Alcoholic Father!!?

Question

To make a long story short. My father is an alcoholic. I have not spoke to him since July. He has tried calling, but I ignore the phone call. I stopped talking to him after he knocked my mother out and beat my 16 year old sister up. ( I live in physical & mental abuse my entire life) He is getting help right now with anger management and AA classes. I think I am ready to talk to him to try to help him, but what is the best way to approach this situation. I want to talk to him, but I want him to realize how much he has hurt me and the family. Any suggestions??

Answer 1

Hi sweetie,

I know that this is a very tough situation, and I know that my one answer isn't going to do it, but I hope I can help a little. I also grew up with a alcoholic, only it was my step-dad. He abused my sister and I as well. It has taken many years to get over the crap that he put my sister and I through. First off, you need to realize that it's not you, and that alcoholism is a disease. Beings that it's your father, it's possibly that you may have problems with drinking in you life, so please watch out for that. You should probably seeking counseling for yourself. Because of what I went through early on in my life, I suffer from depression at times, self consciousness, and some other things. Because I sought counseling, I think that I have learned to deal with those issues better. Keep encouraging him to go to AA. I would sit down and talk with him, let him know that you love him, but not what he does. Talk to him a little bit at a time, don't over do it. Take it slow. He can never take back what he has already done, but maybe you can make some new memories with him.

I hope I helped
K

Answer 2

I think you should write him a letter and tell him all of this. Tell him he will have to EARN your trust because he has been so abusive and hurt so many family members that you just don't trust him not to hurt you again...physically or emotionally. If he calls you after that, talk to him on the phone but only agree to see him in public places (like restaurants or malls) where you will feel safer. Don't agree to be alone with him unless or until you really trust that he's changed. I know you love him no matter what he did because he's your father. But he is also dangerous. He won't be changed over night. This will take years for him to change. You aren't a bad daughter to avoid being alone with him until he's been clean for a year or more. He will stay sober if he knows he needs to earn your trust.

Answer 3

Sweety, you cannot help him. He can only help himself. It sounds like you would like to be in contact with him. If you are still afraid, keep the contact over the phone or emails for now. Maybe listen to what he has to say. Don't meet him in real life until you are ready, or until you know you will be safe around him. If he is in AA or counselling. Ask for a letter from his counsellor, stating that he is ready to be a good father. If he hasn't made the effort to get help, be very careful.

Answer 4

Go to Al-Anon. Alcoholic's effect everyone in the family. You need to talk to people that understand how you feel and where you are and can help answer your question here as well as many others I am sure you really have. What better people to help you than the folks who have been there, done that.... My Grandfather was an alcoholic, he died a week before I was born and my Mom suffered for years before she went to Al-Anon (I was 17 when she started going to meetings) they really helped her even though he had been gone for years...call them first. Good luck and best wishes

Answer 5

One of the best things you can do is start going to Alanon meetings. It is a support system for family members of alcoholics. The meetings are free, and the people there really understand where you are coming from since they have been in your same position. You may not be able to fix your family, but you can take care of yourself. Just take the step and call them. The number will be in the phone book.

Answer 6

First of all I would be asking myself is this going to help situations and make him a better man or is he just going to be the same, also has it been relly good without him, whats going to change. If your still going to talk to him it would be best in a public place, in case things get out of hand and don't put all your heart in getting it right between you, tread carefully and choose your words, take it one step at a time with him, to me he really doesn't deserve a nice family but then he is your father.

Answer 7

You need to have someone with you when you talk to him. A friend or a relative NOT involved in the situation. This will give you support. Then, just tell him how you feel. Hold nothing back. If he is relaly ready to quit he will thank you for it. If he isn't, then at least you got it out there in the open. Good luck :)

Answer 8

I too am an alcoholic and the first thing you need to know is you can't help your father. He has to do it for himself. Alcoholism is a disease that destroys lives and kills millions every year. I'm glad to hear your father is in A.A. If he continues to attend meetings and listens to what they are saying and is willing to follow the suggestions they give him then he can change his life one day at a time and not drink and be the father you need but it is up to him. Good Luck

Answer 9

I'm a nurse and there really isn't a easy way to approach this situation. I would be perfectly honest about your feelings and allow him to explain and/or ask for forgiveness. This will take a life time to heal wounds like these but it's possible. Keep the lines of communication open. As long as he keep his end of the bargain up, your family will be just fine. Take care and all the Best.

Answer 10

Support groups help. And be honest with your father.He is going to AA and will probably discuss what you tell him there.Alanon is a group for the non drinker that has to deal with the alcoholic a great support group.