Catholics and confession - what if I don't go?

Question

I am terrified to go to confession. I have never been to confession. I became a Christian and a Catholic as an adult. I took all the classes and was baptized and took communion on the same evening. Because of the adult baptism, apparently I was absolved of all my prior sins.

Well, I have sinned since then, I live with this daily on my mind. I have deep respect for the priest at my church; I cannot bring myself to tell him the sins that I am most ashamed of. I pray to God and to Jesus to forgive me. At mass every week, I have difficulty not reminding myself of these sins and I feel like a fraud.

If I do not go to confession with a priest, and I doomed to Hell? I honestly am terrified about this. It brings me to tears.

My worst sins were at a time that I was struggling with severe depression. Through my doctor, prescriptions and prayer, I feel that I am well again and wouldn't relapse to committing the same sins. This is not an excuse, rather just additional info.

Answer 1

This is where the "Myth of Catholic Guilt" comes from. It comes from people who know they have unforgiven sins on their souls. The Truth, you needn't carry this guilt with you. All you need to do is receive the Sacrament of Confession and your sins will be forgiven; your guilt with be relieved. Speaking of relief, you will no longer have to contend with any pre-Reconciliation anxiety.

Your priest will not think ill of you. In fact, when a priest can tell a confessor is "having trouble" admitting particular sins - but do it anyway, your priest will be delighted that you have so much faith in God's infinite capacity to forgive.

In addition, don't forget that priests go to Confession too. They know what it's like to be in your shoes too.

Don't feel like a fraud because you've sinned. If everyone didn't sin, we wouldn't even need the Sacrament of Reconciliation. What's more, it often takes time, even weeks, to properly examine one's conscience.

As far as being dooned to hell - Whoa, not so fast. If you know and believe that you must receive the Sacrament of Confession during Lent and then blow it off, this may constitute a mortal sin. Mortal sins, of course, deprive one of Sanctifying Grace, and you cannot get into Heaven if not in a state of grace.

Your priest: If you are worried that your priest will not think the same of you if you confess to him, you can always receive Reconciliation with a different priest by going to a different Church. There's nothing that says you have to receive Confession at the same parish you attend mass at.

If you were clinically depressed at one time, this lessens the culpability and severity of your sins on account of the probability that, had you been in a more stable state of mind, chances are you would not have committed those sins.

Go to Confession. I believe you will discover you aren't nearly the sinner you think you are.

Answer 2

First, God bless you and His peace be with you.

I am a Catholic convert, so I kinda know where you're coming from. Do not be afraid of confession. There are gifts and graces there that you can't get anywhere else.

If you're afraid that the priest will think badly of you or that possibly other people will find out, don't be. Most confessionals are private - the priest won't even know it's you. Secondly, the priest is bound by a seal of silence never to reveal what is told to him in confession, not even in a court of law. So you can rest assured that your confession is between you and God.

Confession heals us. I, too, have sins that I'm ashamed of, sins that I still commit two years after I was confirmed as an adult. I'm slowly learning, though, that it takes time and prayer and dedication to get over those things that have haunted us our entire lives. God knows this, and He knows you're sincerely trying. God bless you.

Stay strong in prayer and faith. Participate in the sacraments always, especially confession and the Holy Eucharist. There is nothing better we can do for ourselves than to constantly emerse ourselves in the grace and power of these gifts that flow from Christ's Holy Church.

Stay the course. You'll be fine. Talk to your priest if needed. He may be able to point you to others that can be of more assistance also. This is what we're here for: to help each other.

God bless and take care.

Answer 3

Never doubt Gods mercy and run away from His Love, That is an insult to God. Know that Jesus is waiting for you in the confessional. He wants you to reconcile yourself to Him and is a great gift from Him to us. Speak from your heart for Jesus knows want is in it. You will feel like you've had an oil change just go and receive a new infusion of His love and Grace.


I understand It can be scary and the priest certainly understands this but where sin abounds grace abounds all the more.

Also if you have received the Holy Eucharist while in mortal sin
it is considered sacrilege and also a serious sin

Go and I assure you you will feel like a million bucks.

The confession of sins

1455 The confession (or disclosure) of sins, even from a simply human point of view, frees us and facilitates our reconciliation with others. Through such an admission man looks squarely at the sins he is guilty of, takes responsibility for them, and thereby opens himself again to God and to the communion of the Church in order to make a new future possible.

1456 Confession to a priest is an essential part of the sacrament of Penance: "All mortal sins of which penitents after a diligent self-examination are conscious must be recounted by them in confession, even if they are most secret and have been committed against the last two precepts of the Decalogue; for these sins sometimes wound the soul more grievously and are more dangerous than those which are committed openly."54


When Christ's faithful strive to confess all the sins that they can remember, they undoubtedly place all of them before the divine mercy for pardon. But those who fail to do so and knowingly withhold some, place nothing before the divine goodness for remission through the mediation of the priest, "for if the sick person is too ashamed to show his wound to the doctor, the medicine cannot heal what it does not know."55
http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/p2s2c2a4.htm

Answer 4

I agree with Yogini that maybe it would help you to confess to a priest you don't know. I don't practice anymore, but according to what I was taught, if you don't go to confession you will have venial and mortal sins on you soul, that you should confess your sins before taking the sacrament of communion, that if you die with venial sin on your soul you will go to purgatory, and if you die with mortal sin on your soul, you will go to hell. That is the teaching of the church you have decided to join. I understand what you are saying, that you respect your priest, and you are concerned he will think ill of you. Understand that your priest has probably heard it all, and then some, everyone you sit next to at church is a sinner at one time or another. Technically, the priest isn't actually supposed to "know" who is making the confession, that is why there is a little screen between you in the confessional. He is your confessor, and a stand in for the presence of the Christ, and what you are confessing to him, you are really confessing to the Christ. He does know it is you talking to him, but it is his job "not" to, only to be your confessor, and to advise you on suitable pennance. Try not to be too hard on your self about things that happened when you were ill, and if you have never been to confession at all, well, getting past that first one is the hard part. I'm sure you can work through this, you took the first step, and asked for some support and encouragement. You may also want to discuss this with the doctor who is treating you for depression, and ask the doctor about conditions known as generalized anxiety disorder, and panic attacks, and ask for advice if you may need additional treatment for one of those conditions, they often occur alongside depression, or overlap...Good luck, and may you find what you are looking for...

