What is your opinion on bed sharing?

Question

My son is 4 and his mother and I have joint custody. When he is with her she bed shares. When he's with me he sleeps in his own bed. Personally, I'm against it. I feel bed sharing enforces co-dependence and a host of other developmental problems such as separation anxiety. Can anyone provide some answers to the negative consequences of parents bed sharing with their children?

Thanks for the input so far. I do believe the bed sharing is more of a need/want for his mother. It smacks of a "live doll" situation.

Answer 1

An important question is this: Who is promoting the shared bed, your child or the mother? This helps understand the basis for the bed sharing. If it's the mother, it suggests her own dependency matters. If it's the child, it suggests anxiety. Regardless, it is not developmentally normal as an ongoing form of coping with the divorce or otherwise for your pre-schooler. Children need bed-time independence, and this is well established before the age of four.
Best of Luck-

Answer 2

Our son slept in the bed with us since he was a few months old. He is now 2 and sometimes he sleeps in our bed other times he sleeps in his. We have never had a problem with separation anxiety and for a two year old he is pretty independent. I enjoyed co sleeping. We are getting close to the end though. It's tuff being pregnant and squished between a husband and a tossing two year old. But I plan to do the same with our daughter.

Answer 3

I have shared custody with daughters father and I also share my bed with my daughter. She goes to sleep on her own without me though. She is five now-I use to have to go to sleep with her or stay in the room till she fell asleep. I did this though from the time she was a baby-her father just got overnights like a year ago. It probably wasn't the best decision b/c I don't know if it's that easy on her father getting her to sleep. I am hoping that by kindergarten she will want that independence for herself-and her own room. Does son have had time seperating from mom/you?

Answer 4

it is each child/or parents choice but my belief is that you need to be sure it is the "need or want" of the child and not the parent. by you saying that the child sleeps in its own bed with you sounds more like the problem lies with the parent and not the child. talk to your child and see what their opinion is.

as far as the negative side there are lots...childs self esteem is lowered, less self assured, less confidence, may tend to be anxious on seperation/or have abandonment issues if not stopped soon.

from my own experience the parent also looses out in the long run especially if the child is a "wild" sleeper...kicking, hitting and other activities often happen during the night(my husband and i have rec black eyes...busted lips...and even bruised ribs)

and there are any number of books with topics such as this and even try checking on google.

Answer 5

I think his mother got to bring him to his own bed and let him sleep by himself. Of course, at the beginning, I think she needs to stay until he's sleeping. She can tell him story about a boy how to be an independent. It's my experience, honestly it's not easy when he's getting older. So, better do it now. After he loves his own bed, he will not sleep with his mother. Do you know if he likes his room or bed ? Does he scare if the lights are turned off ? You can dim the light..... Try to know him more or understand why he wants to sleep with his mother. Anyway, he's young, more tender loving care is needed. But be a parent, need to be firm when you think it is good to him and the family.

Answer 6

Before a baby turns a year it is very dangerouse unless baby is in a co-sleeper then I think its ok. I think it does cause lots of problems for the pearents if they want to get their bed back but if you are the type of parents that don't care then its okay. My son has sleeped in his own bed since 6 months and in his own room since he was 9 months. He would of been in his own bed sooner but he slept most the time in the swing or carseat in the first few months because of severe reflux and colic. If he is okay in his own bed at your place then he doesnt have that many problems with him needing to be with her. It sounds like she needs him close more then he needs her.

Answer 7

I dont think it is negative in fact ...i believe it is just the opposite . By letting your son sleep with you he will feel secure in knowing he has someone to "run to without feeling bad! In the long run he will in my opinion have more self confidence .

Answer 8

wow.if thats all you have to worry about,you got it made.dude,get a new hobby.youre lucky the kid isnt sleeping in the basement while mom has strange men over.honestly,geez.

Answer 9

i would be afraid of crushing it.