Army Wives: Toughest job in the Army or along for the ride?

Question

2 women wrote articles in the Army Times a few issues back. They wrote to disagree with the bumper sticker that many wives have on their vehicles that say "Army Wife: Toughest job in the army." To sum it up, they dont have to wear the uniform, work all day, worry about soldiers, deploy to combat zone, etc. All they wanted to do was to support their husbands career.
A recent Army Times included several letters from women who say that being an army wife IS the toughest job, or about the same. To sum their argument: They have to do laundry, take care of kids, run errands, worry about their husbands, wait on "the knock," answer kids questions about when daddy is coming home, etc

Where do you stand? Will tell you that THIS wife does NOT believe that I have the toughest job. I dont go to PT, wear a uniform, follow orders, train, deploy to combat zone, leave my family, and essentially save the world. I do my part to support my husband so he has no worries and can focus on the mission.

Answer 1

Our first child is in fact days away from arrival, so up to this point, no, my "job" has not been particularly tough. I wouldn't classify it as "along for the ride" though either. My husband was in Korea for a year before we moved to Germany where he's now in the middle of his second Iraq deployment. Nothing about the road here has been "easy".

Laundry, errands, cooking and cleaning all need to be done whether you're single, married, kids or none; but moving every few years, waiting through mulitple deployments, dealing with base politics, and all the other fun little things that accompany being a military wife certainly can take their toll. The stresses our husbands take in, which often effects their temperment at home, are also much different, and in most cases much more serious, than those a civilian wife has to adapt to. "My plugger is broken from where the bullet hit it" requires different handling than "Bob from accounting ate my lunch from the breakroom fridge". Civilian wives will also never have to deal with the changes that occur in a man when he's been to war and try to adapt herself and her family to them while at the same time trying to recover any shred of the man she knows he once was.

Ask my FRG leader, however, and she'll tell you totally different story. The wives who play prominent support roles, and I'll admit I'm not one of them, have just as stressful of a job as their husbands. My FRG leader is what one is meant to be, but that means she has 200 wives to look out for. We're also in a deployment right now, so she's raising her two very small children on her own in addition to trying to keep all of us updated, informed, entertained occasionally, and generally in touch with the world.

Answer 2

I think the main point of the bumper sticker should be :

Army wife: Toughest Job in the Army THAT HAS ABSOLUTELY NO RECOGNITION FROM ANYONE.

Most Army wives that I met during my husbands military career had to put up with people saying how great they had it, no husband, they got to spend all his money, do what ever they wanted to, could sleep around and everything since obviously the only reason they married someone in the military is because they dont really love them, if they did how could they get into a relationship that they knew the guy was going to be gone for years at a time?

I think it is the toughest job in the military that no one wants to give anyone credit for... America will all stand up to recognize the solider that comes back from a war but when the wife gets stressed out having to deal with being a single parent for year deployments ect, she is told that "she knew what she was getting into when she married him so suck it up"

Both are tough jobs, just different.

I couldnt make it as a military wife - I am glad that other people like you can.

Answer 3

I'm a Marine wife and will say I do agree with you to an extent. There are those spouses who use their husbands rank against other wives. Last time I remember it's your husbands who earned the rank, you are just a civilian married to a person in the military. I will say its hard to stabilize marriage with deployments, kids and work but it's something we as spouses married into and that should be understood. But it's not the toughest job as its our husbands who are the ones who deploy and deal with the aspect of deploying, getting up at ridiculous hours etc. I am proud of my husband and all he does for our family but that does not mean I wipe the bank account. In fact we manage the money and only spend when necessary. I don't go out shopping everyday and waste money on things. Not to say there aren't those wives. Just saying not all, myself included don't use their husbands rank or spend money or advertise being a military spouse.

Answer 4

You're looking too much into the bumper sticker. It's just a saying. I am an Army wife and being a wife is not my "job" in the first place!

To answer your question, it is not easy to be an Army wife, especially while your husband is deployed. I experience stress, anxiety, as does my husband.

But with that said, being an army wife is definitely not the toughest job in the Army.

Answer 5

I agree with you girl, it's not the toughest job in the army, but we do have to worry about our husbands when they get deployed. Mine just recently did for a second time. Keep up the good work supporting your husband.

Answer 6

Darlin take it easy,
they made those up in the 80's to make us feel better when things got tough( we were navy)
Try to find a little compassion for those who do not have your strength.We all have differing strengths and levels of support and fear and well I hate to say it ,intelligence. Whatever makes the lives of the families left behind easier is OK in my book.
I worked with the navy relief society and let me tell you honey. I met some people operating on a level I never knew existed after say age 10. They do struggle. Try to find a space in your heart to honor their small part in making the military work. Sometimes you need to allow the best someone has to give to be good enough.

Lend them your strength! Please find an address below for Army Emergency Relief the organization is comparable to the Navy relief soc. but we also did some newborn layettes E-3 and below
we just gave it ,though we always encouraged them to let us help them with a budget plan. It just sounds to me like you would be a tower of strength to some of these struggling kids.
So get to work girl! Help them support their soldiers the way you support yours, lead by example.
Dismissed!

Answer 7

They didn't mean it literally. They meant they support that army wives give their husbands. The toughest jobs in the army are commanding good people to go to die, and telling their families that it happened.

Answer 8

My wife would probably argue that point as I spoke with her last night and she was doing a science project with one child, helping the other study for a test, and trying to keep the 4 year old out of trouble. All this and do her work as a teacher and deal with the extra stuff that goes along with being a single parent.

I have to admit that it's easier to be deployed than it would be to run a family as a single parent like that.

Answer 9

As a soldier, it does not bother me. It is a tough job being an Army wife. You can ask my ex-wife.

Answer 10

Well sadly I think the women that sport this bumper sticker are one of two people. Either they don't mean it literal (may mean it in support somehow)or they are just so self involved to think clearly....Lets