What would you do?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together a long time now and want to someday get married. The problem is he's Mormon and wants to get married in the temple, but that would require me to be Mormon as well and I'm actually an Atheist. He refuses to compromise on the subject and I'm not sure what to do. I don't understand what is so special about being married in the temple... any advice would be appreciated.

We've been together over 2 years, not 3 months. And please don't refer to me as sweetie. I don't appreciate being talked down to.

Answer 1

I can see your boyfriend's perspective. As a Mormon, he believes that this life is not all there is, and he loves you enough to want to be with you forever. Marriages made anywhere else are "until death us do part" - the marriage ends when one partner dies. Your boyfriend does not want to be in heaven without you, he wants you to be married "For time and for all eternity", which means that when you die, you are still married, and you can be together in heaven. Such marriages are only conducted in the Temple, simply because only Mormons believe that marriage can last forever.

His insisting on a temple marriage is a great declaration of his love for you. Be flattered. It is not enough for him for you to be together for the rest of your lives and he is willing to risk all the problems you are encountering to try to make your love eternal.

My lovely new husband was an atheist, but years before we met he encountered the missionaries and prayed for the first time, and he is now a Mormon Christian. We were married for time and for all eternity in the London Temple. It is so wonderful to know that not even death can separate us.

It would indeed be reprehensible to join the church just to marry your boyfriend. But be open minded. Why not visit the Temple grounds together, and talk about your options? At least consider meeting with the missionaries. If you truly don't believe it, then no one can make you join- and baptism is a huge commitment. Your boyfriend will then have a big decision to make - marry you elsewhere, or end the relationship and hope someday to meet a Mormon girl he can love enough to want to marry for eternity.

Best of luck.

Answer 2

My friend's mother recently married a Mormon man. She was not Mormon, and actually finds the religion silly. However, she "converted" so that they could marry in the temple. I find this reprehensible. Not only is this a mock of his religious beliefs, but he was inconsiderate.

If you marry in the temple, you must convert. That's the stipulation the Mormon church puts on you. It seems to me that if your boyfriend marries you on a beach or in a park or whatever, it does not make him any less of a Mormon. It DOES, however, make him more of a man to understand compromise. If you, however, give in and falsely convert because of him, this infringes on your right to proclaim whatever your beliefs are. You'll be living out a lie, because you cannot let the Mormons ever know you are not Mormon.

You will sometimes have to give in to him for the sake of compromise. On subjects of your beliefs, however, you are NEVER obligated to do so.

Answer 3

If you both love each other very much and very much want to be together than you both must be willing to compromise. Compromise is the basis of all human relationships be they friendships or marriage, etc. Perhaps you should ask him what is so special about being married in the temple. Listen to his answer carefully and listen for ways in which compromise could be made between both. You do not sound as if you have a problem with getting married in the temple, the problem is on becoming a Mormon. Perhaps you could explain this to your boyfriend. Perhaps he is so unwilling to compromise because he fears you are rejecting the importance his religion plays in his life. Since you haven't made any statement above that indicates this, since it seems you are very willing to gladly get married in the temple, then that reveals the only problem here for you is that you must become a Mormon....something that goes against your conscience. Since what seems to be dividing you is merely a matter conscience and not at all a disrespect or rejection of religious preference, then it seems that compromise could be reached. He wants to get married in the temple. You are willing to get married in the temple. Those who own the temple demand that you violate your own conscience and declare yourself, perhaps even falsely, to be Mormon just to do it. Since you do not wish to lie and violate your own conscience you enter into conflict because he very much wants the union to be blessed by God in a sacred space (the temple). The compromise for you both comes in the fact that it is not so much the space itself that you are both in need of compromising, but in the manner by which your boyfriend can assure that God has blessed the union (this is most likely the importance of why he wants so much to marry in the temple...he wants God's blessing and needs not only the sacred space, but the officiant...priest). Thus your beloved needs to find an officiant/priest of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that is willing to marry you both, with or without the temple. That or find a temple whose servants of God are willing to marry you without you being a Mormon. These are the only two obvious compromises. Perhaps if you sit down and discuss in depth amongst each other, other compromises may emerge.

I hope the best for you both.

Wishing you peace.

Answer 4

this often is a dilemma.
there are only two scenario's that is going to happen either you join the church and get married or you dont and He leaves you for someone that will.
I know i was rejected for lack of being temple worthy

if you really truly love this guy, and he truly loves you, even if you two get married in civil court. there will be hardships and arguments over relgion especially if he become super Religious and you remain inactive. This is a third alternative but divorce rates for mixxed relgious beliefs can be extremely high.

if you do get married, you should always keep in mind that LDS home teachers and visiting teachers will visit your household everymonth and several people will think they will be MOVED by the spirit to befreind you and always try to convince you to believe in God. So you must always be humble and full of compassion towards them. On the other hand if you become so hard hearted YOU will ruin His life and make it miserable that often times he will consider divorce but depending on how much this adversity plagues your marriage it will determine how long it will survive until the love is lost because of lack of faith or religious zeal.
The bible counsels people to NOT be unequally YOKED. meaning both relgious beliefs and Race. but it doesnt say that all such marriages are doomed. it does say on the other hand that the unbeliever is sanctified by the believer.

I wish you good luck in whatever you two decide, but the first things first you have to take the missionary discussion and agree to the Lessons and ultimately agree to an invitation to be baptised.

Answer 5

It may be a tough thing to do, but let the guy go. 1)Arguments over religion are huge things and not ones that are resolved in a short period of time. You will not be able to change his mind and it sounds like you will not be changed either.
2) The Mormon church is not a true Christian church and not one that I would encourage you to join.

If you want to find out more about the temple and what goes on in there, have a look at www.bcmmin.org

Answer 6

For anyone, I believe that it is never right to do wrong to do right. You should never go against your convictions. If you do it you will be living a lie. The Mormon church would not agree to it if they knew the truth. At some point you will have to deal with that and it could cause great distress in your marriage and in your relationships. Be an Atheist, or be a Mormon not both.

Answer 7

You are entertaining an absolute disaster! There is no way that a marriage of the two of you will last, Sooner or later, you will not be able to tolerate your differences. Why not try a good period of separation to see if this 'love affair' is strong enough to even continue. Sorry, but that is the best I can offer!

Answer 8

if he refuses to compromise on the subject then he does not respect you as an equal. if he really loves you he would marry you, not try to change your beliefs to fit is own. plus if he wants a marriage to work he had better learn to compromise on even bigger issues, else life is gonna be hell and lead to a quick divorce.
if he does not compromise, neither should you.

Answer 9

that is a noodle scratcher, I think it is a good idea to settle this now as it will cause problems later on. If he expects you to respect his beliefs he also should respect yours. I say put your foot down and tell him you refuse to be a mormon and get married in a park or something.

Answer 10

So your boyfriend loves you but won't respect your beliefs and find a compromise? Something must be in the water, 'cause that seems to be going around.