I'm 32 years old and have been a single parent for 7 years now. My daughter is 9 years old. I divorced her father because of domestic violence. Ever since, I have made positive changes in my life and try with all of my heart to be the best parent that I can be. I do not receive child support and work 3 part-time jobs just to keep a roof over our heads. I also attend college full-time in the hopes of securing our future . Although I work alot, I do spend plenty of time with my little girl and she accompanies me to my child-friendly jobs. Normally, we have a really beautiful relationship, but when she gets angry, she becomes another person. She throws and breaks things in her room (and at me). She yells at me, refuses to do as she is told, cries and screams at the top of her lungs. I don't believe in spanking...& time-out's and groundings are not working. She has no concern for my feelings, is disrespectful and unruly. She is in therapy, but it"s not working. Please HELP!
2007-02-24 17:22:14 · 16 answers · asked by Flora 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I understand what you are going through as I am in a similar situation and I do spank but I don't think it achieves very much. I am going to try meditation for us both.
2007-02-24 23:43:13 · answer #1 · answered by victali 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I recommend telling her that you are doing your best. And that in order for you two to make it she has to do some things to help out. She is old enough to do some chores and things to make it easier on you. I think she is acting out do to the change. Kids do this. Personally, I think spanking is a really good way of letting the kids know whos in charge. As long as it's done right by letting them know why they are getting spanked then they end up respecting you more and they remember who is in charge. Time outs do not have a lasting effect on children.. Don't think that I have spanked my kids a whole lot but they do not disrespect me either. It only takes a few times for them to get the picture.
But she does need to know that she is a important part of the house hold and without her help you may have to do without somethings.
And the times out surely don't work if you don't enforce them for the time you set to begin with. Or grounding from the tv for 2 days and giving it back in 1 day. They remember that and test you and if you give in every time they know that they know they can get away with anything from then on out.
Happy Parenting...
2007-02-24 18:30:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
how much time has she spent being influenced by other adult figures and children of her age? a solitary child is used to having everything and everything their way. something a parent does to compensate. your daughter may also be experiencing a hormonal change...some seem to begin earlier these days.
If she had some difficulties or frustrations earlier in the day or week...her outbursts might be from that. when she gets in her tantrums...think of distractional and amusing ways to draw her attention away from a full blown tantrum. then, sit with her quietly afterwards and offer her some water or juice. ask her how does she think she should begin to deal with her occassional outbursts that would be best for a girl her age? how does think her friend so and so would deal with frustrations?
get her to help herself figure out the best way to handle it. always make diligent eye contact when having conversations with your daughter any time you talk with her. let her know you really care and are there to help and guide her. tell her you also feel bad that you dont have all the answers...that you and she can help each other. peace
2007-02-24 17:33:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It appears that your beliefs are not helping you are they? After a child is beyond 8 years old it is pretty much too late. After 8 years of age a child has pretty much established their Independence and you have pretty much lost them. Sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time. But, I really feel more sorry for the child because they will never have very many friends in school and their jobs will always be only temporary. But, you really need to nip this in the bud and like big time. What is more important to you, your 3 part time jobs and school or your child?
2007-02-24 17:32:27 · answer #4 · answered by Don't Know 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firts off you don't believe in spanking ?You should. Why do you believe in time out and grounding ?
First off you are just reaping what you sow. People go into marriage and have a child and split up and usually it is nasty. Then they wonder why their kid or kids are all screwed up emotionally.
It sounds like she inherited her anger streak from her dad.
Nevertheless the solution is not therapy. You need to show her that you are not going to put up with her anger outbursts. Send her to her dad if need be. I know you probably could never do that. But if you don't come up with a drastic move-- you think you have problems now ? You will not be able to do anything with her when she reaches her teens.
2007-02-24 17:34:39 · answer #5 · answered by mrgogee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your kid is a brat. Accept that. I don't know why you don't believe in spanking, because it works. Especially since you said that nothing else works. Therapy don't help much either, that is a waste of your money. Just pop her on the butt one good time with your hand, and she'll stop with those little tantrums.
2007-02-24 18:31:01 · answer #6 · answered by Confused & Young 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs something to do to release her frustrations. Try any kind of martial arts like Taekwon-do or even girl scouts both of these will build her self esteem and learn self control. Girl scouts or even the boys and girls club offer scholarships to low income and single parent families as does the Ymca. The Y offers gymnastics, basketball, ect....... Keep up the therapy though it does help for her to have someone to talk to.
2007-02-24 18:20:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my gosh..this sounds like my 9 yr old daughter..she does the same thing..everytime she does not get what she wants..look out...we take things away but that does not work..everytime we ask her to do something it is NO..my husband and I have her seeing her school counselor but it is not doing any good..so our next step is a family therapist....She is an only child so we think that has a lot to do with it...well good luck to you because I know what you are going thru..
2007-02-24 17:30:07 · answer #8 · answered by Nancy S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you are doing your best, age 9 can be tough, but whatever you do such as timeouts, even though they seem to not work keep doing them because she will tire of having to sit like that. If she get worse, extend the timeouts.
I would not send her to her room for timeouts, I would have her sit where she can see things going on that she would prefer to be part of.
Good luck
2007-02-24 17:32:05 · answer #9 · answered by Nort 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is so sad she 9years old you better control this be for she become a teenage ,cause by then she be hitting you. what you should go get help now call Dr.Phil like now. and don't let her run your house she is the child you are the mother....every house Had's to have rules .she start now.sit her down and let her know who the boss.and don't yell at her don't hit her talk.and listen to her.and give her a hug and a kiss .tell her how much you love her
2007-02-24 17:37:08 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