Answer 5

You are not doomed to hell for not going to Reconciliation.

Many people who do not want to confess to a priest friend will to go Reconciliation at another parish.

Do not be afraid of Reconciliation. It is difficult to admit your sins but the priest has probably heard things a lot worse than anything you can tell him.

This is one way how to go to Confession

+ Get yourself ready by making your examination of conscience.

You enter the confessional. You can choose to talk to the priest face to face or anonymously behind a screen.

+ After the priest greets you with the Sign of the Cross make the Sign of the Cross and say: “Bless me Father for I have sinned. It has been (say how long) since my last confession. These are my sins…”

+ Tell your sins simply and honestly to the priest. Don’t be embarrassed.

+ When you are done listing your sins please say: “…I am sorry for these sins and all the sins I can’t remember.”

+ Listen to the advice the priest gives you and accept the penance from him. Then make an Act of Contrition for your sins:

My God,
I am sorry for my sins with all my heart.
In choosing to do wrong
And failing to do good,
I have sinned against you
whom I should love above all things.
I firmly intend, with your help,
to do penance,
to sin no more,
and to avoid whatever leads me to sin.
Amen.

+ The priest will then conclude with the words: “Your sins are truly forgiven, Go in Peace”. You respond: “Thanks be to God.”

+ Perform your penance as soon as possible.

With love in Christ.

Answer 6

I thought I was the only one with this problem! Listen, finding your question is a lifeline from God! I have been terrified of confession all my life. Not just confession, but communion, priests, holy water, the altar, the entire holy atmosphere of church. I used to be terrified of God, too. When I was 27 years old, God took pity on my fear, and "visited" outside of church. I think a Protestant would call it a "born-again"experience. Since then, my whole life has been different in so many ways. God has been my Captain, my Teacher, my Beloved. But the fear of church stuff has still afflicted me. I still sit in the farthest back pew, and I still avoid communion and confession. This past year or so, God has begun moving in on me, closer than he has ever been. He says, after 20 years, it's time for me to make the next step. At Christmas midnight mass, I began crying, because God let me know that by Easter, we would have managed this "consummation"-- confession and communion. I trust him but I am afraid. Every time I have attempted confession in the past, I have had panic attacks and run away. Somehow, by Easter, this will happen. God will help me. But what kind of help? How? Who? Easter is coming closer, and there has been no help in sight, and I have been afraid. Now, reading your question, I feel as if you are the help for me, and I am the help for you. We don't know each other, but that doesn't matter. Please, will you pray for me, that I may do this thing that terrifies me? And I will pray for you, that God may help you, too, as he has helped me, and lead you where he has led me. Prayer will get us there. Maybe, for you, the deadline isn't as soon as it is for me. But somehow, some day, some way, God will get us both past this stumbling block.

Answer 7

My recommendation is to make an appointment and talk to this priest you have great respect for and tell him what you just told us. I assure you he will be helpful and understanding.

For many years I did not go to church and did not go to confession. I still do not go to confession regularly, just around Christmas and Easter. Some people feel great comfort and relief after confession. I must admit that I do feel like I have a load off my mind after confession. Believe it or not every once in a while a Priest can give good advice.

Good luck.

Answer 8

We all beat ourselves up before Confession. It actually is a way for Satan to KEEP you from doing what you know you must. Do not be afraid, sweetheart! Go into the confessional, confess your sins, and Christ through the priest will forgive you! When you exit you will feel so much better.

DO NOT continue to receive the Eucharist while you know that you are in mortal sin, your exacerbating the problem! Please try to remember to confess that you have received our Lord unworthily.

Now, if you must, because your so concerned, write down your sins on a slip of paper, stick in your pocket and before you kneel down in the confessional take it out and explain to the priest that your nervous and he will assist you; guide you through it. If you for some reason FORGET anything that you MEANT to confess, do not worry, God is His great mercy and Love has forgiven you because of your INTENT. When you go next time, if you remember; go ahead and confess a forgotten sin.

1. Examine your conscience (ask the Holy Ghost to help you).
2. Enter the confessional
3. Sign yourself with the sign of the Cross (the priest is blessing you at this point), and say, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been ..so long.. since my last confession."

Please review the links below to help you out.

Answer 9

Pray for strength so you can go to your priest and receive absolution for your sins. How did you receive your baptism and confirmation without going to confession/reconcilation first? Iam in RCIA classes and have been told numerous times before my baptism (Easter 2008) that one must go to confession.I know here in my area at the end of the month we are having Penance services where they have multiple priests and you can go then to confess. Maybe this might help you, maybe confessing to a priest you dont know. I will pray for you for strength and guidance. God Bless

Answer 10

I don't practice anymore but I've been in similar situations in the past. You could go to another church during their confession times and go behind the screen rather than face to face. That might help with your anxiety about your pastor and also about your alleged sins. Best to you.