help me !! i'm in great dilemma.?

Question

i'm 22 year old. actually my marriage has been fixed. the problem is that i had an abortion before one year because of my mistake. although it happened due to his(the guy) pressure but it was my responsibility to check him. after this incidence i decided to never get married, because it would be to decieve that person. even i told and isisted my parant very much for not forcing me to get married , i'm not willing at all but it couldn't possible.
now i'm in contact with my would be and told him everything about my past . but i can't dare to tell him about this misshappening.
i always feel guilty , a sense of doing smthing wrong with an innocent person. althoug i know that i'm honest for Him(my would be) and will always. it's me determination.
it's my humble request to you plz plz suggest me what should i do?how i come out from this dilemma? how i pardon myself ??

Answer 1

In a relationship, honesty is the best policy. While some believe that you shouldn't blab everything on the first date, personally I find it best to let any potential suitor know the good, the bad and the ugly in my life, and if they bail, then they're not the person for you.

It is risky, but in the end it pays off by finding a person who loves you unconditionally, and will never hold your less than socially acceptable past against you, or bring it up during an argument.

Besides, you shouldn't marry anyone simply because the marriage is arranged. This is the 21st Century!! People should marry primarily for love.

Answer 2

We all make mistakes we aren't proud off and wish to god we never did. It's hard to move on and forgive yourself but you have to. If you don't you will only continue to suffer. You are not a bad person just a person who mad a mistake in the past. I know your pain, I have been there. But I have also learnd that God has forgiven me the same as he has forgiven you.If you feel that you shouldn't marry because you would be dishonest to him by keeping this to yourself (if that's what you choose to do) that's not true, and if you do decide to tell him and he doesn't understand then maybe that's a good thing because I think if you truly love someone all is forgiven. If you think that you don't have the right to have children that's also not true, everyone deserves a second chance and if you have truly forgiven your self it will make you a stronger more loving caring parent.I hope this helps.Wishing the best to you and for you.

Answer 3

This is pretty hard to understand...not sure if you are having an "arranged marriage"?....are you marrying someone you don't want to marry?...but I do understand that you are concerned mostly because of the mistake in your past...and the abortion you had.

I am a Christian so I believe that God forgives all sin when you ask Him to...then He promises to forget them. You have made a big mistake that's true....but you cannot change it now.

You said you told your fiance about your past, but evidently not about the abortion. I can't really advise you whether you need to tell him about that....you can't change it....but you sound like you are going to have a hard time carrying this secret around all the time after you are married.

Since he has listened to everything else, maybe you should just tell him you have to tell him the whole truth....that you don't feel it's fair to hide this from him. Then, if he still wants to marry you, you will know you have found a person who really wants to marry you...and you will be more able to forget the past mistakes. That is my advice...because I think you are going to feel more guilty, by carrying around this secret from him.

And as a Christian, I would say....God sent His Son to die for your sin, that He already knew about. Ask Jesus for His forgiveness and then it will be truly "gone"....that's why He died for you!

Answer 4

you seem to be a sensitive girl..thank god that your would be is an understanding person...just respect nd love him and never ever think about your past again..
You are repenting for your deeds that happened in the past..that shows your self consciousness..
You need not confront this thing to anybody and ask for a pardon..its more than enough that you have realized the mistake and stopped doing that..
Go ahead and have a wonderful married life buddy. Stop feeling guilty and don't miss this wonderful guy in your life

Good Luck

Answer 5

Hi Priyanka, I feel your pain. From my experience, i say please marry the one you love may it be ur would be or the other guy regardless of the mishappening.
If you love your would be, then forget about the mishappening and start a new life and never recall about that incident if you are sure that the other guy wont disclose it. In what ever case please let your parents know about the incident eventhough you feel shy to disclose and then let them decide. If you are afraid if the guy discloses it when you dont want to, then let your parents think in that way too.
If you love the guy and not would be, then let your parents know about the incident and even if they agree or not, explain them that, what if you still love the guy after marriage with your would be and explain them the pain you feel when you have to live with your would be eventhough you dont love him. Let them think what if you break the marriage and go back to your lover. If they still think you have to marry the would be, then disclose this information with your would be .

Answer 6

Depends on the person you are marrying. If he is a greatman, you can tell him. But you shuld know that in the event of life going smoothly, there will not be a problem. Suppose if your would-be husband likes somebody after marriage, he cite your example. In case of disturbances in life, it is natural to blame on your weakness. If you can bear that that time yu may tell him now. Otherwise simply keep quiet. You may also have to think of the chances of his knowing the thing afterwards. If many people knows about the past, it is good that you tell him now. If the possibility of less, then you may keep quiet. After long years of marriage, if it comes to his knowledge, I think there wont be any effect.

Answer 7

Half the answers are against and half for. Come on guys this is not helping the girl.

My 2 cents worth. I think you should decide yourself what you want to do. Pre Marital and Post marital sex /affairs are now common in India as well.

Are you sure that the person you are marrying is a virgin himself? Fortunately men don't have to go through abortion unlike women.

I personally don't think that the past matters to me as a person as long as the past is a open book. Some of the reply suggest that if you tell him now then later on they can come back and haunt you. Probably true to a certain extent. People have to remember that if you provoke such a instance that would make them haunt you with your past that is your mistake.

For example if you tell this would be of yours about your past and he forgives and forgets make sure that you don't do anything stupid for the rest of your life to make him think of your past.

People always refer to the past when they make allegations against you because that is the ammunition they have to go for an argument. Don't give that ammo.

If you think that you will feel guilt for the rest of your life by not telling then say it and say it with confidence. At least you will not have to go through guilt trips for the rest of your life.

My take is say it. What he decides is your fate. If he is the one for you then all fine and dandy if not I am sure there is someone else there waiting for you.

Good Luck.

Answer 8

The exponential fee of technological progression, coupled with the organic indolence and over, self-indulgent nature of the human specie. Any actual, non secular dedication demands self-discipline, self-constraint and self-denial(no longer giving in to one's "desires"). The antithesis of the above 3 values, are those of present day-day worldwide way of existence; little probability of them re-rising as dominant forces. Fewer and much less are those getting into the seminaries; monasteries and convents are very almost problems with the previous. each and all the above aside, you have a diverse element: it particularly is the "exclusivity" claims of maximum religions, that shop them from reconciling with the others. whether it particularly is been this form in the time of historic previous. Why could this be a particular project throughout the present era? base line: there has never been, nor will there ever be, a reconciliation between the main significant religions. lodging? maybe. Reconciliation? never. Alberich

Answer 9

Hello, my sister, good thing you have not come out with the past events. In society, now-a-days, common thing has happended in your life too. However, you are lucky to be get into marriage and be a house wife. Forget the past and be happy and enjoy the life with your life partner. Naturally, you conceive and you become a mother of a child. That make you forget the past and live in present. Once you come out with unwanted this type of cuasing and making you worried, better know that you are not in dilemma of telling truth. It is for your happpiness of life throughout with husband, like Kunti, you ignored and kept silent. That is all.

Answer 10

An abortion is something you have to live with on your conscience and soul for the rest of your life. I do not think that it is necessary for you to allow him to judge your actions but in sharing this with him it may free your conscience a little. You are marrying this man so I assume you know him at least a little, do you know of his views on abortion? If you don't maybe it is something that you can bring up in a hypothetical conversation and see how he reacts then base you decision on that. It doesn't make you any less of a person to have had an abortion we all make decisions good or bad in our lives and we have to live with the consequences. If we were all perfect we wouldn't have needed Jesus to die for our sins so that we may be forgiven