How do you grieve without falling completely to pieces?

Question

My mom died in Dec. I know there is no magic formula for the grief process but life does continue, people have to go back to work, and go out in public, etc. You can't just lose it any old time, can you?

What I am dealing with is sudden sobbing fits...as well as anger feelings. They sometimes are triggered by songs, stressful situations, being tired, etc but many times honestly I don't know that they are triggered by anything I am doing. I just burst into tears. I did this at the BANK the other day.

People are starting to treat me like I'm crazy! Now, I don't really care what any stranger thinks of me that much, but you can't just unload your baggage everywhere you go????

How do you live your life and still get your natural feelings out when they don't come on a schedule? We don't all have the luxury of holing up to deal with things alone or going to therapy. At some point this has to worry the kids, exhaust your friends, make your boss question your professionalism...

OH yeah I did forget to mention that I am already on anti depressants. My mom was sick and her last hospitalization and nursing home placement pushed me over the limit to take it on my own, this is when I got a Rx for Effexor. I hate them and have recently decided to stop them on my own. But the crying has been before and after...so I honestly wonder if they ever worked much, or if I am past the need for them.

My emotions tend to be very mixed. My mom's illness was long, and I was her caretaker, so a lot of my feelings go between some form of sadness and loss, and then swing over to relief.

Adding to the raw emotions was my decision to stop smoking. I still use nicotine replacement so quitting cigarettes was easy but if I go too long without the gum or lozenges...look OUT!

I am trying to adopt a few healthy habits, getting rest, etc.

Thanks for the quick responses so far, I continue to watch for more wisdom.

Looks like there won't be any more responses so I will select, it will be very difficult because you all had such lovely things to say. Thanks for everyone's support.

Answer 1

Try to research online some free or lost cost therapy in your area. It's hard to find but its out there. You know you are not crazy and anyone who isnt a stranger knows that you are suffering a loss. Try to focus you time and energy on you work as much as possible. Sit a time aside at home alone for about 15 mins or more if you have time. To remember your mom however you'd like: pics, songs, her belongings, ect. Then cry your eyes out. If you can think of that time as a way to still "hang" with your mom and grieve her as well, eventually your time will be spent smiling instead of crying. It's not going to happend over night, maybe not even until next year. And even 10yrs from now you may still cry. So, what? you lost someone special to you. You deserve to greive as long as it takes. Don't let anyone tell you different. BUT you must move on physically and live your life.

Answer 2

My Father died over a year ago and I still do that.I helped care for him and He died at home.Having to watch someone you love die is so traumatic and because of his suffering In the end I constantly prayed God would take him to end it. I loved him immensely.Your probly have the same feelings I do like when his show comes on tv I tear up or there have been times at the restaurant I work at I will see a cute little old man that reminds me of him and feel the tears come.You just take it day by day and tell yourself to feel what you feel but keep strong because they wouldnt want you to be greif stricken constantly.I still feel its like a stab to my heart everyday but last year when it first happened I would just sob and now its a few tears,so I can deal with it.Really this just happened for you and there are times in the beginning when I would think oh wow I need to tell Dad about this,but he wasnt there to tell I would remember.You need to give yourself time.No you cant download when ever but you can go to the restroom and keep it private so the heartless jerks dont question your professionalism. People who were not close to their parents dont understand that a mother is like a right arm and when you lose her its hard to function.I think your normal but the world is not .its pretty cold and they dont have much patience for greif. Sometime we just live for awhile feeling numb and pain but its what you have to do to survive and it does get better with time but you will always greive.God bless you through this hard time.

Answer 3

That's a hard one to answer......Each perons grieves in their own way.....The sobbing will probably diminish over time....but the loss will be with you forever....
Some people are just able to let it go.... others are not....
I still grieve for my little brother and he's been gone 8 years....I cry when I think about him....where as my youngest brother was able to let it go... there isn't anything he can do to change what is. I try always to remember all the good and funny, lively things about my brother....
Try to keep in mind that no matter what; your Mother would want you to go on.... Find someone you really trust and talk to them....as often as it takes if they truly want to be there for you they'll listen.....no matter what.... I doubt that you're going crazy.....dealing with a loss takes time...how much time is anybodys guess...it takes as long as it takes....I did find that talking to my children about their uncle and how much it hurt helped me alot....
If you're having trouble at work take some time off seek professional help if need be....trauma like this doesn't just go away over night.....but it should diminish with time....

Answer 4

Different people vary in the amount of time it takes to grieve, there is no set time. For some people it takes years,others months. Don't fret about your tearfulness and anger, they are normal reactions to death. You are NOT crazy, you are quite normal. Let your feelings out, much better out than in. Take as long as is necessary and don't let anyone tell you any dsifferent. If you really are desperate, you could always go to bereavement counselling, but it sounds as though you are doing pretty well yourself.

Answer 5

I lost my father five years ago and I still have my days. When I first lost him I honestly felt his presence which helped but after a while it sunk in that he was really gone. And nothing anybody tried to do really helped. What helped was going to his grave an telling him how much I love an misse him an that each and everyay he is in my thoughts. That there is so much out there that remins me of him. But I told him that as much as I miss him I need to carry on> by telling him this I didn't feel guilty by not welling on his death. It was like he gave me his blessing to en my grief and go on as long as I kept his memory alive

Answer 6

do not worry bout it when u start cryn in public, because u have to let it out, it doesnt matter if people are looking let them look. my daughter died last year at 3 mos of age and when ever i thought of her i cried , cause when i held it in i started getting really bad anxiety and i ended up on anti-depressing pills. it will take time u cant rush these feelings, i am still grieving as we speak. i almost got fired from my job and i had to take 2 weeks off work. i learned how to pray more and ask god to give me strength to go own with my life. everything will be ok just have faith. nobody will understand unless they go threw it on there on.

Answer 7

could desire to be previous bread , if so then brush with olive oil wrap in moistened kitchen towel and micro for 15-30 sec's go away wrapped (relax) then slice or decrease ! this might moisten the bread to a greater doable piece. (upload some basil/or mint (very advantageous mince ) with the oil ...