Ok, my mother is driving me insane. I am paying for my entire wedding, she hasn't given me a dime or even offered to physically help. When I ask her to buy a nice dress it's a problem. She doesn't want to spend a lot of money on a dress that she can only wear once! She is fighting with me that she wants a black dress because she thinks she can wear it again. I am ready to kill her, I told her any color but black!! She more concerned with the fact it should be versatile then the fact that it's my wedding. I have only ask her to do this one small thing for me!! We are going to David's bridal tomorrow and I know it's going to be a fight. One of my bridesmaids said I should just give up and let her wear a black dress to keep her quite. I also think because my mother has been constantly negatively commenting my wedding and plans it making me even more pissed that she won't listen to me. For example, I registered for Mikasa china because it's nice but it's not as $$$ and it goes on sale, plus macy's allows you to use a coupon on it. So it's a nice set but at the same time, it won't cost my guest a fortune plus I can afford to buy the missing pieces after the wedding. My mother looks at a piece of it that I just got (for my birthday) and comments on how it's cheap and that Wedgwood is soo much better!!?? She fighting about buying a $200 dress but she is commenting on Wedgwood???!!! AS if she would buy or own a piece of Wedgwood!!?? And she doesn't like that I registered at Macy's because she doesn't like going in there.... she much rather I registered at Wal-Mart but she commenting on Wedgwood!!??
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Ok, with all that said- Do I try to make her look presentable or let her wear a black dress??
PS- I am paying for everything else for her like to have her hair and professional makeup done for the wedding. She seriously only has to buy a dress and a pair of shoes!!
2007-03-09 01:23:19 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
wow, she is being very unreasonable. I read everyone's answers and I just feel like people are missing the point. Your mom seems to be being VERY unsupportive. It would be a little different if she were paying for everything but why does she care so much what she wears?? I've never seen a mother of the bride wearing BLACK... and what about your pictures? I'm sure you want there to be photos of your mother at your wedding... but she won't match anything. And since when is black the only versatile colour? I would outright tell her that she is NOT wearing black. show her some dresses that yu like MAKE her try them on, she might like them once she sees herself in them. People tend to think that black is the most flattering colour, maybe she's self conscious and thinks wearing black will help her? I'm truly appauled that a mom would act this way though! My mom is letting me pick out her dress completely because she trusts my opinion and knows that this is my special day. I would absolutely not let her wear black.
2007-03-09 04:32:10 · answer #1 · answered by kerri c 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have a bit of a problem dear, but I would try to keep from creating a fued with your Mother about wedding plans. What I would tell her is that you do not like black in your bridal party and as your Mother she is part of the bridal party and could she try to find another color to wear. That is all you are asking. When you are at David's Bridal, ask her nicely if she would try on other deep colors. Yes, she is being a little difficult, but what can you do. Sometimes mothers are so overwhelmed that their baby is getting married that they go off the wall. Ask her if she would consider maybe navy or wine or champagne color. Her criticism of what you got for your birthday stating that Wedgewood is better wasn't very nice and she spoke out of turn, but what can you do? Try to tell her that it is what you selected and she should just let it go and let you pick what you like and stop meddling. If she really gives you a hard time at David's Bridal, tell her you will pay for her dress, but she must wear anything but black, and all she needs to do is buy a dress handbag and a pair of shoes to match. See where that suggestion goes. I think that is your only way out on this one, because I think she will give you a very hard time and try to get her way. Best of Luck and probably after the wedding...things will settle down and you can regain some of the warmth toward your Mother that you had before. Best of Luck to you
2007-03-09 02:11:01 · answer #2 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well, my mom is wearing black, I had said no black like you, but when we found this dress she got and she tried it on it was TOOO PERFECT, simply georgeous and its so her style, so be open minded, but I truly think she needs to open her mind up as well, my mom was cooperating with the no black rule and wouldn't have gotten that dress if I didn't approve...maybe you could find a black and other colored dress to compromise?
Your mom really does need to get past the thing in her head that black is the only color you can wear again, so untrue, lots of colors are very functional and she should be reminded of that! Good luck with it, I hope you guys don't kill each other, sounds like you have a momzilla on your hands! (Mine has defiently had her moments, so I totally understand!)
As far as her opinion on your china, screw her, you made a wise choise, my pattern is the Mikasa Itallian Countryside...right now is is $25 for the place setting!, I have gotten ALL the china I registered for and we still havent even gotten to the weddin yet! (15 days to go, wish me luck!) You will get a lot more of it if its reasonably priced, people like to get alot for their money, I know I have difficulty payin $40 for 1 plate! you will certainly come out better the way you have done it. Register at Wal-Mart too, it can't hurt, its a good idea to cover several demographics-nothing wrong with registerin at several places, I'm at 3 including wal-mart and have gotten lots from all the places that we can use.
