Whats your opinion on young mothers?

Question

So I am probably going to offend alot of people with this, so stop reading if you are sensitive on this subject. Firstly I am 21 and I grew up in a small town and 95% of my girlfriends from school have had kids already, starting when we were 16. I always thought that we would grow up, move to the city, go to uni, just have fun being young together. But I was the only one that did this, now when I see them I feel like im the odd one out becaue I dont have kids?? What??? Im sorry but this is not normal, healthy or good for them or the kid. Why has this become so prevalent? I just think its stupid, they cant really afford to have kids or know how to raise children, most dont even have a male around and the ones that do are going out with neanderthals.

Anyway I just want to know what everyone else thinks about this? If you disagree please let me know any explain why?

Batty, the only reason I am upset about this issue, is because I feel like I have lost my best friends, we went down two different paths and unfortunatley we all grew apart and that makes me sad because we were so close.

Cathy, firstly I am just expressing what my thoughts are to see what other people think about this.

Secondly you say "What we all need to do is stop passing judgment on one another and help and learn to educate each other and love each other" It kinda sounds like you passing judgement on me for asking this question.? hmmm

Answer 1

I'm from a small town too, about 700 people in the town where I'm from. I also had my first baby at 17. My little sister graduated in 2002. Out of the 13 girls in her class.....11 of them had 14 kids by the year 2000. I'll tell you right now my opinion.....They're all getting pregnant, because they're too lazy to find something fun, other than sex, to do on the weekends! Ha ha......pathetic excuse, I know. I know it's tough to watch your friends wonder from the path you thought you'd always take together, but that's just part of growing up I think. After my baby was born, I didn't really have any friends. Unlike most the other girls I went to high school with, my dad didn't go to work and support my baby. My mother didn't stay home to watch my little boy while I remained on the basketball team or the cheerleading squad. When everyone else was at junior prom, I was working a double shift, trying to save up, for things I knew my baby would need.

I think the problem here is.....yes you're all young. The difference is, while they're still young, they've been forced to grow up and be adults. You on the other hand, still get to be young. You don't have the responsibilities that they have. Now I'm not saying that you're not responsible, or all grown up.....but you have a luxury that moms do not.....free time. There's nothing stopping you, if you want to go to a club Friday night, but us young mothers have to stay home, bathe babies, and put them to sleep.

Like I said I was a young mom, I'm still a young mom. I had my first at 17, I got married at 19, had my second right before I turned 21, and then had twins 9 days before my 23rd brithday. Then I had my tubes tied, because I'm done having babies. So here I am, 24, with four kids. There are times would I would love to go out with my friends, and pretend that I'm a young, carefree 24 year old young lady......but that's just not the case for me. Most of the women I relate to are older, because MOST women my age, have no idea what it's like to have four kids. But this is the life I chose. Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. I like to look at it this way. I'm young, I have my babies, and now I have the engery to raise them and someday....many years from now I'll have the engery (I hope) to play with my grandbabies. (My role model is my great grandfather, who passed away a year and half ago at the age of 97. The Christmas before he died, he got in the floor and played with my oldest two (I was pregnant with the twins at the time.) 95 and in the floor playing with my babies! I want to be young enough to play with my kids, and their kids, and their kids kids. Besides look at it the other way. There are people out there having kids in their late fourties and early fifties. In some cases older than that. How old are they gonna be when their child graduates high school? It goes both ways, and you have to do what's right for you.

Go out, have fun, be young. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But me, I'm going to stay home, and play with my babies, and there's nothing wrong with that either.

Answer 2

I hate when people do the math on my age when they find out I have a 12 year old! If I could turn back time, I would have decided to have my child in my early 30's rather than @ 17- but life is not always so simple and hindsight is 20/20. Regardless, I have not regrets. I have raised my son %100 on my own, no family to support me, broke up with the "father" when I was 5 mos. preg. (after 3 years). I have always been an active parent, stayed home with my son his first 4 years from the most part, managed to get 2 degrees (working on 3rd) and remained self- employed for the majority of the time. My son is happy, well rounded and on the honor roll. I prioritized his needs and the result is no different than that of any other fantastic parent. We live in a beautiful apt., drive a nice car, he wants for nothing, we travel extensively- life is good. Bottom line is- don't look down on me or pity my circumstances because what you assume is simply untrue.

Answer 3

I think that it is wise to get a good education before you start a family. I also believe that it is extreamly important to have a good father on the scene. Children seem to respect the voice of a dad. After a long day with the children a mom gets worn out and a dad that is active in raising the children is a must. If you wait until you can afford children it seems like you will never be able to afford them. I don't agree with young girls raising babies on their own. I think that it is selfish for the woman to keep the child that she can't afford. There are a lot of people that want to adopt and have the money and time to give these children good , loving homes. If a couple is young and mature it is fine if they are willing to start a family early in life. My husband and I were both 19 and My daughter and her husband were both 18, but he had finished college and had a job by then. He was smart and mature, so they are doing a great job raising two wonderful boys. In some cases it is perfect, in other cases it is a huge mistake. It all depends on the amount of education, how hard you are willing to work to support your family, and how hard you will work to raise good responsible citizans. Most people are not ready when they are young and the child grows up with only one parent and in poverty. This is sad. I think that if you can't support the child and give them a home with a dad and mom you should give the child up . That way the child has a chance to accomplish something in their life. In my opinion you did the right thing. Good for you.

