as far as drug abuse, running away, self-harm, and even prostitution to support her habit. My heart is broken and I am plain worn out emotionally with nothing more to give. I've been through the courts, CPS, judges, doctors, lawyers, detention centers, mental health hospitals, drug abuse treatment centers, churches, police, suicide helplines - every single thing that I could think of and if I don't distance myself I don't know what will happen. I have two other daughters to raise - what about us?

I love her with all of my heart, but I can't just sit by and watch her destroy herself. I keep waiting for the call that says she's OD's or has been murdered. I am a good mother and I raised her well and in a stable environment. Her father and I are good people and professionals. I gave my girls all of my time and love and I just can't do this anymore.

Answer 1

There is no way I could ever just give up on my boys..... They are still young, 9 years old, but I don't think that there is anything that they could do that would make me just give up. As a mother, it is my duty to continue to enlighten them and stand behind them........and most importantly......... LOVE THEM........If they ever were involved in drugs, or crime...... I would be extremely disappionted.... and heart broken....but still never give up!

Answer 2

I've not had to do that just yet, but we are running out of options. My son is 22 and bi-polar. He also injured his back two years ago and had to have surgery. He is living on the proceeds from his workman's comp settlement right now, but that will soon run out. In the meantime, he's not even looking for work.

My husband and I love our son very much, but at some point you MUST let them go. They will either find a place in the real world or you, as the parent will have no choice but to either walk away, or put them into some kind of institution where you know they will be safe.

Our grown children make choices every day. They affect US as parents. Do the very best you can and if it's still not enough, what else can you do but give up.

Anyone who says "what kind of parent are you" is ignorant to what those of us with Special Needs children have had to deal with for 18 to 25 years! We need to have a life too. When you've done all you can do for your child and they still need more, you have to say enough is enough.

God Bless You! I know the pain you feel!

Answer 3

Not me--my kids are still toddler and infant.

But I know someone who basically has. She has 2 pre-teen and 1 teen step-daughters who are already 2 grades behind in school and still failing. Just yesterday she told me that she knows they're going to drop out, and that they'll probably get pregnant as teenagers. Its so sad to me that she's given up on them when they're still so young, to me it seems that there's still time to turn things around. But both of the bioparents are drug addicts, no one in the family has any post high school education and they just don't care.

Edit: I just came back and saw your circumstances that you added. I don't think that its necessarily "giving up" on her for you to say that at this point there's nothing you can do. Being an enabler is not a loving thing to do for someone, its generally done for more selfish reasons that it makes the enabler feel good to be needed. You need to go to some al-anon meeting to get healthy for yourself, even if she isn't willing to help herself get better at this point.

Answer 4

I don't think I'd get to the point of "giving up" as much as I'd get to the point where I'd just step back and say "Live your own life, I'll be here if you fall."
You can't allow yourself to be taken advantage of or abused by an out of control adult child.
Any person who says you're bad for "giving up" has either never been in the situation or is in the situation where someone is threatening to give up on them, and can't understand why. Either way, the first response you were given was a very ignorant, not-thought-out response to your question.

Answer 5

If you are a person of faith, you may want to pray for the child and then give up. You have probably prayed for this child already, but I'm not talking about asking God to protect and deliver this child from the bad decisions he/she has made. Praying these kinds of prayers and bailing the child out of the consequences of his/her actions just serves to enable him/her. Praying that God chastizes the child and does whatever necessary to get that child back on the right path is what is needed in a case like this. It's harsh, things get much worse before things get better. However, they DO get better. May God bless and heal you and your family.

Answer 6

No, but I imagine that happens fairly often. For all our rhetoric, we are not really the "family-oriented" society we used to be. Parents who have problems with their children don't have as many places to turn to as they should. People who have no money to seek professional help and no extended family to help out in other ways can easily be overwhelmed by major problems such as a child's drug addiction. I can imagine that in such cases, sometimes people have to just "let things go" as you suggest.

Answer 7

i dont know, because i have not been in that situation, but if i ever am, i really dont know. i might just give up after i tried everything on this planet that i could do to help him.

you cant do anything different, because no matter how much you love your child, help your child, support your child, trust your child, have faith in your child, give your child everything they need, they are going to do what they want, and they are going to live there life the way they want. you can only guide them so far, if they dont listen or want to take your advice, you need to just let them be. they will realize one day or another!

if you are in this situation, i am sorry that you are, and may God help you!

Answer 8

i never gave up on any of my kids. some of them have been through alot, especially the ones that are adopted. they've been through drugs and abuse like you wouldn't imagine. and it's hard at times, but i never give up on them, and i never will.

Answer 9

Yes and No since I was Yakuza property my child was Yakuza property now that I am DCYF property things are good now

Answer 10

IT.S NOT LIKE WE NEVER SEE HIM BUT..WE DO NOT LOAN HIM MONEY AND HE ISN'T ALLOWED TO STAY HERE. HE HAS BEEN HYPERACTIVE SINCE A INFANT. HIS MOM DRANK SO WE SUSPECT FETAL ALCOHOL SYNDROME. IT WAS A NIGHTMARE, I AM HIS STEP MOM AND A SOCIAL WORKER, AND I COULD DO NOTHING FOR HIM. HE LIED, STOLE, ETC.