Have you ever felt violated twice.?

Question

My 8 year old daughter was molested by a 10 year old girl at a slumber party. I found out 3 days later and reported it. The Det told me that since it was a she said/she said issue they would not persue court action against her.

As her father I feel the child has been abused twice. What if any recourse do I have (legally).

I am getting her counseling and do all the good things that should be done for her.

Answer 1

I am so sorry...I sympathize completely. Unfortunately a similar situation happened to my daughter so I speak from experience.
Please continue with the counseling..it helped us tremendously. Also seek counseling for yourself (do not say you do not need it..YOU DO). Also contact the local abuse help center or hot-line...we did and I cannot give enough praise to the wonderful people there who helped us through the ordeal. I don't think I couldn't have gotten through it without their help.
Legally I'm not really sure what can or cannot be done. My advice is to speak to an attorney....if you cannot press charges criminally then maybe you can try a negligence lawsuit against the person who had the slumber party. (Inadequate Supervision or something like that).
Good luck to you and God Bless both you and your daughter..my thoughts and prayers are with you both.

Answer 2

Unfortunately with there ages it is difficult to prosecute. However, the one persons suggestion for getting her counseling and having the counseler make a report will get the best results. Also, almost every child who violates another, learned it from somewhere. The abuser may not truely understand what she did. The ten year old is probably a victim of abuse as well. She learned this bad behavior from somewhere and it may be at home or another family member. I would share you concern with her school counselor. There may be more going on with her life than you are aware of. Plus, if the counselor knows information she is a mandatory reporter. While court action may seem the best idea, and as a parent I understand you want to see justice. What both children need is counseling and good adult support. The only way to stop the vicious cycle is through good counseling for all persons involved. There is a good chance that if the acused does not get some help she will do this again, whether or not charges have been filed.

Answer 3

Legally there isn't much you can do without witnesses coming forward. Also the abusing child is also so young that in some jurisdictions bringing a felony conviction is nigh impossible. But reporting it like you did was so important. Now someone in the legal system knows about this person's nefarious activities. That youngster will be watched and dealt with.

The last statement of yours is the right one and . Get her counseling. Be good to her. Young children are far more adaptable than you give credit.

If this happened in her teen years when the sexual relationships begin forming then I would worry. Those are the impressionable years when it comes to the evolution of sexual relationships.

Abused kids face a two prong sword. Often those abused kids also have uncaring parents. It is a hand in the hand problem. You however are doing everything right. The best remedy to any child is love.

Answer 4

My niece (3) was molested by a cousin (6). Her mom did everything right too. She reported it and my niece is getting counseling. The police wont do anything. They will also say she is too young. So... I suggest involving your local child protective agency. They were able to get the other child into counseling and are in the process of finding out how she learned those things. They may not pursue it in court but the other little girl needs counseling too. I am sooo happy to see you took it seriously and that you are getting her help. That is being a good dad!

To the person that said to play it down... This is something that will haunt her for the rest of her life. You get the counseling and other things your child needs so they can function properly as they get older. I was molested as a kid and trust me when I say... playing it down is why sooo many kids don't tell.

Answer 5

The fact is very delicated involving two children even.
We don't know exactly how the fact is or what you wanted refer with the word "molested". The Det talk is right and has to be considered since at 10 y/o any person is too young and we can't do particular and heavier considerations about!
Maybe the accident has been a play simply.
Considering you are a dad while the guilty is a child, the final question now is - what would you expect from the law then?!

Answer 6

I am glad that you are giving her counseling. Your a good Dad. I can not think of any thing else that you can do. I hope the parents of the 10 year old gets counseling for her. At that age I would think she is just trying to repeat something that happened to her. Give your daughter room to talk about it but don't concentrate on this with her. The more she hears you talk about it, the worse she feels. Let her know she did nothing wrong and make sure she believes it!

Answer 7

Great! Finally I see a question from a parent who has their mind right:)

Stay proactive. I had a client who was attacked by another, but since both had MR the police didn't feel like doing anything. We went to the courthouse and filed charges anyway. You can do the same.

Also know that children who were victimized are more likely to be victimized again. Not just metaphorically. So be aware of future slumber parties, babysitters, etc.

It's a good thing that you didn't react negatively to your daughter. Always let her know that she can tell you anything. It might also be helpful to enhance her knowledge about sexual abuse. Your counselor should be able to help in this arena.

Answer 8

The best solution is to get her into conseling with a child therapist. They have ways of drawing out the entire episode, at which time, they are required by LAW to notify the authorities that a crime against a child has been committed. Then..you have expert testimony to use against the other girl and her family. You can then retain the services of an attorney and sue them for damages, including the cost of her extensive therapy. Good luck.

Answer 9

Dude they're 8 and 10, do they even really get what's going on? I think you're making a big deal out of this and your child is likely going to have more problems with your reaction than with her own turmoil. You're encouraging her to stay a victim so you can stay angry and that's not right of a parent. You have to be there for her, let her talk it out to you. Why is she at a therapist when you could do this work better as her father?

As for recourse, chances are this 10 year old doesn't have much of a clue, she's not 19 or 40 after all. Cut her some slack. Just tell your little girl to not be in that situation again, and if she ever is to tell an adult if she feels uncomfortable.

This should be an opportunity to talk to your daughter, so talk to her. But don't force on her that she should feel a certain way, because then she will feel that way but not because she does, but because she's told.

Best of luck for you and yours.

Answer 10

You should consider letting this matter go. Just keep your daughter away from the other girl. The more emphasis you put into it, the bigger it will become, thus resulting in long-term trauma. Besides, a 10-year-old girl "molesting" another girl? That can be easily interpreted as innocent child's play. So play it down, not up.