Answer 4

I myself, am a young mother. I became pregnant soon after I turned 19. I was shocked, as I was very responsible, and took birth control everyday at the same time. I started college anyway while I was pregnant, and took care of myself and my baby e.g. I didn't drink, smoke, eat lunchmeat or soft cheese, wasn't around ANY second-hand smoke, ate only healthy foods (no candy or soda), no caffeine, etc. It felt very normal, healthy, and good. I knew I was being the best kind of mother, and I knew that, even though I didn't and still don't have alot of money, all a baby really needs is someone who cares and loves them more than they love themselves. I got some grief from my grandma (who was 16 when she had her first child), but all in all, I had a lot of respect from my family. I go against alot of the stigmas of being a young mom; I breastfeed, co-sleep, am a Stay-at-home-mom, and devote almost all of my time into raising my beautiful little girl the best way I know.

I do agree, that if a young woman/girl does become pregnant, and doesn't take care of herself or her child, then she is selfish and NOT ready to bring another child into the world. I do not believe in abortion, but I believe that these women, if they had any sense, would give their children up for adoption. I would also have to say, that these girls have NO idea how much they are giving up. I accepted that as soon as I knew I was pregnant. I knew that I wouldn't be able to go out and party anymore (at least, anytime soon), or drink, or smoke, or even take a shower whenever I wanted. I think alot of these girls just don't realize how completely unselfish you have to be to bring a baby into this world.

Furthermore, while I agree with your general view on young mothers, I would have to say that there are many poor examples of mothers in ANY age group. It all depends on the person, their level of maturity, and how much they love themselves and their children.

Answer 5

I feel saddened for the young mothers and their children. Not because they have a lesser quality of life, are bad parents, or anything negative like that. Just because life is so much harder. I skipped college to get married at 19. At 21 I had my son. Then decided to go back to college. It was challenging. So much harder than if I would have flipped the experiences. My best friend however, did the college thing and then joined the military. Neither one of us are where we pictured ourselves at 26. And we certainly chose different paths. However we are still best friends. The choices we made were not personal to the other. We respected each other and we are still best friends. So, while I understand that you feel you've lost close friends, it doesn't have to be that way. Show them some respect and accept that they have limited free time. Embrace the choice they made (while not for you) and re-extend that hand of friendship. If you cannot accept them with their children, you need to face that and grieve for the loss you created. Hope that helps. Best wishes and take care.

Answer 6

truthfully, you sound angry and judgemental, which is an easy thing to do when you are young. Chances are your friends were only doing what they knew or saw or were taught or raised to do....you chose differently, and that's great, make the most of what you've done, find new friends who share the same interests as you do, that is what life is all about, people change, their lives change and they grow apart. My stepdaughter is a young mother, she's 18 and her baby is 1 year old. She did not chose to become a young mother, but it happened thru her actions, and now she is making the best of it. I would be very angry if one of her friends were to treat her meanly or disrespectfully simply because they didn't understand her. I would respect them much more if they simply moved on....and I know my stepdaughter realizes that they will move on, just as she finds them lacking...it's life, handle it with some grace, be gracious and kind towards your friends, look for new ones, and let it go....it's OK to move on.

Answer 7

I am married, 27 years old and a mother to a 5 year old boy. We planned our son's pregnancy when we were both 21 and i had him at age 21.

I do however think that young little teenage girls that get pregnant well i think it is a shame. Why would anyone want to grow up before they have too?
Maybe their are some good teenage parents but i haven't seen any around me at all. THey usually throw their kid off on their moms so they can run out and have fun.
I think anyone should do a bit of living before settling down.
If i were you i would not feel like an odd ball, afterall did you get pregnant when you were 15/16? NO
I don't get why teenagers do not get on birth control if they are going to have sex. I did when my husband (boyfriend at the time) and i started having sex at age 16. I did not want to have a baby at all back then.
Just finish going to school and take your time if your not ready as of yet to settle down but there is no shame in you not having a kid right now what is a shame though is a teenager with a baby on their hip..

Answer 8

First, none of us can really ever afford children and/or ready to have children and/or really know who to raise children.

You say your friends do not have a man around, as if they really need one, but when they do they have not good ones around. Which would you want..? them with creeps or alone. ??

Most of us from high school go in different paths. That is what growing up does to people.

What we all need to do is stop passing judgment on one another and help and learn to educate each other and love each other.

Answer 9

all of my sisters had baby's by 15-16 and my brothers got girls prag before they where 18 and i am from a small town

i do not think it is a good thing for anyone under 20 to have children but i had my first at 18 so i cant say much i wish they would wait till there older and had a job and money in savings and life was going well for them but that is not how life works and we can not control what others do

i think there should be more education for these kids on why they should wait but there isn't

Answer 10

What is good, sensible and fun for you is not necessarily good, sensible or fun for anyone else. Everyone wants different things out of life.
This is how life works! I am 53 now. All my girlfriends had their babies young too. They were happy! I waited to have mine. I was happy!
Ease up and go on to make the life that you want. You won't find it by being upset that things didn't go like you wanted.
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I understand, but that is also part of life. Perhaps you should try to visualize yourself becoming part of the lives they have chosen to live. You are, after all, the odd-man-out, and not following the path that the majority chose. You know that it wouldn't work for you right now. Correct? Your friends have the same sense of their future as you do for yourself. And friends do reconnect later in life. You have a wonderful opportunity to go out and make new friends now. The entire world is open to you right now and you should rush into it with your arms outspread, giddy with the opportunities! Not feeling sorrow and loss because you haven't really lost anything!
Good luck. And make it a glorious life!