Good luck tomorrow, I hope things work out without 2 much blood-shed! lol!
2007-03-09 03:01:27 · answer #3 · answered by ASH 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've told her what you prefer her to wear. There is NO POINT letting this get you all worked up. She is going to do what she wants. And honestly no one else will notice. The unfortunate thing is that you will remember this because of all the thought and energy you have put into it. I would ask her at David's to at least try on some other dresses just to see and if you like one I would suggest commenting about, wouldn't that be a great dress to wear to a Christmast party or something. Just put the idea in her head that she can wear that dress some other time as well. But please don't let this ruin your day!!!! Good luck!
2007-03-09 04:20:21 · answer #4 · answered by Ambre B 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Call ahead to the bridal shop and make sure that they understand that she will not be wearing black on that day. If it were me, I wouldn't give in. It seems very disrespectful of her to make such an issue over a dress. It doesn't matter if she never wears it again! My mom asked me what colors she could wear at my wedding and I told her any pastel. I think she's just happy it doesn't have to be pink like my bridal party (she thinks pink doesn't look good on her). Don't argue in the shop, but don't give in if she wants to fight just tell her you aren't negotiating the issue and walk away.
2007-03-09 03:27:57 · answer #5 · answered by orangeflameninja 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know it seems important now..but in 10 years..you won't care..or you will have a good chuckle out of it.
I mean...its not like she wants to wear W*H*I*T*E!
My sister freaked over the dress her mil-to-be was going to wear..when she was there one day she and her hubby to be stole it and threw it out the window. The did buy her another...but jiminy crickets..they aren't even married anymore!
Is your mother a full size woman? Maybe she feels more comfortable in black. Maybe it makes her feel beautiful. Maybe she hasn't seen that they have some lovely shades of navy, olive, wine and chocolate that may be just as versatile for her. Maybe she doesn't have the money to throw $200.00 + alterations +$40.00 on shoes +$80.00 on hair + your gift..etc.. (not to mention paying for dad's stuff assuming they are still married).
Black was taboo 20 years ago..and tacky.. Now it is a popular color for bridesmaids..its chic.
Go with her...let her pick out her own gown...(David's has a GREAT sale rack by the way!) If it still freaks you out..get her an enormous corsage to brighten up the gown...
and...if you have an appt. at David's, call ahead and talk to your sales associate and ask her if she can be some assistance in guiding your mother toward other colors.
http://www.davidsbridal.com/special_occassion_return_mother_dresses.jsp?pageno=1
check out the color guides on their website too.
2007-03-09 03:06:32 · answer #6 · answered by foxinsox 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pick your battles. My mom is a huge pain in my wedding planning as well, but if I fought with her about everything I'd never get anything planned. Also, if she's not been helpful up to this point maybe she's saying this to get a rise out of you? Leave it be, let her wear black if she wants. Black is a very formal color & there isn't anything wrong with wearing it to a wedding, even for a mother. I have a grandmother wearing black to mine.
2007-03-09 02:52:26 · answer #7 · answered by layla983 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends how formal you wedding will be.
If it is a night reception let her wear black. If it is a day reception, she should wear a color.
But your other guests will wear black any how, so why fight with your mother. As long as it is a nice outfit it doesn't matter what she wears.
I would suggest you go to JC Penny's they have a great evening wear dept. & she may feel like she can wear it again if it doesn't come from a bridal store.
2007-03-09 03:02:45 · answer #8 · answered by ee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you go to David's Bridal she will see that there are not Mother of the Bride dresses in black. Talk to the attendants at the boutique and maybe they can talk some sense in to her, or perhaps she would listen if it comes from someone else.
Also, you may suggest if what she wants is something that she can wear somewhere else, she can opt for a navy blue suit instead. Is not black and is just as versatile.
Best of luck
2007-03-09 02:07:46 · answer #9 · answered by Blunt 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Let her wear the black. Unfortunately my mother and mother in law wore black to my spring wedding even though I asked them not to. I decided not to get upset about it because if they look bad it's not my problem. Same thing with the hair and make up. If she doesn't want to get it done on her own, it's her own problem. People always expect the mothers to look nice so when they don't, guests will know it's not the bride's fault. You have so much other stuff going on it's just one less thing you should be worrying about right now. As long as she shows up on the big day! Congrats and good luck!!
2007-03-09 02:01:37 · answer #10 · answered by lakee_4 2 · 4⤊ 2⤋