I am loosing my boyfriend due to my insecurity and neediness?

Question

My boyfriend has been stressed out with his job lately. He asked me to give him some space to sort his situation out. He explained to me that he does not feel well at his job right now, he had a fight with his boss,who refused to promote him. He works long hours and in the evenings he's applying for new jobs. He explained to me the situation and he asked me for support, unerstanding that he needs to focus right now. The problem is I became needy of him, telling him that I don't feel special and we are loosing each other. He's even applying for a job near my city. We should meet 2 weeks later. 2days ago I sent him a message again telling him about our relationship, which upset him as he said he is so exhausted and I always need to talk about us. He said he does not feel supported. I said I am sorry but he replied to me that over the last months I always say sorry like usual but I dont seem to be realising that im loosing him more and more? How should I reply please?

Answer 1

Sounds like there is too much neediness going on. Stop worring about the relationship and give him some space. Stop questioning him about it. It will push him away.

Answer 2

"Needing space" always means only one thing: That you're not his priority at the moment. This can mean that he's got another love interest. It can also mean that you're smothering him unintentionally.

When a woman has done this with me (smothered me) unintentionally in the past, I've asked her just for a moment of private time with no limits. What happens is this. I got my quiet time and gradually began to miss her more and more. As a result, I was able to go an spend more time with her again without feeling claustrophobic. If he needs more "him" time, then let him have it with no strings attached. You'll find him loving you ever the more for it and you'll actually feel more secure.

A word of caution though. These are common words for cheaters. The fact that you two live in different cities makes this ever more likely. Ask him why he needs this time and what it is he needs to sort out. Tell him you just want to know and that you'll give him his time. If he gives you a really lame answer, he's almost certainly cheating on you.

Hopefully, that is not he case. Either way, a bit of distance between you two is the best solution. Best of luck dear!

Answer 3

That's your problem; right there...in your question...You asked "how should I reply?" HELLO! if you don't want to lose your man...because of your insecurities and neediness...than I suggest u listen 2 your man. That is exactly what he is asking u 2 do; right now...during his hard times at work...NOT to reply. Chill out girl...I'm telling you...dont wait until you are too late...like i did..i lost the love of my life 4 this very reason 4 yrs ago... I moved away a year and a half ago...I know we will never be a couple again...but I also know that I will love him until i breath my last breath.

Answer 4

You really need to stop rabbiting on about yourself. He's going through major problems. I have been in his position before - all I wanted was some moral support, some understanding and maybe even some practical help, but she would phone me after a hell of a day and - without even realising it - spend the entire conversation going on about herself without even asking me how I am.

There are some very small and simple things you could do to placate him, if you're interested in staying together.

(a) ALWAYS ask him how he is, how his day went, and how things are going. Listen to the reply and offer moral support.
(b) Why not try some practical support too? Like help him look for a new job?

Answer 5

men are like onions. the more layers you peel, the more we cry. okay. thing is, you probably are being a little needy. how long have you been dating? a few months?? okay, well . . . his reason is because he doesn't feel supported. i would suggest you ask him how you can support him. in detail. if that's what he needs, then try and give him space. but what you have to do for yourself is not depend on him so much. don't be insecure. that leads to bad things and a negative energy that you'll feel which will not be gratifying to you. take up a hobby. do something creative. do things that inspire and energize you. do things that boost your self-confidence. once you do that, you'll find that you're busy in life while he's trying to get his in order. then that's when he will come to you and say "why haven't you been emailing me or talking to me about us?" or whatnot. in a way, it is manipulative to reel a man in like that as though you aren't bothered by the lack of closeness and communication on the status of your relationship. but, it will help you out by not feeling so dependent on another individual. you will find yourself happy with yourself and beaming with confidence. love and cherish yourself.

Answer 6

Hello there!.
My advice is that, you need to meet each other, talk face to face. Every problem has a solution. Giving space is not a solution but it's a sign of loosing interest of you!. You need to meet him and discuss serious business. Stop sending emails or telephone as this will only make things worse....

Answer 7

i know the feeling.
i was in a relationship for 3 years. we moved in together too soon,
after only 5 months.....then i pursued finishing school, at which point he also decided to give a new career goal to himself and opened a gallery with a friend. Both of us battled our goals and lost time with eachother because of it. I became unappreciated feeling no time together and bickering started. He was pulling
disappearing acts saying he needed his space. I bought the book Relationship Rescue by Dr. Phil....made me more desperate looking!!!! I got a hunch...and sure enough he had secretly rented a new apartment for 2 months without even telling me. He had to intelligently moved out on me (cause i loved him TOO MUCH) It was very painful!!!!! i found a new place to. We continued seeing eachother 2x a week. One day my daughter saw him talking to another woman in Dutch language laughing and carrying on... i flipped out. But he claims he did the floors in her house blah blah....needless to say we put 1 more year into US...but it just never felt right again...it just slowly dwindled away to nothingness...painful long enduring breakup depression. 5 months later...he bought a house together with his new Girlfriend.
They already had something before i figured it all out.
Whats happening to you is not quite the same but...a scorned guy is capable of seeking another outlet somewhere to vent...lets hope he chooses to stay with you. Be strong. Find something to occupy your time and let him be for a while. Its the rubberband effect right now...
Take care---and good luck. He/you deserve to have a happy healthy life together...

Answer 8

it seems you know what to do already. you know that what your doing is driving him away so you know you need to stop.

however, you need to shake the feelings of insecurity and to stop being so needy. you need to talk through your insecurities with some close friends, and start goin out without your man. this will do two things at once as you will stop texting and harassing him all the time AND youll be able to tell him funny stories from your nights out

good luck

Answer 9

You should give him some space. Just realize that if you're always pestering him, he's going to lose focus on his career goals.. He probably misses you just as much as you think about him but he can't be distracted during this crucial period of his life,

Answer 10

if u really like the guy, i suggest you ask him to let you have a break to think about things. hang out with your friends and have a few weeks without him. then, see which kind of life you like better and tell him.