should I enter this poem for a competition?

Question

I am in a world that is no longer turning,
I’m that girl still waiting for something
I wonder when I will awake, from this endless dreaming
I hear a voice telling me to stop sleeping
I see myself waiting for something,
Things just can’t be achieved until I stop sleeping
I want to open my eyes to the world that will start spinning
I am in a world that is no longer turning,
I’m that girl who is still waiting for something

I feel suffocated and I’m drowning
I’ll touch sky when I spread my wings to fly
I worry about where I can find my lost wings,
Every time I try to fly I lose them again
Out of my sight, forced out of my mind
I cry because I’m drowning in people’s doubt
Caused by my own self doubt
I pretend that I am happy with what I am
When I alone try to understand
I am in a world that is no longer turning
I’m that girl who is still waiting for something

I understand that I’m not perfect,
But no one gives me the chance to try
I say that I don’t care even when I can’t let it go
I dreamed for too long
It’s time to make this real
I’ll try to fly even without my lost wings
I hope, no I WILL succeed because this is no longer a dream
I will make this happen
Just give me one chance
I am in a world no longer turning
I’m that girl still waiting for something.

In case you haven't noticed the poem is called I AM
the poem isn't written in my point of view!
The first person to answer this question was right about the comma splices

as for the rhythym its FREESTYLE I get to choose its rythym

Answer 1

yes you should because if you wrote it and you like it everyone will love it.

Answer 2

No, you shouldn't, honestly. You have comma splices and there's no rhythm or sense of syllabic harmony or anything. You use the word 'I' too much and you alsome use 'sleeping' too much at the beginning. And ending different stanzas (all of differing length for no apparent reason) with the same two lines over and over again feels redundant, when they aren't all that powerful to begin with. You're just repeating yourself endlessly and in the end you have no point, because you try to make it uplifting but then end with those same two non-uplifting lines again.

I'd be glad to help you improve, that all said, if you want to IM or e-mail me.

Answer 3

I think its very good.

Answer 4

yes, go for it you can't lose