My father is still very controlling , and I'm age 25?

Question

I live away from him, haven't lived with him since I was 18. I don't owe him anything, and he doesn't help me out. So don't understand why he still wants to control everything I do.
If I don't agree with him, he raises his voice and threating to hit me. I am still very afraid of my fathers temper. I love my father, I don't want to cut him out of my life. But this is getting ridiculous, I am 25, and I have my own life. I tried to mention anger management classes. He yells that there is nothing wrong with him. Please! advice please...

Answer 1

With out knowing your Dad it's hard to say if this is his personality or he is just worried about you, and this is the only way he knows to show it. Either way try writing him a letter expressing how you feel. Make sure you tell him you love him, and he's still your hero, and know matter what you'll all ways be his little girl. Remind him your 25 years old and take care of yourself. This way he wont take things the wrong way. A letter will let him here what you have to say without interruption, and you forgetting anything to say. Best wishes

Answer 2

Oh wow! Been there with my husband's father. Do you still ask him for help once in a while, that's the question??? If so, well before you say anything to him, you need to stop asking for his help and show him that you are an adult otherwise he still feels in control.

If not, well you 2 need to talk, he probably doesn't realize how old you are. Bring your dad for a beer somewhere, the strippers if he's okay with it, sports game, just you and him. You need to bond with him especially if you're a son... You probably need to ask him where he stood when he was 25. So he can realize how old you are.
Hopefully you are responsible enough for him not to say: exactly look at you, that's why I can't treat you like an adult!
You shoudn't have to be scared of him, just tell him that if he doesn't respect you as an adult that you will have to cut contact with him. If you yell, cry, argue with him all the time, he doesn't see you as a grown up. Parents sometimes need to be thought by us. If he raises your voice, be better than him, don't raise yours, show him that you want to talk to him.

My father in law realized that my husband wasn't a kid anymore exactly when he was 25, when he showed him how to do his own job and also proved him wrong on something.....
Just to show him that it doesn't matter how old daddy was, tbut that he wasn't only 12 anymore. That he knew as much as his father did now. He was good on his own!

Also, if you are 25 and you are out partying all the time, cannot pay your bills on time, if you have a job at McDonalds, or even a really good paying job but still drives your old peace of **** car... maybe you do need to grow up and he won't leave you alone until you can prove to him that you will never or may never need his help. His mind will never rest if he cannot picture you, able to take care of yourslef. After all he is your dad and his job is to make sure that when you are on your own, that you can survive on your own.

Communication is the key to a better relationship.

Good luck

Answer 3

Was the moving out when you were 18 thing his idea, or yours?

My dad and I had a tight relationship, until I moved out, then we were still close, but he let me off the leash so to speak, he knew I was making dumb mistakes, but they were mine to make and grow from. I joined the military right after highschool, more because I wasn't going to live under his roof at 18, because I was going to start paying rent etc.

I think, not knowing anything about the dad's side of the story, two things.

1. If he forced you out at 18, then he has no say in what you do anymore, period. He can interject where he thinks you really need his advice, he is still your dad, but you are an adult now too, and you are responsible for you, he isn't anymore. That works both ways though, if you need him and reach out to him, expect his input.

2. If you chose to leave at 18, just because it felt right, then he is probably having serious separation issues, and the best way he can think to control you, from afar, is with fear of violence.

Either way though, he needs to realize you are still young and still allowed to make your own decisions and mistakes even.

Maybe he doesn't need anger management classes, but he does need to work on what he is really trying to tell you, because he loves you, he just doesn't know how to get through to you any other way.

Again though, I don't know enough about this to really determine what his real issues are.

Answer 4

I have a grandmother who is like that. I would suggest visiting him less often and avoiding topics that you disagree upon. You're an adult and you live on your own so you don't have to tell him every little thing that's going on in your life. If there is something going on that you feel is truly none of his business then don't tell him.

For example, my husband and I filed bankruptcy several years ago. My grandmother didn't find out until 2 years after the fact. She tried to read me the riot act about it but I just scooped up my daughter and walked out.

Since then she's figured out that I have a chioce. I can either participate in a relationship with her where she respects my adulthood or I can choose to leave and not visit.

You have that same choice with your father. You don't have to tell him that directly and you don't have to cut him out completely I would just reduce his access.

