My husband and I need to find a way to compromise on sex. We had a baby 7mos. ago. During the pregnancy and after the birth, I felt very uncomfortable with my body, despite his attentiveness and compliments, and very uninterested in sex. After the c-section, I had a lot of pain & some bleeding. We didnt' have sex for 8mos of the pregnancy and for 5 months after. When we finally did, there was a lot of pain and some bleeding. (fyi, not lack of lube) I've been seeing a doctor, so far tests have turned up negative. It's been a month and a half since we had sex, & I cannot easily give him oral because of his size and my gag reflex. My husband is beginning to become impatient, and says he feels his needs are being ignored. It's been a month and a half since we had sex, & I cannot easily give him oral because of his size and my gag reflex.
2007-02-24 18:06:31 · 12 answers · asked by Killer B 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
...tests were ultrasound to verify healing normal & no tumors...he's not a complete jerk, he had a vasectomy & said he didn't mind taking a little pain for me. Not quite the same as a c-section, though.
2007-02-24 18:15:43 · update #1
Why did you stop having sex when you got pregnant? The reason why you bled and were in pain is because you haven't had sex in over a YEAR! If he's that big, then you would need to become re-accustomed to his size.
It sounds like you are dealing with some depression; a diminished sex drive is an indication of it and if it's been going on this long it's time to see a psychiatrist or a psychologist about what's going on inside you to make you that way. It may take some time, but you need to figure out why you are no longer interested in sex. Ask your husband for patience; there's more to this than just a biological urge.
2007-02-24 18:13:20 · answer #1 · answered by shoujomaniac101 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Its all in your mind, If you tense up and think it's going to hurt, then its going to hurt. What you need to do is have a nice relaxing night together (send baby to grandma's). Ease your way back into it. If possible rent a hotel room with a private jacuzzi in the room. The heat and water will make things easier and more comfortable. Good luck. By the way for those of you saying the guy is being insensitive, sex is the best way men know how to be close to their mates. On a subconscious (and sometimes conscious) level it hurts men mentally and/or physically not to be able to physically be with their mate.
2007-02-25 10:09:23 · answer #2 · answered by autumnofserenity@sbcglobal.net 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to a psychologist. Going that long without sex is not normal, and your husband married you, not the kid. Your lack of sex drive might be destroying your marriage,and you probably know it.
Try to get in the mood- send the kid to the grandparents, or get a sitter and go to a hotel, to get rid of the distractions. Talk to your husband- maybe go away for the weekend, have a nice date, take a bath together, have long foreplay.
Sometimes a traumatic pregnancy leads to lack of sex drive. Talk to your doctor about reliable bith control (if you're on the pill or on the patch, that might be contributing to your lack of sex drive), and if that doesn't work out, talk to a counselor.
2007-02-25 13:25:35 · answer #3 · answered by jimbell 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sarah C. seems to not live on this planet.
So... there are two sexes, and they both have sexual needs.
I'm am very sorry you have to go through this. If you and him want to have sex like you used to, you have to keep seeing doctors until the problem is fixed. Until then, find ways to compromise. I would, however, advise against vaginal sex because it may be contributing to the problem.
2007-02-25 02:18:16 · answer #4 · answered by Think. 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like a one way street to me......you have a baby to care for and he is the one throwing a temper tantrum about his thing not being cared for. My husband has been a blessing to me in that he does not pressure me, even though I have not had a child recently. I had two surgeries in the last year, though, one for my ovary and one for my appendix. If your husband were to have these surgeries, having sex would be the last thing on his mind, but they do hurt afterwards.
Ask your husband to stab himself in the stomach and stitch it up, then ask for sex......if he thinks he can handle it,.....well you had better call 911 first :-) It is nothing you have done, it just sounds like your husband demands a lot from you.
Congrats on your baby and I hope you are doing well
2007-02-25 02:16:31 · answer #5 · answered by kaliroadrager 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
i understand what your saying i had a c section and was the same way after it was almost a year before i felt like having sex there are things you can do e mail me and we will talk more
2007-02-25 04:06:33 · answer #6 · answered by debrasearch 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
13 monthes! You go girl...if you can KEEP a man with 13 monthes of NO sex..you are the bomb! Give the man a hand job, a ******** or find out what IS wrong with you! He has been more than patient!
2007-02-25 02:20:08 · answer #7 · answered by beth l 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋
make him understand by telling him that it can put ur life in danger if u get pregnant in 44 aftergiving birth.besides ur husband have chances of getting infection,that did not work
2007-02-25 02:39:25 · answer #8 · answered by Aegina 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He needs to be more understanding
2007-02-25 22:28:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry...if he thinks he's being ignored...he's just a jerk. Sorry, hunny.
He's just going to have to learn how to please himself for a while.
What "tests" have turned up negative for what?
But, please, if you want to please your husband...Learn to accomodate his large member in your mouth. If it makes you happy to make him happy, please...give him oral.
My baby is 6 months now. I was VERY insecure with my body right after i had the baby. But...i breastfeed and i exercise and I have high hopes for my body. with the baby, i gained 45 pounds. Since i had the baby, i've lost 52 pounds.
You've GOT to be confident in yourself. If you're confident with yourself and your body...your husband will see that. Girl, you're beautiful. Your husband wants you. Cherish that. Take care of him. I hope he knows to take care of you, too. It goes both ways. I hope he wants to please you as much as you want to please him.
2007-02-25 02:10:06 · answer #10 · answered by lkjgfyfukh 4 · 2⤊ 5⤋