Answer 5

Try taking him out to a public place first, and then talk about it. If he's sitting at a table in a restaurant, he won't be as likely to raise his voice or threaten to hit you. Tell him how you feel, and that his actions make it hard for you to be around him. Tell him that if he keeps doing this, you don't want to be around him much any more. Keep it short, keep it friendly, and pay the bill. Then if he continues to do this, you have to decide if you'll put up with it, or carry through on your promise to not be around him.

Answer 6

Then you are going to have to ignore him. Dont speak to him everyday or answer his calls. Dont ask for his advise or tell him information. Its sad and hard, but you are going to have to shut him down to shut him up! You just cant blab to him about things he has to stay out of your buisness. Im sorry but he is not undertstanding how to be a father to an adult but that is up to you to start acting like one. You are going to have to stand up for yourself. Just tell him, Dad I love you and I want you in my life and I choose to tell you and give you information because I love you, but if you dont behave yourself you will loose that privlage of me wanting you to be part of my life and my decsions because I need you but I need you in a different way now . Tell him you love him but you have had enough and how he makes you feel and you he better get some help or be left out of some pretty important information all because because he simply proves cant handle it. Tell him you are sorry, but you have to take charge and be at peace with it. Stand firm and out of his way. My mother was a control freak and she was mean and bitter. I knew she loved me she just was a trip! I just started ending the call when she would go crazy I would say okay talk to you later and hang up! She got the picture after she realized I would not call or come around as much. I would reamain respectful for fear she would get violent when I was younger, but I would not take her crap I would leave, cut her short, never give her any information which I hated and still do because she was not able to help me through some critical times! Let him know what he is doing and then shut his mean behind down! You can do this and still have him in your life but only by your terms. He will get the picture and if not well then he is making that choice, as Cedrick the Entertainer says, He is a grown azz Man!

Answer 7

Try to talk to him when hes not in a mood. Yell back at him.l If he threatens to hit you, hit him back. Show that your not afraid of him. It's self-defense on your part. Or call the police and talk to them about it. They may have to take him away, but it's for your own good if you cant even live you life at age 25. Your an adult, and its time to show him that you are.

Answer 8

First, your interest at raising the little ones ended whilst they hit 15 or so, whilst they have been given too previous to coach and effect, and you have been in simple terms giving rules and bounds. would not remember in case you have been complete or no longer, time's up. they are not listening to you presently considering the fact it is no longer your interest. particular, it is heartbreaking whilst they do stupid issues and don't pay attention, exceedingly in case you have been there, and you be attentive to they're in basic terms going to be depressing with their possibilities. yet, there comes a element the place they're going to be grown-up and making their very own possibilities, whether you have been waiting or no longer. so some distance as who's in charge for this mess, it particularly is comparable to for little ones who finally end up precisely as their mothers and dads wish -- the two mothers and dads created it. That stated, in the journey that your spouse is all that disillusioned relating to the present day situation along with your son having a severe situation, possibilities are high she feels to blame. Or she blames you. Or she replaced into terrified of doing a bad interest and now your son has shown that her worry replaced into authentic. Or none of it is authentic, yet she in simple terms feels love it is. Or she's in simple terms undeniable heartbroken. mothers are an entire diverse creature, my stable guy, and that they are able to be very unusual certainly whilst their little ones do no longer seem to have became out too nicely. i be attentive to, because of the fact i'm a mom. stumble on a marriage counselor. some conferences with a counselor probable will do particularly some stable on your verbal replace with one yet another, exceedingly to be certain the guilt and blame that seems to be like occurring. that isn't stable on your relationship along with your spouse. and that's particular no longer likely to help your little ones. you won't be able to be there on your little ones, and do the the main suitable option element, while you're busy having your guy or woman problems on your marriage.

Answer 9

Well i believe your father has something diease inside of him that he didnt know, he seem can't stop to control you. Why don't you talk to your mother if she still there and have her talk to him. Why don't you write a long letter with each specific why you don't need him control you. Its always best for you to learn lesson from yourself. If you didn't learn anything, you won't know what to do in the future and you might mess up something badly. Have him understand that you need to learn and you will pleasure if your father will be there for you for no matter what and love you too.

Answer 10

yeah thats kinda how i feel. I just t urned 18 and my mom is still telling me where i can and cant go and what i can and can't do. I have an older sister who is 21 and shes moved out a long time ago and my mom calls her 15 times a day asking her where shes at and what she's doing. i mean ok you rasied me, CONGRADULTATIONS! You did a fine job, now give me some space and stop running my life.